...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

tom petty gets 75% of the credit for this father's day

So I've got a confession to make. I planned to let Father's Day cruise right on by around here. Because - and here's where I break some of your hearts - I can be a real bitch. I dwelled on letting it go unrecognized for days (weeks...it was totally weeks) with the sense of "Ha! I'll just show you!" swirling around in my brain, letting it bump into all the other stuff that's up there, primarily "Hmmm...I wonder if we have any ice cream left" and "Why are we watching this, why are we watching this, why are we watching this....I wonder if we have any ice cream left."

"Why you gotta be such a little bitch?" you're probably wondering, and if so, I'd like us both to take a step back now and rethink this label now that I've slapped it on myself. Because listen, I'm not perfect, but I'm certainly not a bitch, either. At least not a total one. However, I do have a tendency to be a wee bit petty. Eh, who am I kidding? I can sometimes be so petty that if I bumped into Tom Petty, he'd be all, "Listen, when I sang 'I won't back down,' I was talking about me, not you, lady. Take a deep breath and let it go already!" and depending on my mood, I'd probably be all, "Damn the torpedoes! It's Tom Petty!" or "Eh, screw you, Tom Petty. Don't come around here no more!"

So why was I so petty? My family totally blew off Mother's Day. COMPLETELY!! Maybe to some of you, that's not a big deal. It's just a day. Every day is Mother's Day, yada, yada, yada. Well...no. Not in my mind. Especially not in my mind that was also littered with thoughts about how they'd also blew off my birthday last fall. I KNOW! Believe me, there was no Samantha Baker and Jake Ryan meet cute atop the table at the end of either of those days. At the end of which I mentioned the lack of a spoken greeting or even a greeting card hurt my feelings.

Though I think the exact words I said were "This sucks so, so much..." And then I thought of exacting my petty revenge. Ignore it all? Feasible. Oh, but what about going passive aggressive? Totally over the top? Is it too late to hire skywriters? What kind of permits do I need to get lined up for a big top circus in the backyard? Buy him new underwear?

So yes, while I laid in bed until after 10 a.m., on Father's Day (oh, yes, I totally slept in!)(only because my Tool Man has been working the last several Sundays, including Father's Day, because triple overtime is a lusty, insatiable mistress, my friends), I twirled the ends of my sinister fake villain mustache, tapped my fingertips together in evil pondering, and perhaps cackled maniacally while thinking how I was going to play the day super cool.

Then I rolled over, closed my eyes, and prepared to dream a little bit more. Except it felt like I wasn't alone...and when I opened my eyes, I saw Tom Petty standing there next to my bed, and forget Bigfoot, people, because Tom Petty next to your bed is creepy. Then he spoke.

"Good love is hard to find...good love is hard to find..." he said.

"What's your point, Tom Petty?" I asked.

"You got lucky, babe..." he said.

"Listen, before you go any further, I found him!" I countered.

But by then, Tom's point was made loud and clear. So while rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I asked if he wouldn't mind sticking around to bust out with Here Comes My Girl for Tool Man when he got home as a special dedication, but when I opened my eyes, Tom Petty was gone and there stood my little boy, smiling and armed with a few key brownie making ingredients.

I (free fell...heh...) out of bed, got pretty for the day (and the dad around here), and over the next few hours, the boys and I baked brownies, planned a meal fit for a king, decked the couch out for a king's nap, and wrapped the gifts we'd purchased earlier in the week for my Tool Man. Their dad.

Because yes, Tom Petty or not, I'd totally caved earlier in the week on the whole passive aggressive approach to Father's Day. And not just because there weren't any greeting cards trumpeting "Now you know how it feels..." I did it because Tool Man is a damn awesome dad. That or he's a shark and the boys are tiny pilot fish who swarm around him. Or he's the sun his sons orbit around. Either way, it's not necessarily about me, it's about him. And I love that shiny shark, dammit.

But I did get him new underwear. Because what I've been folding every week is holier than the pope. And now that I've shared that with the world, I think I at least deserve a gift certificate for a couple cheap manicures next Mother's Day.

...and somewhere, Tom Petty's muttering "Yer so bad..."



Anonymous Sam said...

FOR SHAME, FADKOG, *for shame*! What about the popped collar and sequined underwear?
I'm totally kidding- I caved, too. It was actually a perfect day, which is kind of a slap in the face.;)

Monday, June 22, 2009 10:33:00 AM  
Blogger Ali said...

Tom Petty often guides my life decisions too. :)

Monday, June 22, 2009 10:42:00 AM  
Blogger Logical Libby said...

It would have been even weirder if Tom Petty and Bigfoot had been standing there. Because, you know, no one has ever seen them in the same place at the same time. Coincidence? I think not.

Monday, June 22, 2009 10:51:00 AM  
Anonymous DCUrbanDad said...

That Tool Man is one lucky SOB.

Monday, June 22, 2009 11:11:00 AM  
Blogger FTN said...

And for Father's Day, I spent about $150 taking my family to a somewhat-nearby amusement park for the day. In the 90+ degree heat. So I could get a sunburn.

Because I'm an awesome Dad, and I rule. That's why.

Monday, June 22, 2009 11:18:00 AM  
Blogger Swirl Girl said...

everytime I read a post of yours, I say "that's my favorite FADKOG post ever." Until I saw this one.
This IS my favorite post of yours.
Tool Man owes you big time. Because everyday is mother's day.Yada,yada,yada.

You totally crack me up!

by the way - word verification is 'fembench' (sounds like those exercise chairs at the gym)

Monday, June 22, 2009 11:29:00 AM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

Hmmmmm. . . There's gotta be some kind of witty something-or-other to be made as re the juxtaposition of your Father's Day post and mine. . .

See, you got Tom Petty, and I got the Heartbreakers. . .

And thankfully, TP looked a whole lot better at the Super Bowl than he had in the Concert for George. That was one scary, used-up looking dude. . .

Monday, June 22, 2009 11:29:00 AM  
Blogger Bijoux said...

I bow to your creative genius. Love all the Petty references.

Monday, June 22, 2009 11:42:00 AM  
Blogger Kathy B! said...

Tom Petty really did a number on you. You need to get your locks changed!

I'm glad you put your grumpiness aside. Whenever I do petty things?? Then I get the "guilts."

And that's even worse than nursing the grudge.

Monday, June 22, 2009 11:46:00 AM  
Blogger Kevin McKeever said...

But Tool Man really wanted Tom to tell you this:

Oh yeah
All right
Take it easy baby
Make it last all night

Monday, June 22, 2009 12:28:00 PM  
Anonymous TwoBusy said...

All I can say is that you are, clearly, an infinitely more forgiving person than I am.

Monday, June 22, 2009 12:42:00 PM  
Blogger lime said...

i'm still twitching at the thought of tom petty showing up at my bedside to exhort me into father's day goodness. was he decked out like in the "alice in wonderland" inspire video he did back in the 80s? i mean really. i'd wonder what rabbit hole i'd slipped down.

oh, and are those brownies decorated with ketchup? high gore factor to go with the creepy TP. ;)

Monday, June 22, 2009 12:50:00 PM  
Blogger Melissa @ I Pick Pretty said...

There are much worse muses to have than Tom Petty. Much.

I too have struggled with how to respond to such psychic injuries - passive-aggressiveness? bamboo shoots under fingernails? - and have resorted to just strumpeting the arrival of important holidays so flagrantly that no man, woman, child, or gently aging rock star could possibly miss it.

Monday, June 22, 2009 1:09:00 PM  
Blogger unmitigated me said...

For a few years, early on, I found it necessary to hint (aggressively) by saying, "Do you already know what to get me for Mother's Day or do you need some ideas?" Worked like a charm. He never forgets now.

Monday, June 22, 2009 1:31:00 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Never knew Tom Pety had such power! I will have to investigate.

Monday, June 22, 2009 3:05:00 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

screw you, Tom Petty. Don't come around here no more!

That line rocks!

Monday, June 22, 2009 4:20:00 PM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

And, uh. . . "Screw you, Tom Petty. . ."

Does Bono know?

Monday, June 22, 2009 4:35:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt Becky said...

The Daver got to install a dishwasher yesterday. I know, I'm too kind.

Monday, June 22, 2009 5:00:00 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

I would have been very, very scared if Tom Petty was standing by my bed. **shudder**

Monday, June 22, 2009 7:43:00 PM  
Blogger bernthis said...

that was very mature of you...Yech, I hate being mature but someone has to do it.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009 12:07:00 AM  
Blogger Kat said...

I hope you at least ate most of the brownies to be passive aggressive ;)

Tuesday, June 23, 2009 5:34:00 AM  
Blogger Badass Geek said...

I would consider a dream about Tom Petty speaking to me directly a nightmare.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009 8:04:00 AM  
Blogger Mary Ellen said...

I think you made the right decision. Because, well, you can totally guilt trip them next mother's day into a really big gift. After all, you're the bigger person here, even though they blew you off this year...yada yada yada. Start plotting now.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009 9:49:00 AM  
Blogger Christina Lee said...

I totally get ya girl!! I would have caved too......you'll think how to get 'em back another way :):)

Tuesday, June 23, 2009 10:17:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That Tom Petty...man...her is one wise guy. I feel you, though, I think about stuff like that, but in the long run, I'd end up more miserable 'cause I'd feel so bad about it. Just not worth it. Good for you for giving him his day..and new underwear.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009 11:25:00 AM  
Blogger Brian o vretanos said...

I'm not really into celebrating "days". Soon there'll be one for every possible relation, but Helena did get me a card. Perhaps I'd be more enthusiastic if she cooked me brownies. Maybe I'll drop hints next year...

Tuesday, June 23, 2009 2:32:00 PM  
Blogger Tuesday Girl said...

You do deserve to be recognized and so does he. I am sure he will do better next year!

Tuesday, June 23, 2009 2:44:00 PM  
Blogger AiringMyLaundry said...

I'd have caved but only because I love cake.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009 5:07:00 PM  
Blogger Sally-Sal said...

Your post had me laughing the whole way through. I especially loved the label at the end.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009 5:32:00 PM  
Blogger Chris said...

You should've dissed him. An eye for an eye.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009 10:52:00 PM  
Blogger anymommy said...

You are a saint, seriously

Tuesday, June 23, 2009 11:37:00 PM  
Blogger Chasity said...

I'd say your Tool Man is very lucky Tom didn't suggest to you that he belongs with the wildflowers. I carry grudges for a very long time, but in the end I always cave.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009 9:20:00 AM  
Blogger Pat said...

I feel your pain. My husband is not a great gift giver - if at all. As far as Mother's Day is concerned? He says that I'm NOT his mother! Yeah, gotta love the "whole" not the parts, right? So, Father's Day comes along, and I wonder, do I totally ignore it, even though it goes against everything I was brought up to believe in and honor? I mean, come on, I come from a big Italian family! We celebrate EVERYTHING! Birthdays, baptisms, bowel movements! Anyhoo, I was out shopping the garage sales and found the perfect Father's Day gift for a buck! It's a Ron White doll (the comedian) that talks when you push a button on his chest. Great buy or what? I bought a card for a couple of dollars and called it a day all for under five bucks! He really enjoyed it and I scored because I was thinking of him. But here's the catch - he could care less if he gets a card, gift, etc., for ANY holiday, birthday, etc. He didn't even celebrate birthdays growing up in his family! It was NO BIG DEAL! I KNOW!!

Wednesday, June 24, 2009 9:59:00 AM  
Blogger Bunny said...

My husband got what he gets me for Mother's Day every year: nuttin'. I did wish him a happy father's day, but there were no gifts. The kids were like "It's Father's Day? Oh. Can we watch Transformers now?"

Wednesday, June 24, 2009 10:09:00 AM  
Blogger Bex said...

oh fadkog, even when you TRY to be a bitch, you are really just a (read this part in french accent) teeny tiny little pussycat, non?

i would have gone home with tom petty for some of his brownies. what? its a holiday!

Thursday, June 25, 2009 12:12:00 AM  
Blogger blissfully caffeinated said...

Sister, you are a better woman than I. If my husband had blown off my birthday and then Mother's Day, I would have tied him to the bed, doused him gasoline, and then thrown a lit match.

Your way is probably better.

Thursday, June 25, 2009 10:56:00 AM  
Anonymous rakeback said...

Some might argue throwing gasoline on a man and lighting the match might be a bit extreme for someone who forgot a birthday.

Saturday, October 03, 2009 8:44:00 AM  

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