...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Thursday, June 04, 2009

if you like it then you better watch it six or seven more times. now put your hands up. seriously. where are your hands? oh oh oh oh oh oh!

When it comes right down to it, the list of things I hate in this world - a list, it should be noted, which shouldn't to be confused with a tits list - is really quite small. The following represents a sampling of what the list contains:
  • Social injustice
  • Sweating
  • The crisis in Darfur
  • People who constantly inject the question "You know what I mean?" into their conversations (sidebar: this doesn't include The Great Neil Diamond, who has a song titled If You Know What I Mean that includes that query several times throughout its few minutes of magic, and I think I've made it abundantly clear Mr. Diamond gets a big old pass with me)(sidebar part deux: I couldn't think of the title of this particular song, so I googled 'if you know what I mean+Neil Diamond lyric' and got Duh! and If You Know What I Mean and You call yourself a Neil Diamond fan? among my results)

Also on the list of things I hate is Beyonce. I imagine many of you nodded in agreement as you read my list, but then you got to Beyonce and became incredulous, wondering "Wha?! What's Beyonce ever done to you, Fadkog?" Well, the answer is plenty, but I've narrowed it down to one thing in particular - Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It) (though, truth be told, as much as I hate that song, I positively loath If I Were A Boy, but for this post, we're talking Single Ladies). I really despise that song, and grew quite weary of the various copy cat videos that have been released. That is until I turned on my laptop Wednesday afternoon and saw this:

What? You were expecting the literal version of Total Eclipse Of The Heart? Pish posh, my friends! So played out! But this? This moment of semi-stale pop culture tweaking? THIS is divine! Seriously, I don't know what that clip is all about (and I don't want to tell you how many of the million-plus views are mine) What I want to do is thank those of you who alerted me to it! Even though I'd already watched it numerous times after noticing it was the number one trending topic on Twitter Wednesday, I watched it again (times five)(don't even ask me my favorite part for I love it all)(particularly the 3:20 mark) for each alert I got from you!

For you. I did it for all of you who take such good care of me.

And for these:

Can't tell what I'm referring to? Well, go ahead. Click the photo.


Make it bigger.

(somewhere, Simon LeBon is bitching because I never talked like this about him when I was 16)

OK, if you don't want to click it or fear a coworker passing by your desk and seeing you with a giant leotard-clad Joe Jonas on your computer screen, let me just fill you in. Take a gander at those thighs! I believe the medical definition of that condition is called "Oh my" and "GOD!"

(also, I think the fact I used the word gander up there is proof I'm too old to be enjoying multiple viewings - and that's the ONLY thing that's being enjoyed in multiples, btw - of a 19 year old, completely legal man...in a leotard...but hold on...give me a second...)(also? so very not too old)

In case you can't read my serial killer/10+ years as a newspaper reporter computerized handwriting up there, I've named Joe's right thigh God and his left one Thunder. The space between the two, that perfectly harmless void, I've dubbed O'. Because I had to.


Before I cap off this post (it should be noted that, in my head, it was WAY shorter), I must add that, as most of you already know, Twilight and all things Twilight-related are on my list of things I hate. In fact, it tops my list. I mean, I hate to sweat, but more than weird vegetarian vampires and zombie girls? Hardly! The trailer for the second movie, New Moon, was released this week and some of you have shared your love for it, which I then playfully ragged about all over your comments (and honestly, step back and look at it..can you blame me?!). So, to all you PMSy vampire and yawn-inducing wolf lovers out there, we're even.

You know what I mean?



Blogger Meg said...

So it's after midnight and I'm sitting at work, doing my lame ass job, and the tears are just rolling down my face from that. Quite possibly THE funniest thing I've seen in a long time...yes, even funnier than the literal version of Total Eclipse, which I totally lost my virginity to many moons ago.

Thanks for that Fadkog, thanks indeed :)

Friday, June 05, 2009 2:28:00 AM  
Blogger Bijoux said...

Is this more amusing if a person has seen the actual Beyonce video? Because to me....this was just ridiculous.

And what's with the schlong shadow?

Friday, June 05, 2009 5:41:00 AM  
Blogger Chasity said...

Outside of the assortment of links on your blog, I can honestly say I've made it a point never to listen to the Jonas Brothers- I've also made it a point to pray very hard my son continues not to know of their existence. With that said, and due to my own personal set of pheromones, you had me at thigh. I'm a total leg girl. *sigh*

Friday, June 05, 2009 6:26:00 AM  
Anonymous Agentninety9 said...

I now have completely the first half of your post. And I SO didn't have the time of day for the Jonas brothers. They're just the boy band of the moment... But that? That 4:05 minute gem? Absolutely made my Friday. That was hilarious!

You're awesome.

And I think you're right about Simon - but minds just aren't corrupt enough at 16 to think such things.

Friday, June 05, 2009 6:54:00 AM  
Anonymous Agentninety9 said...

...And I apparently completely FORGOT to say I FORGOT the first half of your post.

Friday, June 05, 2009 6:56:00 AM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

Many people would refer to 'the opposite of a "tits list"' as 'the shit list'.

Know what I mean?

As for the rest, MEGO. Sorry. . .

WordVer = 'plick'. Which seems so suggestive in so many possible directions. . .

Friday, June 05, 2009 8:01:00 AM  
Blogger Christina Lee said...

well.now. we will just have to agree to disagree.......:) still love ya though

Friday, June 05, 2009 8:07:00 AM  
Blogger TwoBusy said...

Yeah, sweating totally sucks. But the literal TEOTH vid? Teh awesome. I sent it out to several of my friends earlier this week, none of whom appreciated it.

I need new friends.

Friday, June 05, 2009 8:26:00 AM  
Blogger Bekah said...

hahahaha I think I just peed in my computer chair. Great.

Friday, June 05, 2009 8:53:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Um, OK. What cocotte said- Shouldn't this have some sort of parental warning? Or, you know, R rating?

Friday, June 05, 2009 9:14:00 AM  
Blogger Mary Ellen said...

I'm not of fan - of the Jonases, that is. I'm totally a fan of yours. Anyway, as I was saying, I'm not a fan of the Jonas thing, but the video? did make me chuckle. Not as much as you do, though. You? are the tits.

Friday, June 05, 2009 9:15:00 AM  
Blogger Melissa @ I Pick Pretty said...

As a friend (imaginary) of the emo vegetarian vampires, I must stand up for them here. Your attempt to distract me with the impressive Jonas thighs is admittedly a good one, but I cannot bear to see them slandered in such a way.

I will forgive you, however, since we are united in our Beyonce aversion. My chief complaint is that she is omnipresent. Only God, Hugh Jackman, and dark chocolate get that hall pass in my book.

Friday, June 05, 2009 9:34:00 AM  
Anonymous Sam said...

LMAO! Me and G are in the kitchen and when I clicked the video he was all, "I'm listening to Linkin Park and you're RUINING it with this crap!". Then I showed him the video and he laughed his butt off.

Friday, June 05, 2009 9:58:00 AM  
Blogger blissfully caffeinated said...

We are so not even. That was incredibly disturbing. (I must admit he does have some nice, muscular thighs but that is all cancelled out by the eyebrows for me.)

I too loathe Beyonce and wish she would go away.

Friday, June 05, 2009 10:27:00 AM  
Blogger FTN said...

Obviously you've never seen ME in a leotard.

Friday, June 05, 2009 10:47:00 AM  
Blogger OneZenMom said...

Oh My Gawd. That was ... I have no words.

Friday, June 05, 2009 10:49:00 AM  
Blogger calicobebop said...

Hilarious! I love the flailing around with kicks. You can tell the poor boy doesn't have much experience in heels. Which is probably a good thing...

Friday, June 05, 2009 10:49:00 AM  
Blogger Kat said...

I just spent the last 4:04 sitting in my chair laughing so hard I have tears rolling down my face. I am wondering what poor Joe did to deserve this. And you are so right! THIGHS. OF. STEEL!

Friday, June 05, 2009 11:08:00 AM  
Blogger Swirl Girl said...

Any guy who can sport a unitard and stillettos is a fantasy, um I mean friend of mine!


word verification is 'macho'. Swearz.

Friday, June 05, 2009 12:13:00 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Damn that cheeky Simon LeBon and his self important ways.

Friday, June 05, 2009 1:01:00 PM  
Blogger Kevin McKeever said...

I'm just laying this out there in a purely non-gay way: Joe's got better thighs than Beyonce.

D'you Know What I Mean? (Ha! Oasis is also an exception to the rule.)

And the word verification I'm seeing is "hascomye." Break it down. Freaky.

Friday, June 05, 2009 2:01:00 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Very, very funny! you made my day!

Friday, June 05, 2009 2:46:00 PM  
Blogger Lawyer Mom said...

At the beginning, it sounds like "hup hup all the cigarettes", esp. with his hand gestures. Weird. His arms are disporportionately small, but I guess if they were as big as his thighs he'd look even more peculiar. Alrighty then.

Friday, June 05, 2009 6:40:00 PM  
Blogger Nenette Alejandria Mayor said...

OMG, girl, here I was trying to pretend I *didn't* have a super cougarlicious crush on JJ, and you go and show me this! Gah!

Friday, June 05, 2009 6:52:00 PM  
Blogger Chicky Chicky Baby said...

I thought of you when i saw that video yesterday.

I believe the actual thought that crossed my mind was, Somewhere Fadkog is having a virtual org*sm right now. I was right, wasn't I?

No? Not a virtual one, you say? A real one? Go on with your bad self, Mama.

Friday, June 05, 2009 7:36:00 PM  
Blogger Bex said...

beyonce's my home girl. (she doesn't know it, of course) i still like you.

your obsession with jow jonas? v. entertaining ... from afar.


Friday, June 05, 2009 10:50:00 PM  
Blogger Kate Coveny Hood said...

OH - I thought you wrote something on the picture about "thunder thighs" - which didn't make much sense...

Friday, June 05, 2009 11:28:00 PM  
Blogger Brian o vretanos said...

Have a look at Euclid's writings. You may find a geometrical way to calculate the quantity O' in your diagram...

Saturday, June 06, 2009 1:10:00 AM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

Um, OK. . . I finally took a gander at that vid.

I will only say that the shadow produced by the lighting was no way accidental.

And. . . did you draw balls on the still pic? 'Cuz if that's what you meant, you kinda put 'em a tad too low. . .

Saturday, June 06, 2009 7:46:00 AM  
Blogger DKC said...

Okay - I'm not into the Jonas Brothers but that was a frickin' RIOT! My respect for him has certainly risen, cause that takes some chutzpah.

Saturday, June 06, 2009 8:31:00 AM  
Blogger Aunt Becky said...

I love balls. LOVE balls.

Saturday, June 06, 2009 12:13:00 PM  
Blogger Chris said...

I saw this earlier this week and thought about forwarding it to you but was too afraid you wouldn't get anything done for the rest of the week.

Saturday, June 06, 2009 8:07:00 PM  
Blogger anymommy said...

I've never even read the back of the Twilight books, but if I did, I have a feeling they'd be on my hate list too. As for the thighs, well, I was distracted by what I thought you'd turned the shadow between his legs into with your sketch.

Saturday, June 06, 2009 9:59:00 PM  
Blogger Bee said...

We are not alone in our hate for Beyonce since I get about 5 searches a day from the phrase "I hate Beyonce".

Maybe there's an I hate Beyonce Mecca we are not aware of?

There is another horrid song out called "Halo" (i think) it makes me hate my ear drums.

Forget the thighs, that boy needs to do something about his eyebrows.

Saturday, June 06, 2009 11:45:00 PM  
Anonymous zelzee said...

I'm still trying to wrap my head around the reason he would even do this????

Sunday, June 07, 2009 8:54:00 AM  
Blogger Cant Hardly Wait said...

....i'm gagging.

Sunday, June 07, 2009 9:18:00 PM  
Blogger Therese in Heaven said...

Did you see that the Jonas Brothers have had their Youtube account suspended because of this video? Apparently Beyonce doesn't like them using her music.

Sunday, June 07, 2009 10:19:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That video totally made my day. Hilarious! Can't say the unitard is doing anything for me though.

Sunday, June 07, 2009 10:50:00 PM  
Blogger Zip n Tizzy said...

Up until now I've been humoring you with your boy band crush. Oh, Fadkog and her Jonas Brothers.
I am now a convert.
Even more so after watching the Beyonce video, though I wish he would have gone with the exact leotard rather than the body suit.
And the total eclipse had me laughing out loud. Not as loud as the literal Aha video, but close.
Thanks for that.

Monday, June 08, 2009 12:24:00 AM  
Blogger cIII said...

You know who does a great Cover of Total Eclipse of the Heart?

Hurra Torpedo.

Seriously. Check it out.


Also. Neil Diamond is the Balls.

Also, also....Beyonce can suck it.

And I don't mean that in a Good way, either.

Monday, June 08, 2009 8:03:00 AM  
Blogger JoeinVegas said...

I think his thighs and butt are almost better than hers.

Monday, June 08, 2009 8:58:00 AM  
Blogger Ali said...

i won't tell you how many times I have watched this since you told me about it.

hint: it was MANY.

Monday, June 08, 2009 10:33:00 AM  
Blogger Mrs. Booms said...

Dammit, these Jonas boys are winning me over. (Shaking my fist)

I was leaving a comment just at the same time you popped up in my comments.

Monday, June 08, 2009 12:43:00 PM  
Blogger The Stiletto Mom said...

I hate to point this out...but...he has stumpy legs. This has bothered me for quite some time. Robert Pattinson though? RAWR.

Personally, I think my intense love of Taylor Lawtner from Twilight who is a mere 17 may qualify for criminal prosecution in some states.

Monday, June 08, 2009 1:44:00 PM  
Blogger MereCat said...

Funny! And disturbing. I'm so torn here.

Hey, they have these Jonas Bros. cups that are all shiny and two-way-view-y at the grocery store. You probably have them there too, but if you don't and want one, email me an address and I'll mail you a couple.

Monday, June 08, 2009 2:40:00 PM  
Blogger Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

I love it, and simultaneously wonder about myself because I love the Jonas Brothers so much...

Monday, June 08, 2009 7:45:00 PM  
Anonymous Seraphim said...

Is it bad that, even though I sent you the link as well, I have never seen the video. I just can't care for the guys. Sorry..*Grimace* BUT I DO LOVE YOU!

Monday, June 08, 2009 10:54:00 PM  
Anonymous grasshopper said...

too bad for Joe Jonas, the idea remaking this music video was worn out long before he got around to it

Tuesday, June 09, 2009 4:29:00 PM  
Blogger Roaming With A Hungry Heart said...

Oh I can't believe I watched that.
My husband had a bad habit of inserting "you know what I mean" at the end of every sentence. It came to a head on a road trip to Toronto last summer. 6 hours in a car with that is enough to drive you crazy! Thankfully he's been cured of that.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009 9:31:00 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

That was quite horrific. And to quote Fergie a little "2000-late" no?

Thursday, June 25, 2009 2:32:00 PM  

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