...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Sunday, January 04, 2009

joe jonas, if you're reading this, i still totally pink puffy heart love you, too, ok?

So we're nearly five days into the new year and I'm just now getting to sit down and write a new post. If I had any great ideas to write about, I assure you that THAT post would have been totally super awesome, and you all would have moved heaven and earth to figure out where I live so you could travel here, en masse, and be waiting for me when I return home Tuesday from my taxing three-hour shift at the bookstore to raise me upon your shoulders and carry me through the cul-de-sac, cheering my greatness and perhaps weeping at the power of my beauty and/or words (neither of which, I should warn you, are in huge supply right now).

Then, after you've put me down and a few of you have enveloped me in hugs that perhaps went on a wee bit longer than they should have, I'll invite you in, ask you to disregard the mess (have I mentioned a thousand times that my Tool Man and our little nut and bolt have been home, together, for nearly two weeks? Yeah. We have. Be ever so careful stepping over the carcasses...), and ask if you want some monkey bread (now with 100 percent less monkey!). It is, to quote my oldest son, frickin' awesome. I wouldn't know. One of my spur of the moment resolutions for 2009 is to lay off the monkey bread unless I want a gorilla ass.

(I don't)

Look at that. Two paragraphs about nothing! On with the show!

I hope you all had a lovely New Year's celebration. I'm still slowly working my way through blog posts to catch up with the lot of you. At around 11:30 p.m., on New Year's Eve, as Tool Man and I yawned, sprawled out on the couch, and watched the end of The Dark Knight, I was struck by the similarities between my New Year's Eve observances at the ages of 41 and 14. Both involved lounging in a dark room with my best friend, watching movies, drinking pop, and eating popcorn. The only thing different now is my BFF has a penis (a nice bonus), and we didn't cry together when the ball dropped at midnight about how neither of us has a really cool boyfriend. Tool Man absolutely doesn't dig it when I weep about this fact.

So...speaking of being 14 years old, come here and let me whisper a secret to you:


OMG!! On Friday, I gathered the boys (and my BFF, who, because he has a 40 year old penis didn't love it as much) and we finally got to go see High School Musical 3 (or HSM3, as the cool kids call it), and I am not kidding you one bit when I tell you there were points in the action where I got weepy! At first I thought it was because I was suffering from PMS, yet again, but then I did a quick calculation and decided nope, it wasn't PMS. It was genuine concern that Troy and his fellow East High Wildcats were going to lose their championship game! It flared up again when Troy didn't know if he could talk to his Dad about how he was torn between playing basketball or going to Julliard (yeah, it could happen) after graduation (but not before he and his classmates staged a super cool senior year musical that apparently was written by one girl in the class whose name I never caught because hi, more Zac Efron, please)(p.s. He's 21, so that makes him two years older than Joe Jonas, my other bushy headed, bushier browed cougar nugget. Not that that matters since age, as I told my 11 year old son when he made fun of me last night about my crushes, is just a number)(though I'm not sure how state or federal authorities would respond to that).

By the middle of the movie, I was kicking Vanessa Hudgens to the curb and picturing myself going to prom with Zac, which I suppose was the same fantasy the gaggle of 9 year old girls seated near me were also having, but screw them! I'm bigger, faster, and clearly older than all of them, therefore, I could totally take them, and while they all boo hoo'd their fate on their MySpace pages, I would shout my victory from my crisper, less annoying Facebook page.

Yesterday, while all the boys were gone, I watched the first two HSM movies, and even though my pain-riddled back (which I'm sure doesn't still hurt because I'm old) prevented me from dancing through the house, I also listened to all three soundtracks, loudly, and then added them to my iPod. They're all there. Right next to the Jonas Brothers' cds. When I was done, I did something I've never done before (but I'm sure 14 year olds do all the time). I text messaged Disney for a free HSM3 ringtone for my cell phone. Once I figured out what the hell I was doing. This fancy technology is confusing to my 41 year old brain! Now nothing makes my 11 and 6 year old boys (or my 40 year old husband, for that matter) happier to be around me than to have my cell phone ring and the opening verse of Now or Never fills the air, if by happier I meant super embarrassed and perhaps mildly annoyed.

Me? I'm thrilled. Hell, I'm even saving up my allowance money so I can buy the DVD when it comes out (on February 17, fyi, in case you want to get me a belated Valentine's Day gift or something). And long story short, Zac, if you're out there and you've got nothing better to do and you're Googling yourself and find this post among the 13,500,000 hits that come up when someone enters your name into the search engine, give me a call. Right now I can hardly breath!

And I have some monkey bread for you.



Blogger Bee said...


Sunday, January 04, 2009 10:14:00 PM  
Blogger Bee said...

Um... he has a 40 year old penis? Like in his pocket and stuff?

Is it because I have no kids that I don't get the Jonas thing and the High School Musical thing? Maybe when my niece is older I'll be cool. :o(

Sunday, January 04, 2009 10:16:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hmm ... I never gave any thought to how many decades old my BFFs penis is. It maybe was better before you put this thought into my head. Because wouldn't a 24 year old penis sound much better, spry, and youthful than a 40 something year old penis? (I have some sort of hang up about the number 24).
Anyway - thank you very much. Now I'm going to have to ponder penis age in a whole new light.

Sunday, January 04, 2009 10:25:00 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

Sunday, January 04, 2009 10:32:00 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

Okay so I posted a comment here that was for another blog! Fun!

So what I wanted to say here is:

Now I'm thinking about penises. Peni?

And now I'm all worried about the proper English.

I'll never get to sleep tonight.

Sunday, January 04, 2009 10:34:00 PM  
Blogger San Diego Momma said...

Is Monkey Bread some kind of cougary inside joke?

Fill me in! I'm a cougar now!

(Or is Monkey Bread simply "monkey bread?" If so, send me some! I'm a gorilla ass now!)

Sunday, January 04, 2009 10:44:00 PM  
Blogger Sailor said...

You can so totally come over and rock to HSM3 with my daughter, she'll let you use the second microphone for the wii-sing and you can do the whole singing duets thing.

I'll just sit back and eat monkey bread (don't forget to bring it) and contemplate your couger-ness, and be sad that I'm way to old to qualify for your cougery attractions. Darn.

Oh well, pass the monkey bread anyway.

Sunday, January 04, 2009 11:02:00 PM  
Blogger blissfully caffeinated said...

All right sister, we're even. The way you feel about Twilight is the way I feel about HSM. I think we can just agree to disagree on these issues, yes?

Also, how do you get a 3 hour shift? I would love a 3 hour shift. At the Pineapple we work 5 hour shifts and I hate it. Also, they are suddenly scheduling me for 3 and 4 shifts a week. Apparently they don't realize how little I actually want to be there. Frack.

Sunday, January 04, 2009 11:18:00 PM  
Blogger Kate said...

I need to crawl out of my hole - I am clueless about what Monkey Bread is AND which Jonas brother is which. They're gonna take away my girl card...

Sunday, January 04, 2009 11:51:00 PM  
Blogger Heidi said...

I'd totally fight you for Zac Efron.

Monday, January 05, 2009 2:18:00 AM  
Blogger The Maid said...

I am a Jonas brothers fan...or sould I say was...until a friend of mine said that my 16 year old looked like he could be a Jonas brother...now the Joe Jonas crush that I have been keeping to myself feels all creepy.

So, I am afraid, I have to find someone new to crush on. The butler will have to do for now...since I don't have time for the research right now!

Let me know if you have any options for me (other than Efron...his hair bugs me)...I am open to youngsomething suggestions.

:) The Maid

Monday, January 05, 2009 2:23:00 AM  
Blogger Alice said...

At least for the moment, BoyChild is showing proper disdain for HSM. But he did seem to watch it intently when we had it on the other day..hmm....

Monday, January 05, 2009 4:28:00 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Bee beat me to the comment about Tool Man. Aw!

Can't say I'm a big High School Musical fan, but vive le difference! (That's French for, "You're wrong!")

Have a great 2009, FADKOG!

Monday, January 05, 2009 4:37:00 AM  
Blogger The Savage said...

I am in such awe of you I have no other comment except lust!

Monday, January 05, 2009 5:35:00 AM  
Blogger Bijoux said...

College daughter came home last Fall just to take the other two to see HSM3. So, I missed getting to see it and will have to wait until Feb. 17th I guess. I totally love me some Zac and the music is just plain catchy.

Your post is just what the doctor ordered on the first Monday of the new year!

Monday, January 05, 2009 5:41:00 AM  
Blogger Vodka Mom said...

Wait, are talking about penises or bread? I kind of like both.

Monday, January 05, 2009 6:09:00 AM  
Blogger The Stiletto Mom said...

How on earth is is possible that you waited this long to see the movie?? I thought for sure you would have been by now!

My kids would like to know if you would come be their mommy for a while bc you are way cooler than me!

Monday, January 05, 2009 6:25:00 AM  
Blogger Kat said...

I am sure Joe Jonas will totally understand if Zac comes knocking on your door. I mean, he did take a vow of chastity until he is married and technically you can't marry him for another couple of years, so yeah it is totally understandable right?

Monday, January 05, 2009 7:15:00 AM  
Blogger Sherendipity said...


This is why I love you.

Also, my word verification is "labion" which is far too close to labia this early in the morning.

Monday, January 05, 2009 7:15:00 AM  
Blogger Mary Ellen said...

I went to see HSM3 with my 16 year old, after he figured out which theater and showtime would be statistically most unlikely to contain anybody he knew on the planet.

We loved it. Don't tell anybody.

Monday, January 05, 2009 7:22:00 AM  
Blogger Meg said...

How does Toolman feel about your BBF's old penis?

Monday, January 05, 2009 7:25:00 AM  
Blogger Chasity said...

As of yet, I have not had the courage to open the can of HSM beans.

I'm afraid if I don't like it my 7 year old will be addicted and then it will be like when I was younger and a nanny and had to watch 'The Dark Crystal' a thousand times. While it's a good movie and I really like it, somebody please shoot me before I have to watch it again. 13 years later my Hubs still threatens to make me watch it if I don't behave.

Maybe I'll run out and rent the first two next time I have the house to myself. Hah! Like that's ever going to happen...

Monday, January 05, 2009 7:54:00 AM  
Blogger FTN said...

The family and I got to see the joys of "Beverly Hills Chihuahua" over the weekend, and might I just say that as much as I am disturbed by HSM and Zac Efron, it couldn't be much worse than those talking dogs.

And I've got some "monkey bread" for you, too. Because it's much funnier when I put it in quotes.

Monday, January 05, 2009 8:46:00 AM  
Blogger MarĂ­a said...

Totally unrelated (but not really) but do you know when the new Zac Efron/Matthew Perry movie comes out? I've forgotten.

And I can't get down with the Jonas'. Any guy that flat irons his hair is not cool with me. So maybe the youngest is ok. :)

Monday, January 05, 2009 9:10:00 AM  
Blogger Leslie said...

On that little state and federal authorities issue, as long as their age > 18, you're rockin!

Monday, January 05, 2009 9:12:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I must have the old(er) penis thing going on over here too: I've never even seen HSM. Our girls aren't old enough to be totally into this yet, so I'm dodging the bullet. For now. ;)

Welcome back!

Monday, January 05, 2009 9:13:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My kids and I sing along to HSM 2 & 3 in the car. I'm only a little embarrassed to admit this. And I have a totally not-so-secret crush on Zac Efron.

Don't even get me started on the 14-year-old girl in me who loves Edward Cullen.

Monday, January 05, 2009 9:17:00 AM  
Blogger xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx said...

I really need to watch those movies. I have heard good things :) And I love a completely-unlikely-but-awesome high-school musical production.

Monday, January 05, 2009 9:34:00 AM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

Mmmmmm. . . I love monkey bread (even tho, in the strictest sense, I don't eat it anymore).

'Cuz you know, I'm all over any and all things 'monkey'. . .

Do you make yours with S-shaped arms?

And you know, a 40-year-old penis is ever so much wiser than the 14-year-old version (as penises go, at any rate. . .)

Monday, January 05, 2009 10:02:00 AM  
Blogger Christina Lee said...

I agree with blisfully caffeinated-we are even girlfriend!!! Edward
all the way!

Monday, January 05, 2009 10:08:00 AM  
Blogger Ali said...

"cougar nugget" = awesome

Monday, January 05, 2009 11:09:00 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

they made 3 of those movies??? egads!

Monday, January 05, 2009 12:21:00 PM  
Blogger Biscuit said...

You realize that you now have to deny that you actually have a Facebook account, lest you be inundated with hundreds of pleas to be FB friends.

And, well, other people might ask, too.

Monday, January 05, 2009 12:34:00 PM  
Blogger Bethany said...

Really fun post FADKOG... :) And yeah, FB is so totally crisper than MySpace!

Monday, January 05, 2009 12:34:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt Becky said...

I don't know what monkey bread is, but suddenly I require some. I'm coming over, you sexy thang. Sorry.

Monday, January 05, 2009 1:56:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Zac Efron? Jonas somebody? I know not of what you speak. If it's not the 1986 versions of Judd Nelson or Simon Le Bon, I'm not interested.

Off topic: How come people aren't fighting each other to be MY first commenter? Do I have to start talking about these cougar nuggets to get a ticker tape parade of my own? Because if so, well, shit.

Monday, January 05, 2009 3:02:00 PM  
Blogger DKC said...

My kids are really too young for HSM to be on their radar yet. My 10 year old niece however, is all over that shit.

And, since this post is all about the HSM love...I will admit that I have seen most of the first one and parts of the second - um, on my own.

Monday, January 05, 2009 3:41:00 PM  
Blogger kimmyk said...

i would totally hug you and swing you around and we'd jump up and down...cause that's the kind of friend i am and i miss you when you're gone...

that being said....

have you totally lost your mind? HSM3? OH.MY.GOD. I think you need an intervention!

Thank Goodness JACK(s) will be back shortly and all will be right in the world. Can't wait!

Monday, January 05, 2009 6:03:00 PM  
Blogger steenky bee said...

For some reason, when I read this post, it sounded British in my head. Maybe because you used the phrase "the lit of you". Then you wrote "penis" and I knew you weren't British because you would gave written "bangers and mash" if you were.

We need to have a serious heart to heart here. Now, I know that there are other vampire movies that you are quite fond of other than the chaste teen type now in Theatres. Well, I must tell you that I don't particularly care for HSM. It's true. But if we can overlook this one issue, I'm confident that we could still live in civil ceremony bliss. As part of our vows we should include a line about my willingness to turn the other cheek whenever I see the Wildcats and you'll be understanding about my fettish with the teenage undead. Now, with that being said, I should admit to you that when HSM3 shot on location across from my office building I was one of the women pressing her body against the office window to get a closer look
at the Effron. Hotness.

Monday, January 05, 2009 6:14:00 PM  
Blogger Shonda Little said...

It is soooo much cooler when they have penises. That's the ONLY reason I still hang out with Rowdy. The.Only.One.

Monday, January 05, 2009 6:14:00 PM  
Blogger Madame Queen said...

Okay, that's it. I'm definitely renting the first HSM at the first available opportunity b/c I've been dying to see it but have been so ridiculed by everyone that I told that I finally supressed the urge. But if you can watch it -- and love it -- you, the queen of cool, then I'm definitely watching it.

Also, I think I had a totally cooler New Year's a 14 than I did at 36. Sad. Sad. Sad.

Monday, January 05, 2009 7:27:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I actually really like the Jonas Brothers. The thing that makes me feel okay about that is that I am only 2 months older than the oldest jonas. I also rented the first and second high school musical movies at my school library. I am a senior in college and even though I was kind of embaressed I figured that they had them in the library because somebody was renting them so it made me feel better. Also, I didn't realize I was the same age as zac efron. I totally could have gone to like real prom with zac and not troy. That is AWESOME!

Monday, January 05, 2009 9:26:00 PM  
Blogger MereCat said...

You give me license to be my inner teenager. Thank you! I'd dance all over the room with you to the HSM3, girl. Oh the fun we would have!

Monday, January 05, 2009 10:56:00 PM  
Blogger Bogart said...

Not really sure how I feel about this.

Tuesday, January 06, 2009 8:15:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Umm...kinda gross. Not because of your gigantic crush on the Disney kids (have I ever mentioned my love of Phil from Phil of the Future? My god...) but because of your love of those movies. They hurt me with their annoying soundtracks and kicky hair dos.

But, I own Sleepover starring some young teens whose names I can't remember and I watch it when I'm feeling down, so I won't judge.

Tuesday, January 06, 2009 11:27:00 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

mmm...monkey bread. I am so there.

Tuesday, January 06, 2009 2:08:00 PM  
Blogger Roaming With A Hungry Heart said...

I love monkey bread. I will have to get the recipe so I can make it myself.

Sorry, but I cringe whenever I see the Jonas Brothers, or Hannah Montana for that matter.

N'Sync was so much cooler.

Tuesday, January 06, 2009 2:31:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I forgive your lack of love for Edward, but only because you managed to make the sentence "I have some monkey bread for you" sound sexy. Wink.

Tuesday, January 06, 2009 4:44:00 PM  
Blogger motherbumper said...

Trust me, my hug would have gone way longer than it should have.

Tuesday, January 06, 2009 4:44:00 PM  
Blogger Divine Chaos said...

I'm not as into the HSM movies, but only 'cause we don't own them .. yet. I love teenybopper movies though, give me crazy cheerleaders, high school/college marching bands, dance-offs and geeks beating down the Greeks and I'm so there .. with the popcorn and jujyfruits. ;)

Tuesday, January 06, 2009 7:04:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm 42, myself. I really don't know what "High School Musical" is, though I see it displayed at Walmart often. I guess I haven't checked it out because I'm not fond of musicals--and my school years (kindergarten through first-year graduate school) were unhappy--specifically very lonely.

Anyway, I am familiar with "The Dark Knight". But I haven't seen the film. I listen to the filmscore, instead--I discovered it at Barnes & Noble, listened through the headphones, and have been hooked ever since! The score for "The Dark Knight" is the most beautiful and magnificent I've ever heard! I listen to it every other day, at least! When a filmscore/soundtrack stands on its own, as a masterpiece--well it's a truly great piece of music!

I've never seen the film, and I don't want to, because then I'll be distracted by scenes from it--you know what I mean? I know the titles--"Why So Serious?" - "A Dark Knight". So I have an idea of what the film is about. But there's not a single note in the entire piece (and it really is classical music), that I dislike!

In fact, if I were alone on the proverbial desert isle, and could only have one CD (along with the player of course), it would definitely be the filmscore of "The Dark Knight"!

Wednesday, January 07, 2009 2:30:00 AM  
Blogger Tuesday Girl said...

I think you would like to come over to my house because my five year old and I have "dance offs" on her HSM3 dance mat.

Yes, I really need to make some friends.

Wednesday, January 07, 2009 9:39:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, I think your posts about "nothing" are pretty much my favorite ones! "Cougar nugget"... AWESOME!

I pink puffy heart you. And I'm not sharing you with Zac.

Wednesday, January 07, 2009 10:12:00 AM  

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