...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Monday, July 30, 2007

I recommend walking around naked in your living room

The list of things I will do while naked includes, but is not limited to, the following:

  • International espionage
  • Dance to Garbage's Stupid Girl
  • Broker world peace
  • Wait on hold with customer service calls
  • Bask in adoration
  • Clean my house

That last one? I did that Saturday. That confession is either when you, dear reader, decides to simply stop reading this blog (which, I should add, I've spent time tweaking while sans), or "bare" (high five, sista!) with me to learn why I'd consider scrubbing bathrooms and Dysoning the carpets while unadorned.

Saturdays are typically the days when my family bolts, leaving me home alone for hours on end. My husband might call this "giving you some 'you' time," as he departs with the boys. Me? I see it more as "Now that I've paced the floors, paid the bills, gotten calendars updated, returned telephone calls, done six loads of laundry and mapped out the week ahead, what should I do? Oh, I know! Clean the house!" time.

So, to shake things up a bit (Sometimes quite literally. As much as I curse them, bras and my breasts - which I don't curse, obviously - were meant to share a Romeo and Juliet type of bond), I instituted these little "doff and dust" days. Honestly, I don't do it for some type of thrill or "fear factor" like means of completing my tasks. You have to have a lot of faith and excellent motor skills to use the furniture cleaning attachments on your vacuum if you plan to pull that hose out unencumbered.

You also need to remember that cleaning the windows isn't a job you do on these kinds of "jeans off jaunts." Unless you dig that kind of thing. However, dashing to my laundry room past the large front room windows with nothing but the basket of clothes I plan to launder strategically placed in front of me is as close as I've come.

As far as "cleaning" type things go, anyway.

So why clean naked? Simple. When I really want to clean, I go at it with passion.

Ok, that's a lie. I've never been passionate about cleaning up anything. Not my credit rating. Not my reputation. Most certainly not my closets. But I do like to get in there and really reach the nooks and crannies and work up a sweat. I figure if I'm going to pit out while pitting myself against stubborn stains on my kitchen floor, why not just ditch the duds? Then, when it's time to clean the showers, I can just jump in and clean up while scrubbing away at the soap scum build-up. Honestly.

A quick Google search indicates there's money to be made in being a naked maid, but I'm thinking some of the chores performed involve more than just a simple dusting of the knick knacks. The fact that I'm something of a perfectionist (and, more accurately, really broke), means I'll probably not be hiring from one of these services.

Give it a shot, this naked cleaning. But if you need tips on how to handle that vacuum hose, well, you might be on your own...



Blogger Confused Husband said...

Why?! WHY?! Why do I have to be at work when things like this come up?

So your not afraid of hairy neighbor taking a peak at you? Or that some horny young adolescent is spying on you through those large windows?

All the more power to you. Just proving once again why you are so Kick Ass!

Monday, July 30, 2007 1:23:00 AM  
Blogger Nanette said...

High f'n five sista! ;)
These days, I shower naked, does that count? Heh.


Monday, July 30, 2007 3:39:00 AM  
Blogger kimmyk said...

When I was a kid my mother would take "air baths" as she called them. She said Benajamin Franklin took them why couldn't she? I personally didn't care what she did cause I'd just stay in my room, but looking back I am thankful I was never witness to her taking her air bath and mopping the kitchen floor on her hands and knees. *shudders*
I'm with ya though on cleaning the shower. That's how I do it. Mainly because I'm afraid I'll get bleach on my clothes...so off they come.

Very nice of your hubs to take the boys and give you 'you' time. So very thoughtful. I wonder if he knows you'll use that time to clean AND is he leaving then so he doesn't have to help? That's a mans way of thinking...Give you space knowing you'll do all the dirty work. Men. Sheesh.

Monday, July 30, 2007 6:10:00 AM  
Blogger Edtime Stories said...

being naked is wonderful... it is the cleaning part that gets me

Monday, July 30, 2007 6:37:00 AM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Good to know I've now (finally!) broken the one word Google search term. Why didn't any of you clue me in that all I needed to use was "naked" in a post title to reach such heights?

Monday, July 30, 2007 8:42:00 AM  
Blogger Nature Girl said...

it pains me to admit this, but yesterday is the first time in my entire life I've done anything of the sort on purpose, and even then, I wasn't nearly so brave as you. I did my dishes and cleaned my kitchen topless. *gasp* Oh is't not that I hadn't thought about it before.., but you see, my OCD/germaphobia gets in the way. I don't want any dirt, dust, or any other grime getting on my hands let alone my nether regions. Oh I've made the mad dash to the laundry room looking for that ever so important article of clothing certainly, but cleaning naked? no...I don't think so.
you are quite possibly my new hero, but do me a favor eh? Be careful not to splash bleach on your 'girlfriend' that would really suck...

Monday, July 30, 2007 8:42:00 AM  
Blogger FTN said...

Scientific studies show that blog posts about nakedness will garner 212% more comments than blog posts about Spaghetti-Os.

All the talk about pulling of hoses, however, has rendered me speechless.

Monday, July 30, 2007 8:53:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well you just got my Monday off to a rousing start.

Monday, July 30, 2007 10:33:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Would you be shocked to know that I've been house cleaning au natural since I got married almost 5 years ago? Especially in the warmer months! We only have air conditioning in the bedroom and I'd do anything to be cooler while cleaning! hehe AND it amuses my Sweetie. :)

Monday, July 30, 2007 12:34:00 PM  
Blogger Choppzs said...

Can't do it, sorry! lol I just see to many accidents happening! lol

Monday, July 30, 2007 12:42:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is this true confessions? maybe I'd best keep my mouth shut, some things are best left unconfessed ... even in the blog world.

Monday, July 30, 2007 1:46:00 PM  
Blogger kimmyk said...

Stacie has a point.
Gotta be careful when cleaning not to get any cleaning supplies on your sissy. That would suck. Not to mention burn to holy hell and back.

Monday, July 30, 2007 3:44:00 PM  
Blogger The Savage said...

I'm drooling here.... with a sudden urge to clean... hmmmmmm....

Monday, July 30, 2007 4:47:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've been known to do some naked cleaning... but then again, I've done a lot of naked... everything. Cleaning, card playing, homework, brain surgery, etc. I almost always do the bathrooms naked, for just the reason you gave. Why not?? :D

Monday, July 30, 2007 6:28:00 PM  
Blogger Bunny said...

LOL. I hate cleaning, but also prefer to do it nekkid when possible. There's the sweat factor and I'm totally with you on the shower thing. My MIL thinks nekkid shower scrubbing is just weird, but I think being in the shower with clothes on is the weird thing.

Tuesday, July 31, 2007 2:12:00 AM  
Blogger FTN said...

"Naked Brain Surgery," coming this fall on the Discovery Health Channel.

Tuesday, July 31, 2007 9:20:00 AM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

CH - The young boys on my street are more interested in shooting off fire crackers and leaving their junk in my yard then to catch a glimpse of me passing thru, Comet and Windex in either hand. Though I always check for clearance!

Nan - I do other things naked. Or so it would seem...

KimmyK - I recall reading of Ben F.'s air baths. Thankfully, I don't recall seeing either of my parents sans the clothes. Typing that? Just made me blanche a little bit.

And seriously! I know, right! My thought is, if some dude was going to haul his naked goods around my house AND scrub toilets at the same time, I'd at least stay home to watch! Maybe talk him through it and tell him what to do!

Ed - "the cleaning part that gets you" --- in an intriguing "wow, that's hot!" kinda way or "wow, if you're gonna be naked, why clean?" kinda way? For me, hmmm...sometimes it's a toss-up.

Diff - Your such a fool! You think you would have known this so very long ago, minus the help of that fickle, fickle, foolish internet to tell you how!

Stacie - Ah, girl...what I find so lovely about you is your OCD issues coupled with how you get yourself out there, picking up turtles and kayaking in water where fish and other things do their biddness. I'd be bathed in antibiotic gel for a week, steeped in it, before I'd be able to do what you so brilliantly do!

And trust that bleach and my girlfriend don't hang out much!

FTN - What about a post about eating Spaghetti-Os WHILE naked? What do you think the chances are of the internet blowing up if I did something like that? Because honestly, sometimes I'm foolish enough to hope for just that to happen.

Except then I'd have to actually eat Spaghetti-Os, and now I'm gagging. Alas, the internet remains a safe place for the world to troll. And to find me by searching for "threesomes with me bird" (apparently, pirates read me)

FL - Surely now that it's Tuesday, things have worn off. To keep things sane, let you get stuff done, I won't tell you how I'm leaving this reply to your comment!

Terry - Heat issues preceded my naked cleaning jaunts. Now it's almost pavlovian to me. This is why I can't watch afternoon television. Ads for cleaning products may cause my clothes to fly off. Not so cool!

Choppzs - It takes conditioning and pacing. I recommend starting out simply cleaning off your kitchen counters. Maybe the sink. While I've done it, I do not recommend starting off cooking without clothes on. Ease into that. Wear an apron if you must!

XI - The blog world is the only world that knows I clean without clothes on. Now I get the feeling that it's out there, talking about me behind my back.

KimmyK - I'm totally going to start calling the lady biddness 'sissy' now. Thanks for that!

Savage - Start by cleaning up the drool, sweets!

Taja - Naked gets things done, doesn't it?! I've brokered multimillion dollar deals, sold the contents of my home on Ebay, made muffins, had a power lunch with Oprah and played an interesting game of Trivial Pursuit, all while naked. Room to breath, I say!

Bunny - Thanks for the visit. I don't get the "clean your shower while dressed thing" either. Especially since my shower is one of those closet like contraptions, and cleaning it is impossible unless you're inside it. I got drenched plenty before my "duh! lightbulb moment!" struck!

FTN - If it's hosted by Mike Rowe, you can pretty much guarantee that I'm going to be naked while watching it!

Tuesday, July 31, 2007 9:22:00 AM  
Blogger Therese in Heaven said...

I'm all for "nakeding" normal activities. When you don't have air conditioning and its blazing in the house, does one really have a choice?

Tuesday, July 31, 2007 11:47:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, I suppose you're right this ain't like Cheers where everybody knows your name. Here anonymity is prize making true confessions a bit easier. For the writer, anyhow. The poor defenseless reader, however, falls into the trap of being lulled into reading a seemingly innocent comment only to find out that xi has been doing this since the age of 8 even to the present day, every chance possible.

So now it's out there. The allure of the ultra-clean fadkog, the horror of the exposed xi. Anonymity has it's plusses, and then again it's drawbacks .... can you handle the truth?

Wednesday, August 01, 2007 8:36:00 AM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Therese - Necessity is the mother of all invention, truly!

XI - When you make the truth sound so scary and confusing, I'm not so sure that I am!

Wednesday, August 01, 2007 9:14:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Merry Maids, make that Naked Maids. Well done little lady.

Friday, August 03, 2007 9:37:00 AM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Nocturnal - Just doing what I need to do to get the job done, man...

Friday, August 03, 2007 1:26:00 PM  

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