...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

i met your children. what did you tell them?

So I was straightening books this afternoon in YRHC (that's Young Reader Hard Cover in fancy pants bookseller talk, now making you just as qualified as me for a bookstore job!) when I happened upon the tragic scene pictured above. My first thought was, "Awww!"

Except that is a total and complete lie. My first thought was not, in fact, "Awww!" but instead was a stretched out version of that - "Awwwesome!!" And, in a blatant disregard for company policy, I whipped my cell phone out of the pocket of my sensible work slacks (Slacks? Who says slacks? Really, really old people, that's who. Come here, sugar. Granny's got a butterscotch candy for you.) and snapped a photo of the pussy cat that had apparently gone off to Cat Heaven. You can't see it here, but to the left of the dearly departed was Cynthia Rylant's prequel to Cat Heaven, DogHeaven, and two plush dogs who were perhaps pinin' for the fjords.

(p.s. Cynthia Rylant? If you ever get tagged with that meme where you type your name into Google and tack on 'needs' after it and somehow end up on this post, know that we love you here at my house. My oldest son devoured your Henry and Mudge books. Oh, and when I play that Google game, it tells me that I need my mouth wired shut. Appropriate? I think so.)

Anyway, it was a good thing I was feeling all uppity today about company policy, because not five minutes after I tucked my contraband cell phone back in my pants (pant's?) pocket, it began ringing, and nothing is more awesome than to be talking to your work boyfriend (about zombies)(what else?) and have Now or Never from High School Musical 3 come blasting out from the vicinity of your crotch. And then standing there wondering what that sound is for a minute because no one typically calls you (because you are a big old loser who has it bad for the youngun's) before coming to the slow realization that what you're hearing is your phone, and that the look in your work boyfriend's eyes that says he's probably going to break up with you now. Yeah!

Back to anyway.

Anyway, it was good I had my cell phone on me because the nurse at my oldest's son's school was calling to tell me he was in her office with a low-grade temperature and I was all, "Of course! OF COURSE!!" because now that I'm getting over the Zombie Virus (though I still sound like I chain smoke a chain smoker), now my kid is sick. And did I mention Tool Man is sick now, too? Well, he is, and guess what? He went to the doctor yesterday and the doctor gave him medicine!! Did I get medicine when I went two weeks ago? No. No, I did not! I asked Tool Man if he flashed the doc his boobs, but he says he didn't. Personally, I don't believe him...because Tool Man...may need to lay down on the sweets for a couple weeks....

Anyway again, this isn't even what I was going to post about tonight, and I just did a 'preview' check of this post and seriously, I'm sorry. If you're still with me, come here, let me kiss you. I'm apparently free game since the work boyfriend (loser!) ditched me. I was going to post about what a seething ball of rage I was while on the clock today. I know what you're probably saying. "FADKOG, honestly. You work three hours a day, four days a week. In that amount of time, what could possibly irritate you?"

Well, first off, I now work four hours a day, three days a week, but that's a detail. When I'm at work, I have a variety of assignments designed to make the consumer's experience with us pleasant. The trouble with working in the children's department is I'm often not dealing with people who are consumers of anything but space, and today, two very perky women and their brood of insanely perky children planted themselves in the department for nearly three of my four hour shift! THREE HOURS!!

Here's what that meant - for three hours (or THREE HOURS!!, depending on how you want to read it), I babysat these womens' children while they sat comfortably and discussed God. Listen, I know that Jesus loves the little children, but after one hour, I could no longer follow Jesus' lead! While the ladies chatted, I abandoned all hope of changing out the five displays I needed to get done today, and shelving the four v-carts I had to finish, and instead spent the time hovering over the damage being spun around the place by their children sent books flying off shelves, grinding Goldfish crackers into the carpet, pawing through game boxes, and dancing on the Thomas the Train table (I hate that thing with the power of a thousand burning suns that I wish would ignite it in a blaze of glory). For the love of all that is holy, people! I know we all like a little grown up time when we've been around our kids constantly, but when you're out in public with them, do not forget you helped create them! Do not look at me like I'm a creep when you suddenly remember that hey, you've not seen little Timmy for 30 minutes after little Timmy got bored tearing up the Scooby-Doo books (yes...he absolutely did...) and decided to wander two aisles over to books for teens, because (in my head)(or my blog) I will freakin' go off on you!

Ladies (these two particular ladies, because I'm sure none of you parents allow this), did you tell your kid to behave? Did you tell your kid that you were just going to be a minute, and that, "Oh, look, do you see that nice lady over there? She's working really hard (four hours a day, three days a week) for a teeny weeny little paycheck so she can help take care of her children, so why don't we put all these books, toys, mysterious brown thing, and this magazine you ripped apart back where we found them so she doesn't have to!" Or are you one of those who, when you're in Super Target (kisses!) and decide you don't need that gallon of milk after all, you just tuck it behind the 10 pound weights in the sporting goods aisle because no biggy, right?

I know that the very nature of where I work lends itself to this kind of thing. Don't even get me started on the dude who comes in and adheres his ass to the comfy chairs with his stack of sci-fi books for the day. It's annoying, but at least he's not screaming or running or throwing books everywhere. I experience this kind of day every time I work (four hours a day, three days a week). Some days are better than others. Not Tuesdays, though. Tuesdays are always bad. What the hell, Tuesday?

I had to straighten the shelves of HCYR (and much more) after the chaos brigade finally left, and there's a chance one of those kids may have been responsible for the demise of the stuffed cat in the photo. My first thought was no, probably not, because those particular books are on the second of a six level shelf, but I didn't tell you about how I had to kindly remind them that, "Hey, climbing these shelves probably isn't the best idea! Let's try to be careful, shall we?!" I had to say it, because their mothers were talking about purses.

So yeah, long story short,thank cat heaven my kid decided he was sick this afternoon, because, as my shift drew to a close, I found the poor plush pussycat's fate so perfect because it looked exactly the way I felt by the end of my shift. Totally paws up.



Blogger Shonda Little said...

Yeah, I really try to never take my kids in public. I mean, they are good boys, but they grew in my fucking uterus. I have to think that. Now for strangers that see them, I don't know, crawling onto shit, they might feel the same way.

Also, I can't believe I'm the first to comment. Weird.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009 11:39:00 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

People just lack basic manners these days. Honestly, I clean up the Gerber puffs that my 9-month-old throws on the floor in the restaurant. I try to keep my 4-year-old in my line of sight. My 6-year-old generally behaves herself at this point.

But I remember working retail in shoe store and being astounded at the utter lack of manners of people. Astounded.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009 12:00:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

There aren't many stores where I live where I can work once Rye starts school, but there is a bookstore/Hallmark store I thought it might be fun to work at.
Yeah, I don't think so.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009 12:19:00 AM  
Blogger Backpacking Dad said...

When I was 14 I spent a few weeks of the summer walking to downtown and stopping in each and every bookstore on the street (there were four or five of them, I think) and reading a chapter out of the same book during my progression. I finished three books before I found the public library one block over.

And they were all scifi/fantasy books. But I never planted myself in the same store for longer than twenty minutes, although I was back every day.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009 12:32:00 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

When I go to shops I always move and redistribute the goods in between climbing on the shelves.

That may sound a little immature, but I'm in my thirties so it's actually very adult and acceptable. Probably.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009 4:46:00 AM  
Blogger The Savage said...

I wanted to be a Lumberjack, swinging from tree to tree....

Wednesday, February 25, 2009 4:52:00 AM  
Blogger kimmyk said...

I hate Tuesdays. Infact, all my Tuesday's feel like fat Tuesday's anymore.

Sorry to hear your lil guy is sick and the tool man. I hope it doesn't make it round two. That always seems to happen to me....everyone gets sick then i get sick again. why?? i dunno.

your camera phone takes clear pics. btw.


Wednesday, February 25, 2009 5:14:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your post almost got me kicked out of the quiet car on Amtrak.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009 6:42:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I look at that photo, and all I can think of is the old dead cat joke.

"Where's mom?"

"Uh... mom's on the roof."


Wednesday, February 25, 2009 6:43:00 AM  
Blogger The Stiletto Mom said...

I love you. There is just nothing more to it than that. This story killed me. First of all bc every time I go into a Barnes and Noble I see the exact same women (they have clones in Texas!!) and wonder wtf they are thinking. Secondly, bc we used to have a golf store and people would just drop their sons off at the front door and tell them to come in and hit balls on our $30K simulator. Really. We hated those people. A Lot. Some people really should not reproduce.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009 6:46:00 AM  
Blogger Chasity said...

Whatever happened to the good old days (no I will not say HOW OLD)when we were out with our parents and we behaved OR ELSE? My mother once smacked my younger sister's hand at the store for touching the candy at the check out-only-she wasn't paying too much attention and she actually smacked some other kids hand-not my sister. Thank goodness the mom didn't see it, or I might have been walking home without my mom that day.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009 6:55:00 AM  
Blogger DKC said...

Oh, I feel your paws up pain. The hotel where I work is small, but we are a wedding factory. Where does it say that it is okay to let your kids run free through a hotel while you slog drinks at the open bar?? Nowhere.

Hope your next four hours is just having to deal with the sci-fi guy!

Wednesday, February 25, 2009 7:12:00 AM  
Blogger Meg said...

I love the rebel in you!!!

But really, I feel your pain. Can't those moms use Nickelodeon as a babysitter like the rest of us?

Wednesday, February 25, 2009 7:26:00 AM  
Blogger Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

Seriously, moms like that make me want to scream.

The picture of the kitty in "cat heaven" is too much. I think there is a kid with an AWESOME sense of humor running around out there who will someday have a blog. That I will read.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009 7:43:00 AM  
Blogger Bijoux said...

LOVED this post! Our local library had to post rules about supervising your children while at the library and also, not just dropping the kids off and leaving if they are under a certain age. People will attempt to get free babysitting anywhere these days.

And now I want to go back to work so I can get a work boyfriend too!

Wednesday, February 25, 2009 7:48:00 AM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

So sorry, luv. Sometimes, you just wanna smack clueless people. . .

And you know, I've always been leery of sittin' in the comfy chairs over by the 'erotica' section. . .

And hey, listen, if you're lookin' for a new work boyfriend. . . ('course, those long-distance relationships are so hard, aren't they?)

Wednesday, February 25, 2009 8:49:00 AM  
Blogger Melissa @ I Pick Pretty said...

I know this sort of story well, having served time in college at a certain Big Chain Bookstore. The people, who treat you as a babysitter, who leave the books/magazines strewn asunder - gah! Fire of a thousand suns indeed.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009 9:01:00 AM  
Blogger Christina Lee said...

GREAT STORY!!!!!! those bratty.....moms.....:)hey just curious-is it a good book? (either one)looking for some heaven stories for a 4 year old right about now, after the fifth fish in a row died!

Wednesday, February 25, 2009 9:31:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh parents like that make me want to stab myself in the eye with a paperclip. I used to work for a yacht club, as a lifeguard, and in all reality, I was a baby-sitter that knew how to swim really well. Bad paretns...gah!

Wednesday, February 25, 2009 10:07:00 AM  
Blogger blissfully caffeinated said...

Wait - I can go to the bookstore and get some me time in while other people keep an eye on my children? I did not know that. Gotta go, Borders is calling!

Wednesday, February 25, 2009 11:15:00 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

And I guess the women didn't buy anything, including the books their children destroyed.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009 11:23:00 AM  
Blogger kaila said...

What a wonderful way to spend a four hour day (three days a week). These same people go to my favorite local book store as well. Drives me crazy. It must be an epidemic. Who can we call?

Wednesday, February 25, 2009 11:24:00 AM  
Blogger MereCat said...

If my kids act up while we are out I just about die of embarrassment. It happens, and we all know there's little that can be done sometimes, but that's when a prompt exit is the only card to play. I hate when people they are the only people on earth.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009 12:14:00 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Booms said...

Were they talking about Coach purses?

Because that's totally how I picture this whole thing.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009 1:18:00 PM  
Blogger txsjewels said...

i love that old dead cat joke. moms on the roof! ha.

i also love telling other people's kids what to do.

great post.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009 1:29:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I work in retail, and it happens here, I just lock them in the basement..that is flooded with sewage...

Wednesday, February 25, 2009 1:49:00 PM  
Blogger Kate said...

Um - my word verification is labia - how awesome is that!

Oh, sorry.

I am a dork who cleans up others books and puts stuff away and I don't work there. I'd never leave things of my own out. How incredibly thoughtless of them. Jesus would really like it if they could get their asses up and put their own crap away.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009 2:27:00 PM  
Blogger Brian o vretanos said...

Brilliant. All that display needs to make it complete is a copy of "101 Uses for a Dead Cat".

Wednesday, February 25, 2009 3:05:00 PM  
Blogger Bee (the one who muses) said...

The following is coming from a non-mom so please nobody take offense (or be jealous that I can sleep in on Saturdays, Sundays, Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, etc... Thursdays, Fridays) but if I see women chatting away while at the bookstore, grocery store or any other type of establishment and their kids are smashing around the place I will say something along the lines of "hey, I think some creep just offered your kids some candy.". It works like a charm because they run off to collect them and then just tie them to their purses.

Sorry but I have been trampled one to many times by misbehaving beasts... and their kids.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009 3:33:00 PM  
Blogger Leslie said...

You typed that in one breathe, didn't you?

Wednesday, February 25, 2009 4:14:00 PM  
Blogger Sailor said...

I wish blogger would stop eating my first attempts at comments...

I hate when people ignore their kids, letting them run around and amok. I do understand the occasional tantrum, I have four, so I've been there and done that; but the ongoing rudeness of letting the little monsters ruin everything in sight? Drives me nuts.

Hope the kid feels better soon..

Wednesday, February 25, 2009 4:41:00 PM  
Blogger 1blueshi1 said...

gah, I am so compulsive that I rehang all the clothes I've tried on back on the racks--not just slam them in the front, mind you, but carefully place my XL at the back where the ghetto clothes for curvy ones are located....hehehe. I hit Target last night and I must say, WHEN YOUR WEBSITE FEATURES PINK, RED, YELLOW, AND GREEN TRENCHCOATS, it does not make my night to tear through your women's dept at nine pm when I should have my kids in bed FINDING ONLY BLACK AND KHAKI. but then I scored one of those great printed Thakoon spring coats for eleven bucks and change, not to mention a fabulous pair of black shorts (and I canNOT believe I just put fabulous and shorts in the same sentence; seriously, have you SEEN my thighs?! oh wait it's the internet!) that I even managed to bring myself to plunk down the full 19.99 price tag just so they could come home with me.

sorry about leaving an entry on your entry...wait, that doesn't sound right...

Thursday, February 26, 2009 7:11:00 AM  
Blogger Divine Chaos said...

I hate when parents let their kids run wild out in public. I'd totally go all ninja on my daughter for that shit.

I am guilty, though, of rearranging stores while I'm in them. I never leave fridge stuff out if I decide I don't want it ... though it probably will go back in a different fridge. I pick stuff up, and halfway around the 10 mile store, I decide I don't need it, and leave it somewhere else. I'm horrible about it. I know. You can totally slap me if I ever do that in your bookstore, 4 hours a day, 3 days a week ;)

Thursday, February 26, 2009 7:34:00 AM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

Oh, and just so you know, I totally got the Python bit. . .

"He's pulled down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible!"

Love it!

Thursday, February 26, 2009 8:00:00 AM  
Blogger Swirl Girl said...

so I think it's actually pants'

Thursday, February 26, 2009 7:41:00 PM  
Blogger Swirl Girl said...

as in the possessive for pants is pants' as in pants' pockets...but only when your talking about many pairs of pants and their possessive pockets.

so sorry for this blithering comment.

Thursday, February 26, 2009 7:43:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Shonda - My kids have reached a poitn where THEY don't want to be seen with ME in public, and I'm not even acting like an uncaged beast when we're out!

Heather - My kids are older now, so they know they have to have some responsibility, but I was always hyper aware of not leaving an evidence trail when we'd go out when they were younger.

Sammanthia - I couldn't work at a Hallmark store purely because I think I'm allergic to Precious Moments figures!

BP Dad - Liner notes, dude. I deserve a liner notes blurb. ;)

Chris - It becomes quite socially acceptable again once we're in our thirties. Carry on.

Savage - With my best buddy by my side, we'd sing! Sing! Sing!

kimmy - Thursday is randomly sucky, too. I was surprised how clear that photo turned out, too. I rarely use the camera feature, and I was being hella covert.

DC Urban Dad - There's a quiet car on Amtrak? I would never get off!

TwoBusy - I didn't know that joke, so I had to Google it. The first option I got was a sex joke. I laughed. It was semi-funny. I figured that couldn't be the 'real' joke, though. So I re-Googled. There was no sex in the new result with the one you were referring to. Did I laugh? Perhaps not. I did, however, chuckle.

Stiletto Mom - I'm very lovable. That's why I don't understand why people want to do what they do to me when I'm on the time clock!

Chas - Hell, there's a good chance my Mom made me ride in a shopping cart until I was 12, just so she could keep me in line!

Dana's Brain - I definitely feel bad for you as a hotel industry employee. It rained very hard here today. Naturally, the department was loaded. And messy. But it was day three for me, so I'm off now!

Prefers Her Fantasy Life - GRR, baby, grr!! Also? Amen!

Petra - That kid will probably grow up and blog about some really bitchy woman, and I'll be reading it and laughing, ready to comment, and then I'll be all, "Hey...wait a minute..."

Cocotte - Work boyfriends make the time go by much faster. It helps if you have one or two for every shift!

Des - Personally, I'd not sit in any of the comfy chairs in any section of the store! I don't even like to touch them! Also, long distance loves are so, so difficult.

legallyblondemel - I'm amazed how many times I hear "I'll be back soon," or "Call my cell if you need me," before a parent bolts on their kid.

Christina Lee - I think they're very sweet stories and can be helpful to make a child understand what's going on. Might want to give them a look online to see if it works for your needs. The links take you to the BN site.

Meg - Gah! I imagine you had it far, far worse than I ever will. I also can't imagine leaving my kids alone at a swimming facility!

blissfully caffeinated - Here's another tip - you can read all the latest copies of the weekly celebrity magazines for no charge! We love that! ;)

Heather - Nope. These 'shoppers' so rarely do!

kaila - As soon as I can figure out that, I'll be making anonymous calls on the tip line!

MereCat - Oh, for sure. Kids are kids. There are going to be meltdowns, but I'm one of those that respects a parent who is willing to take their kid and go when a blow up becomes a meltdown tantrum. It beats counting to three every time.

Betsey Booms - I kind of picture it the very same way!

txsjewels - Now that I know what it is, the joke makes me chuckle. Telling other people's kids what to do makes me puff out my chest and feel super important. Though not really. Heh! ;)

Marla - This will now be my fantasy scenario!

Kate - SUPER AWESOME! Also, I am definitely that very same dork. I follow behind my friend when we go to Target, because she's a misplacer. Makes me crazy.

Brian - We can't make the kids cry on purpose, Brian!

Bee - These things you mention are the very same ones that often goes on in my head!

Laggin - It shows, doesn't it? ;)

Sailor - There's definitely a lack of respect being taught, regardless of the age of the child. At least, that's my opinion.

1blueshi1 - I am definitely a re-hanger, replacer, "I"m sorry, but I decided I didn't want this item afterall, so I thought I'd bring it to you for reshelving," girl, too! Kudos on the shorts find!

Divine Chaos - When that happens to me in my sporadic shopping, I always just take it with me to the registers and tell the cashier that I changed my mind. Helps cut down some time for the staff. And despite my griping, I like my job, so I wouldn't hit you!

Des - Yeah! I realized I dropped some Python twice in a week's time. Love it, indeed!

Swirl Girl - Your wonderful blithering comment snuck in as I was responding to the others, and then my comment didn't go through, so this gave me the chance to add my response to you on here, and so, all in all, how's that for blithering! P.S. - I'll assume the same rule applies if you used the word slacks!

Thursday, February 26, 2009 8:08:00 PM  
Blogger Therese in Heaven said...

Well, I've never been kissed by a girl, but what the heck?

Thursday, February 26, 2009 10:10:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Therese - Pucker up, buttercup!

Thursday, February 26, 2009 11:00:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey are you a professional journalist? This article is very well written, as compared to most other blogs i saw today….
anyhow thanks for the good read!

Saturday, December 12, 2009 9:10:00 AM  

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