...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

give her my autograph & tell her it's been nice knowing you

i was recently challenged to name the five celebrities i'd "hit." first, let me say that this was a tough assignment for me. because i like to be grounded in bitter reality (ha!), the chances of encountering any of these individuals (especially since one is deceased, making it twice as tricky), is slim, and honestly, there's not a big market for hollywood activity in the midst of the midwestern suburbs. so i don't dwell a lot on these things (stop laughing and pointing to the "mike rowe reaction").

also, since i'm creating this fantasy, i'm going to say that in all likelihood, unless these men are overcome by my powers of charm and seduction and immediately wish to "hit" me first (feasible, yes. remember my penchant for reality. i'm not gonna sell myself short on my own blog, my friends), i'm gonna ask for a dinner, perhaps some scintillating conversation and an opportunity to gush appropriately about why i love them before proceeding to the hitting.

so, in no particular order, i give you my five "hittable" celebrities. i'll open the floor for debates and discussion following:

bono - because really, all you need is three chords and the truth. because when he sings 'desire' i can feasibly pretend it's to me ("in hollywood tonight..."). because he's intense and passionate and smart and snarky and has stubby fingers, and isn't afraid to make fun of himself. because 'all i want is you' breaks my heart every damn time i hear it, for many reasons. and because when i saw them perform in concert, parts of my body that i didn't even know could get hard stiffened up like diamonds in the arctic when the spotlight hit him.

mike rowe - my case has been made, really. women of the world (or, apparently, at least those who stop by here) tend to agree. the man is hot. dead sexy. smart. snarky. obviously not afraid to get messy or try things some of us wouldn't dream of. will put his arm into places arms shouldn't go. yep. mike rowe gives me that good thing. we all know what i'm talking about. don't make me say it again (though i'm thinking it and i really want to...).

michael hutchence - dead is a detail. if sex was an actual "being," something that could get up and walk and breath and talk, it would be michael hutchence, and i'd want to be trailing behind him. "because we all have wings, but some of us don't know why...." because i never fail to be crushed by the thought of making wine from my tears. short hair. long hair (preferrably long, though...sorry...). you know that with him, it would be nasty and intense and exhausting and you'd want to do it all again as soon as it was over (well, i'm gonna assume to know).

kiefer sutherland - since 'the lost boys.' jason patric in 'the lost boys'? oh, hell yes! but when i was done with jason, give me the bad boy with the bleached blond hair. because i would totally get off hearing him say "the following takes place between 1 a.m. and 2 a.m." in that whispery, sexy voice directly into my ear. because he's freakin' jack bauer, people! he obviously has the stamina to go 24 hours without food or breaks of any sort.

anthony bourdain - now i'm not so sure i want to technically 'hit,' anthony bourdain, but i'd dig hanging out with him. because he's snarky to the point that you don't know if he's hitting on you or making fun of you. passionate and willing to try new things. no discernible vices. hell of a writer. poetic. obviously, the man can cook, so that's a huge selling point. i'm just not sure i'm up to eating pig parts and intestines, but if he convinced me, then maybe (but probably not...). so because of those things, i'd probably flirt it up with him and after a few pints, sure. anything's possible.
obviously snarky and passionate go a long way in my list of qualities necessary to pretend to hit it with. perhaps because i like to think myself as such, who knows? what i do know is, i'm in the suburbs and unless some secret ops team threatens to unleash a vial of nerve gas into our community, kiefer won't be stopping by to pull me away from a foreign tongued underground radical, bono won't be rising up to support our cause after the fact, and i'll be too overcome by the time mike shows up to help with the clean-up, leaving tony (because i like to pretend that he likes me to call him tony) diverting his flight to my home state because, honestly, he won't want to come feature the "white bread, trans fat laden" cuisine of the midwest on his show, anyway, nevermind the residual nerve gas and bono's potential for preaching.

and michael? well, michael sings with the angels.

but sure, it's fun to think about. "so crawl over here, and give me a moment..."


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I didn't think you could get through it without saying girly boner...ha.

Thursday, January 11, 2007 5:09:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can give you props on all of your choices, save Kiefer. Something about him makes my blood run cold and I don't know what it is. I almost put Jason Patrick on my list.

Interesting list!! I like the variety.

Thursday, January 11, 2007 6:52:00 PM  
Blogger The Savage said...

You'd be on my celeb to hit list...

Thursday, January 11, 2007 8:36:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love it!

My list changes every time I make it, which either means I'm not giving it much thought or else I'm very flighty. Perhaps both.

I would totally hit Mike Rowe. Mmmmm.

Thursday, January 11, 2007 9:00:00 PM  
Blogger Edtime Stories said...

interesting list....even a dead guy...hmmmmmmm

Thursday, January 11, 2007 9:17:00 PM  
Blogger Ben said...

I've always thought Michael Hutchence was one of the coolest front men especially after perusing the Original Sin video many years ago.


Thursday, January 11, 2007 10:44:00 PM  
Blogger Nanette said...

Here's to hoping you find that magical lamp with five wishes. ;)

Friday, January 12, 2007 5:07:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The thing with Jack Bauer though is that all his women end up dead or kidnapped or something else. Do you think it would be worth it? Other than that I have no comment. I just don;t find guys to be that sexy.( I know, I am such a homophobe)

Friday, January 12, 2007 11:20:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have to agree with tajalude Keifer leave me cold too. But I had a thing for Michael too, if you are going to pick a dead guy he is the one to choose.

Friday, January 12, 2007 2:47:00 PM  
Blogger Tom Allen said...

Huh? The list? Oh, yeah, uh huh.

I'm just here 'cos the phrase "girly boner" still cracks me up.

The Edge of Vanilla

Friday, January 12, 2007 8:42:00 PM  
Blogger April said...

nah, i loves me some kiefer. somethin' 'bout that bad boy image he gives off gives me chills...in a good way. :)

i had to google mike rowe, though...i must be living under a rock! heh.

Sunday, January 14, 2007 7:19:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

But the guy from Ed, whose name I can't recall didn't make your list...is he an honorable mention?

Monday, January 15, 2007 12:16:00 AM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

lbp - technically i only thought "it" but i did think it a lot! and tom cavanaugh ("ed") would probably be on my honorable mention list. definitely.

taja - what i love about these non-kiefer loving women coming forward? just means there's more for me in my imagination!

savage - you know you're on my list. like cardio, baby. i just didn't want to seem, you know, blatant or anything!

kelly - my list changes a lot, too. it's good to be flighty. it's also good to be flighty while staring at my pretend husband getting all dirty.

nocturnal - ah! i'd forgotten about the 'original sin' video. i was a goner for him as a front man at 'the one thing' clip! crawling on tables and playing with food is a good thing.

nanette - i'd be happy with even three of these wishes. five may just exhaust me!

finished - such may be the case, but jack...poor, tormented jack...always gets them in the end. well. usually. there was that season one dead wife thing..oh well. it's the stamina (a-hem) that gets me.

cat - ha! "if you had to pick a dead guy" he's the best dead pick, by far. and yeah, more kiefer!

tom - apparently 'girly boner' is comedy gold. it'll be my catchphrase. like 'whatchoo talkin' about, willis'..only funnier and more timely.

april - ah, a kiefer girl! we can share, ok? and so mike rowe...yeah...whattya think? am i wrong here? no...

Monday, January 15, 2007 10:46:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hope you won't mind sharing Mike. I even have his autograph *G* "To (my name), a very dirty girl"

Meowwww *G*

Monday, January 22, 2007 7:19:00 AM  

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