...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

it's the great pumpkin, blog readers

Perhaps you've seen me mention it here a time or 38 that I'm not a crafty person. Glitter, in my opinion, is the dry skin that flakes off Satan's ass, and before you say "Really?" let me just remind you of this - Hell's hot, thus it's dry, and dry skin flakes. It's simple science, friends.

The idea of making things that I then don't know what to do with, which is my definition of crafting, makes me panic. I love my 8 year old son's drawings, but after awhile, honestly, I want them off the fridge, OK? Of course, my kid knows this about me and like a vulture circling a steaming pile of roadkill, he likes to swoop in and pick at me to make something with him until I eventually relent. Naturally, the holidays are a perfect time for this instinct to kick in because the season's ripe with fun things to make and do (or so I hear). Sometimes this results in an art project that's nothing short of museum quality, like these kick ass haunted graham cracker houses we made two years ago.

Then there are times like today.

Feeling inspired, my son came to me after school and asked if he could make something that was, and I quote, "fun for Halloween!" When I think of making something fun, I think of either brownies or love, but I'm missing most of the stuff needed for either of those, so I unleashed him upon some small pumpkins I'd picked last week. Alas, as he pondered his canvas, we soon realized I was missing a lot of things that could have made it (even more) beautiful. Check it out:

Pretty abstract, huh? Shortly after we finished, the neighbor kid stopped by. "You know what you could have done? You could have painted your pumpkins black, taken a drill, drilled eight holes around the top of them, shoved black pipe cleaners into the holes, glued googly eyes on them and made them into spiders! That's what we did last week when I volunteered at the youth shelter downtown!" this miniature Martha Stewart suggested.

I replied while gathering up all the dry markers we discovered while trying to find any that worked well enough (just two!) for my kid to scribble on his pumpkin. "Paint. Pffft! It's a miracle I even had tape. Just cool your jets, show off."

It was a good idea, though. I'll have to plan better for next year. Until then, in the spirit of show offs, I'm showing you my kid's pumpkin. Totally crafty, that one.

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Blogger SciFi Dad said...

You know, if you'd used duct tape (and more of it) you would have one cool looking UFO.

Thursday, October 28, 2010 6:58:00 PM  
Blogger Kevin McKeever said...

Can't you get arrested for showing off your kid's pumpkin?

Thursday, October 28, 2010 7:10:00 PM  
Blogger msprimadonna67 said...

I'm like the anti-Martha Stewart. I'm mean, I'm not opposed to her or anything; I just am hopeless in the craftiness department. My kids are pretty forgiving of me, usually. I'm having a little anxiety right now about the pumpkin my kid is begging me to carve for her tomorrow. Ack!

Thursday, October 28, 2010 7:32:00 PM  
Blogger Lisa @ Lisa Moves said...

I can't wait till Halloween is over and the pressure to be crafty moves on to Thanksgiving. Maybe we could just flash forward to after Valentine's Day, there's very little craftiness expectation between March and August.

"flakes off of Satan's ass" made me bust out laughing. I've been saying glitter is the work of the devil for years.

Thursday, October 28, 2010 7:43:00 PM  
Blogger Logical Libby said...

I would have made her swallow your pumpkin. And then told her to respect her elders.

Thursday, October 28, 2010 7:53:00 PM  
Blogger Bijoux said...

You actually paint a lovely picture regarding Satan's fanny!

I personally think that pumpkin is really cute. Reminds me of those little pom pom characters with the big feet and eyes. I think you've invented a new craft worthy of that 'Family Fun' magazine.

Thursday, October 28, 2010 8:15:00 PM  
Blogger Sailor said...

Not being crafty myself, and sooo understanding the "deer in headlight" look I would get, when the kids would ask me...

I learned that the appropriate response is always, always:

Awwwwww. I think it's a grand pumpkin!

Thursday, October 28, 2010 8:40:00 PM  
Blogger Bekah said...

well i'll never look at glitter the same way.

Thursday, October 28, 2010 10:36:00 PM  
Blogger Leandra said...

I like to think of my self as a semi-crafty person. I can come up with some decent ideas and usually pull them off, but dude, that spider idea is awesome. Next time when your son is wanting to do something crafty, invite THAT kid over. Problem solved!

Friday, October 29, 2010 7:30:00 AM  
Blogger justmakingourway said...

I secretly wish I was crafty. Not like crazy-scrapbooker-crafty, but crafty enough to think of something like pumpkin spiders. And then actually have the stuff to make them.

Eh. They'd probably freak my daughter out anyway.

Friday, October 29, 2010 8:35:00 AM  
Blogger Craig said...

". . . the dry skin that flakes off Satan's ass. . ."

I love it. . .

So, this would be yer punkin's pumpkin? Or the Pumpkin of Punkins?

And smashing, indeed (even tho I had pretty much stopped paying attentnion by the 80s. . .) (but there is something oddly apropos about 'punkins' in context. . .)

Friday, October 29, 2010 9:26:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Those haunted houses are awesome. As is the cool, slight odd pumpkin. I like the mini Martha comment. Seriously, kid? Wonder if he's ever hot glued his fingers together...

Uncrafty people of the world unite!

Friday, October 29, 2010 9:40:00 AM  
Blogger Cheryl said...

I thought this was the year of "Pumpkin au Nu." No? Maybe that's 2011.

I personally love glitter. In the bottle. The bottle that's never been opened. Sparkly.

Friday, October 29, 2010 11:42:00 AM  
Blogger Pat said...

Uh, cool pumpkin?

"When I think of making something fun, I think of either brownies or love". PRICELESS.

Saturday, October 30, 2010 7:14:00 PM  
Blogger lime said...

ya know, i've heard glitter referred to as the herpes of the craft world but i'm thinking your definition is pretty dandy too!

Saturday, October 30, 2010 8:19:00 PM  
Blogger Christina Lee said...

If you had white duct tape, you could have wrapped it round and round and made a mummy. Just sayin'. AHAHA love the Martha Stewart kid!

Monday, November 01, 2010 8:40:00 AM  
Anonymous Kelley @ magnetoboldtoo said...

When Moo moved out we found glitter everywhere... and I banned that shit in 1998.

That pumpkin is Teh Awesome.

Tuesday, November 02, 2010 2:44:00 AM  
Blogger the weirdgirl said...

OK, you keep insisting that you're not crafty and yet you take some of the most amazing photos EVER!

Confess photographer. The jig is up.

Saturday, November 06, 2010 2:52:00 PM  

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