...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

file under A for 'awesome, these things are not'

See that? That can't be good, right? I don't know why I'm asking you. I mean, I showed this photo to my Tool Man Monday night when he got home from work and I asked him, "This can't be good, right?" and he made this little tsk sound with his tongue, and then he said, "Oh, that can't be good," so I think we've ascertained that this cannot, in fact, be good. We've all heard of the blue screen of death. Hell, I've sent people condolence cards when they've mentioned their computers came down with it, so I figured I was totally living on borrowed time when this, in all it's various shades of blue and green stripes, popped up on my laptop screen Monday morning.

My first thought, of course, was (say it with me!) "This can't be good." Then I thought, "Crap! Now how am I going to discreetly watch episodes of True Blood in a manner that may or may not be responsible for this screen now adorning my laptop?"

(sidebar: Is it just me or did they switch the actress who plays Tara after the first episode, because I swear they did and it's bugging the hell out of me, and I asked Tool Man what he thought, but Tool Man? He doesn't put that much thought into a TV program unless there are Cyclons involved, and then it's like we reverse roles and I just can't be made to frackin' care)

(also, where might one such as myself acquire a gentlemanly Southern vampire to call on me?)

This malfunction occurred while I was noshing on some delicious peanut butter toast before work and watching a Kids In The Hall clip over at Backpacking Dad's blog. Right in the middle of the funny - Poof! I was all, "Well, that's a fine how do you do! First I do not get a free hot blogger calendar featuring some blogger whom I have made no secret I find to be awesome, but now this?!"

Then I took another bite of toast (while it was still warm and melty, something I bet hot bloggers, awesome or not, do not eat in order to maintain The Hotness), took out my camera (first thought - "This is lots and lots of pointless blog fodder!" followed by "I should probably show this to Tool Man."). Then I thought about calling Dell, from whom I purchased my laptop last year, but I bought it through their business arm to get a fantastic deal, and my made-up business' name is Happy Time Fun Ranch, and seriously, every time I say that or I get mail from Dell addressed to me in care of Happy Time Fun Ranch, I have to sit on the curb by the mailbox and giggle for a bit.

Because I lead a truly sad and boring life...

Long story short, tonight I'm writing this scintillating nugget of my life on the above pictured, apparently not doomed laptop, and after a bit of deduction on my part and those of my employees at Happy Time Fun Ranch, I believe the culprit of the 70s-era wallpaper death screen was the half glass of Diet Pepsi I spilled on the counter that seeped under my laptop Saturday while watching Gremlins on AMC.

An event also involving Backpacking Dad!!

Coincidence? I cannot say with any certainty. All I know is if my laptop now multiplies (kudos, sir...), we'll get a hell of a lot more work done around here at Happy Time Fun Ranch, and also, I should probably not watch Gremlins 2 - The New Batch when it airs this weekend.


Had enough of me yet? No? OK, well let me regale you with this one:

See that? That can't be good, right? I don't know why I am asking you, because I can assure you that is, indeed, not good! I pulled that GIGANTIC HAIR out of my mouth, dislodging the remainder of it from my NOT DELICIOUS McDonald's cheeseburger tonight at supper. Let me just say two things before saying a whole bunch more: (a) my hair is amazing (ahem...), and (b) it doesn't look a thing like the follicle that garnished my half-eaten sandwich!!

I can't get hot french fries, but I can, apparently, get a fur burger.

(Oh, I'm sorry that I used that phrase. Honestly. But I am totally keeping it in there because I said it to my Tool Man after I tossed the rest of my meal out and he continued to eat the remainder of his apparently hairless cheeseburger in front of me!! Even while I was all, "I'm so hungry! I'll never eat at McDonald's again. Except I do like that Southwest grilled chicken salad, so dammit...")

Ali? Any chance you could take this up with the fine folks at McDonald's and see what they have to say for themselves? I'd consider retribution in the form of unlimited McFlurries.


OK, I must say, I've reached the point where I'm boring myself, and that can't be good, right? So I'll apologize. I should be in bed anyway, because tomorrow, I have to be out of the house by 9 a.m., to go work a four hour volunteer shift at the Scholastic Books warehouse sale that I committed to doing when my friend suggested we do it together, except, ha ha, tonight my friend bailed on me!

Also, did you catch that?

I'm going to go work at a book sale.

On my only day off from my regular job.

My regular job as a bookseller at a Major Bookseller.

Where I normally only work three hours a shift.

Yeah. I'm volunteering even more time on my day off to do for free what I normally get paid to do for less

Because I'm good, alright?

Labels: ,


Blogger MsPicketToYou said...

i am hanging my head in shame: you do too much in one day. and i think that song just woke up my kids, but it's cool, because it's FADKOG dudes: deal.

Tuesday, December 09, 2008 11:14:00 PM  
Blogger Backpacking Dad said...

If only it had been the "Hot Blogger Laptop Line" and they'd given me a bunch of them. Because I feel totally responsible and I would send you one.

Captcha: "Awiltor", as in "a wilter" or what it is when you've seen a laptop die on you in the middle of watching porn. Um. I mean Gremlins.

Tuesday, December 09, 2008 11:23:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can't think of anything to write, I'm still giggling over the word "furburger".

Tuesday, December 09, 2008 11:26:00 PM  
Blogger Seriously Brenda said...

I'm with Sammanthia. Furburger is awesome. I'm stealing it for my imaginary band's name before Backpacking Dad does...

Tuesday, December 09, 2008 11:29:00 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

Oh I'm so relieved that your laptop is okay. Things like that really scare me and I want to be able to sleep tonight.

Tuesday, December 09, 2008 11:30:00 PM  
Blogger Therese in Heaven said...

That doesn't look exactly like the blue screen of death as I've experienced it, just maybe a second cousin. But hey, stripes are slimming.

As for that hair in your dinner, I just sort of assume that all my food from there comes with at least a garnish of spit.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008 12:00:00 AM  
Blogger Chibi said...

Oh, gag! I had to scroll past the hair pic reaaaaaally fast. It's HUGE! (I'm really very sory, but I so want to interject a "that's what SHE said" here. I blame the fur burger comment for my decent into fratboydom.)

I don't have a problem if I find my hair in my food because I know where it has been/how clean it is. However, other people's hair makes me pukey -- when I was in school, I couldn't even sit in the plastic chairs if there was hair caught in the metal rivets.


Wednesday, December 10, 2008 12:05:00 AM  
Blogger Shonda Little said...

Two things:
Don't buy TVs that cost more than your first car.
The hair is extra protein.

No seriously, I think this equates into some free shit. Email me, I'll call these places that you bought the TV and food, pretend I am you. It will work.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008 12:13:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What does a girl need to do to get gratuitously linked? Show you her boobs?


I did that already. Damn.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008 12:19:00 AM  
Blogger Bekah said...

I totally had a fun comment about the happy time fun ranch, but im so disgusted by the hair...i forgot.


Wednesday, December 10, 2008 12:19:00 AM  
Blogger Vodka Mom said...

oh sweet jesus, I am SO gagging from that hair.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008 5:43:00 AM  
Blogger Remo said...

Silly woman. Don't you know you have to ask for the Brazilian-style cheeseburger?

At least it wasn't a pube.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008 5:45:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Taco bell gave me a short curly in my drink a few years back. Have never returned.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008 5:51:00 AM  
Blogger Bijoux said...

The ole' Dell blue screen.....hope you're brushing up on your Hindi!

I've worked a few Scholastic book fairs in my time.....the kids go straight for the junk (pencil toppers, HSM notepads, etc.)

Wednesday, December 10, 2008 6:21:00 AM  
Blogger Kim said...

I will definitely be checking my next quarter pounder with cheese.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008 6:58:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

As if it's possible to resist "Gremlins 2 - Electric Bugaloo."

Wednesday, December 10, 2008 7:48:00 AM  
Blogger Madame Queen said...

OMG! Was Rapunzel working at Mcdonalds? Blech. I think I just threw up in my mouth.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008 7:57:00 AM  
Blogger Meg said...

Whatever happened to hair nets?

Wednesday, December 10, 2008 8:21:00 AM  
Blogger Divine Chaos said...

Ya know, I was gonna leave a totally awesome comment .. but I can't stop giggling at "fur burger" ....

and I may never eat at McDonalds again .. lol

Wednesday, December 10, 2008 8:30:00 AM  
Blogger kaila said...

Unlike everyone else, you lost me at peanut butter toast.
Loooooves me some peanut butter toast and a big glass o' milk.

I don't think that makes me a hot blogger, but it would be cool if it did.

PS - did your stripey screen cause all of your links to die? Because none of them worked for me. Shit, maybe my screen is going to go stripey which wouldn't be cool since I'm at work, and obviously I'm not working because I am here commenting on your blog and this is a really long PS: sorry

Wednesday, December 10, 2008 9:28:00 AM  
Blogger Christina Lee said...

I am puking right now thinking of the hair- and to have you SHOW it with little balls of food still stuck to it-well, I think I'll pass on lunch now........

Wednesday, December 10, 2008 10:14:00 AM  
Blogger Eternal Sunshine said...

I had several intelligent things to say, about the puter screen and pepsi, and probably vampires.

But then I saw those words SCHOLATSTIC BOOK SALE - and all I can say is I'm going this weekend to the sale near us, and I will probably bankrupt us buying books for our new readers (and OK, some of the old readers, too.) YAY BOOKS!!

And my word verification?? dyinglyt
Sounds like the title of a vampire movie. or something else freaky.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008 10:25:00 AM  
Blogger Lipstick Jungle said...

Ok so, I have a meeting today at all places - McDonalds (I know, WTF??? - apparently the 15 other more suitable eating establishments were pre-destined to be packed today - whatevs), and now think I may use the excuse of not being hungry, or I have another lunch meeting after this one, or I dont feel well excuse, because even though we have a border between us, I just can't eat McDonalds today after that picture.

And furburger? Reminds me of my highschool days... when boyz thought it was cool to say furburger. Ok, well it still is cool when your inner teenaged boy says it.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008 11:05:00 AM  
Blogger Lipstick Jungle said...

Oh, and your volunteering - yeah, you rock!!!

Wednesday, December 10, 2008 11:09:00 AM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

Mmmmmmm. . . Fur-burgers. . .

But hey, Madam Happy Time Fun Ranch (yeah, that's right - I said 'Madam'). . . That sounds more like it oughta be a Vegas address, knowwhatImean? Hmmm?

Wednesday, December 10, 2008 11:22:00 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

I got a hair on my plate, under my breadsticks when I ate at Cici's over the weekend. I totally didn't get my money's worth that night, because I couldn't eat anymore.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008 11:34:00 AM  
Blogger April said...

omg...I'm gagging on the hair photo. YUCK. that so totally makes me sick!@

Furburger reminds me of something else.

There is a different actress that plays Tara..the first actress had curly hair. You're not crazy. WEll...maybe you are, but not about this.


Wednesday, December 10, 2008 12:33:00 PM  
Blogger Brian o vretanos said...

No, it doesn't look good. I get that sort of pattern for a split second every time my laptop goes to sleep. I've no idea what it is, though...

Wednesday, December 10, 2008 1:09:00 PM  
Blogger Sailor said...

Furburgers? Is that on the lunch specialty at the Happy Fun Time Ranch? Along with peanut butter toast, I guess.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008 1:25:00 PM  
Blogger blissfully caffeinated said...

Oh god, I just vomited. That hair is so gross.

And that laptop does not look good. Not at all. But I will tell you this. When the orange juice got spilled on Stella it was immediate. She just went black and died. No lines in the screen or anything. So maybe it's just the monitor. Although, it may cost the Happy Fun Time Ranch more to fix the monitor than to replace the whole laptop. Either way, that sucks.

One more thing: IMDB. It is your friend. Anytime I can't figure out an actors name, or where I've seen them before, or if a show has tried to pull a fast one by switching the actresses in a role without announcing it, I click on IMDB and they give me the dirt.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008 1:26:00 PM  
Blogger blissfully caffeinated said...

Laughing because the captcha is now "pworn." Make of it what you will.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008 1:27:00 PM  
Blogger Ali said...

there is NO excuse for furburgers. NONE!! my friends at MCDs would not be happy to hear about this! the next time you are in, say something. or ask to speak to a manager. i'll work on your free food ;)

Wednesday, December 10, 2008 1:44:00 PM  
Blogger Ali said...

also..it's funny that you mentioned two organizations for whom i work...(mcd's AND scholastic)

you must want me or something.
wanna make out?

Wednesday, December 10, 2008 1:45:00 PM  
Blogger The Stiletto Mom said...

Not good. Not good at all. My laptop died very suddenly on me 8 weeks ago. It was very traumatic and I'm finally recovering. Therapy helped. I hope your stays on the mend...and I'm probably going to avoid McDonalds for a while.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008 3:24:00 PM  
Blogger xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx said...

ok, laptop? not good. name of your business? awesome! fur burger? disgusting. volunteer work? delightful.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008 4:29:00 PM  
Blogger PAPATV said...

Dell Hell. I've never had luck with them. I always get their catalogues but for as cheap as they are i'll never go back.


Wednesday, December 10, 2008 7:15:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was all set to leave some really rad comment but then... the.... hair...



(a little vomit in the back of my mouth now)

(retching noises)


I'm never eating at McDonald's again.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008 8:08:00 PM  
Blogger The Savage said...

I'll file it under "L" for lust....

Wednesday, December 10, 2008 8:30:00 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Those look like vertical blinds. There should have been a cord you could have pulled on the side of the screen.

The hair. That was the bonus floss. No extra charge.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008 9:03:00 PM  
Blogger Bee (the one who muses) said...

I thought it was vertical blinds too!
That is scary.

And ewwwww on the hair! I had that happen to me at Subway once and I have never ever gone back. $5 foooot lonnnngs!

Thursday, December 11, 2008 1:06:00 AM  
Blogger Zip n Tizzy said...

I'm still grieving the loss of my laptop that died after 8 great years. Yours is too young. Glad it came back for you.
I just hope that hair wasn't half way down your throat when you pulled it out. Yuck!

Thursday, December 11, 2008 1:42:00 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Good? Saintly is the word. If I eat enough hair, maybe I will achieve this.

Thursday, December 11, 2008 5:12:00 AM  
Blogger Mary Ellen said...

Anyone who finds hair in food should immediately receive massive quantities of monetary compensation.

And a couple of days off at the Happy Fun Time Ranch.

Thursday, December 11, 2008 6:57:00 AM  
Blogger DKC said...

I'm sure they don't serve Furburgers at the Happy Time Fun Ranch!

Thursday, December 11, 2008 8:51:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The hair in the burger is free. It takes WORK to give you hot fries so of course that's never gonna happen. Does anyone get hot fries from McD's anymore? I think they see me coming and turn off the fryers until I leave.

And of course I'm giggling over your business name. The Happy Time Fun Ranch? Can I get a t-shirt? I'd be the hit of all the parties with that bad boy.

Thursday, December 11, 2008 9:01:00 AM  
Blogger Whopper vs. Big Mac said...

Next time, buy a Whopper.

Thursday, December 11, 2008 9:06:00 AM  
Blogger Bogart said...

did you gag on the hair or just after you pulled it out?

Thursday, December 11, 2008 10:11:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Stripes are bad.
Hair is really bad.
Switching actresses on characters also bad.

Thursday, December 11, 2008 10:26:00 AM  
Blogger Swirl Girl said...

so if some stupid woman could sue McDonald's for having coffee that was too hot( she burned herself while driving with the coffee between her legs) then surely you could get something for the furburger.

Thursday, December 11, 2008 12:16:00 PM  
Blogger motherbumper said...

My first thought: Why did you close the blinds? But now that I've actually READ the post, I realized it's all Backpacking Dad's fault.

Oh and honey, you do frackin' care, the frack shows it.

Thursday, December 11, 2008 2:41:00 PM  
Blogger Briya said...

Eww.. I think I threw up in my mouth a little bit. Hair? Furburger? Definitely not for me. They lure me in with their fries sprinkled with crack. *hanging my head in shame*


Thursday, December 11, 2008 4:30:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt Becky said...

The fact that you, too, use the phrase "fur burger" makes me realize just how much I heart you. Even if I suck at blog reading right now. Stupid fever.

Thursday, December 11, 2008 4:58:00 PM  
Blogger musingwoman said...

Boy, am I glad the donuts I ate while watching House Hunters (they picked the wrong one!) were thoroughly digested before reading about the fur burger!

Thursday, December 11, 2008 10:22:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Better long hair than short, I always say. Ugh. [Shiver]

Thursday, December 11, 2008 10:41:00 PM  
Blogger Sherendipity said...

I might have to go and puke now.

Sunday, December 14, 2008 7:03:00 PM  

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