...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Monday, April 21, 2008

we built this weekend, we built this weekend on rock & roll


The above represents the bulk of what I accomplished this weekend. Oh sure, I had grand plans for a very productive Saturday. When the boys all left the house, I was going to tear through the place with garbage bags as my side arms and start tossing out the carcasses and trash that have accumulated around here over this long, hard winter.

That was the plan in my head, anyway.

But in my heart?

In my heart I heard the roar of the crowd. I could picture the scene. I put my ear to the wall, then like a distant scream, I heard one guitar, just blew me away...

So, around 1:15 p.m., approximately 30 minutes late (like any rock star worth their contract rider in green M&M's and weed), I strapped on my blazing red plastic guitar, hit the Bud Light Stage in my living room, and under the guise of one Judy Nails, kicked ass, and proceeded to do so until, oh, let's say 8 p.m.

What's that you say? Nearly seven hours of solid rock goodness!? You get your monies worth when you buy a ticket to one of my shows, ladies and gentlemen! You came here to rock, didn't you? I can't hear you! I said, "YOU CAME HERE TO ROCK, DIDN'T YOU?"

Then rock you shall do!

Except for the part when, in a fit of "I'm a golden god!", I believed I could execute a pristine rendition of Heart's Crazy On You (I heart you, old school Heart) in 'expert' mode and kept having to restart it within the first two minutes of the song. Around the 12th time, I thought I heard a "boo" off stage left, so I flipped off the culprit, tried one more time (curses, Nancy Wilson!), then backtracked for another go at the Foo Fighter's Monkey Wrench (I really heart you, Dave Grohl).

Around hour five, I hit pause and took a little nap, but only because my roadie (the one who keeps me juiced via the Red Bull and our simmering sexual tension, and who scours the crowd for cute boys to come backstage and fawn over me) insisted I looked tired. He was all, "Sometimes you sleep. Sometimes it's not for days. The people you meet, they always go their separate ways," and really, he speaks the truth.

However, it's hard to sleep when you've got the rock coursing through your veins. Thirty minutes later, I was at it again. Three more hours of this rock and roller coaster we call life and it was encore time, baby! In true rock cliche fashion, that encore would've been Freebird, but I've not gotten that far yet (probably because I like to play "Surrender" a lot and that slows me down a bit, ok?).

I realize the day was excessive (excessively cool!), and my house is still littered with the bones of those who came here to die over the winter, but this will no doubt be the closest I come to rock super stardom (if by "super stardom" you believe "medium" is the level to play, and you continually blame it on sensitive fingers), and there will always be some kid out there, with no responsibilities or cares, who's all, "eh, here's your rock hands, mofo!" anyway. So next weekend? Next weekend I clean the house, and dream about the days when I used to be a legend in my own living room.

Unless it's time to hit the reunion circuit! Then I'm all in, baby, but only for the right price and a percentage of ticket sales. I have lots of pretend alimony to pay, and a crazy lust for Rock Band.

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16 Comments:

Blogger Backpacking Dad said...

Hang on a second....are you Wil Wheaton blogging under a different name?

I tried a Guitar Hero game once in a Best Buy and thoroughly shamed myself playing a song that I can actually play on a real guitar.

It was tragicomic.

Monday, April 21, 2008 12:26:00 AM  
Blogger Sailor said...

Seems to me, that your weekend was just right. Cleaning and tossing, while fun and satisfying, are NOwhere near as hot as rock.

Encore, I say Encore!

Monday, April 21, 2008 4:28:00 AM  
Blogger kimmyk said...

i'm so gonna start a fan club and be the president.

you can call me penny lane.

Monday, April 21, 2008 5:18:00 AM  
Blogger FTN said...

That Ben kid that does Through the Fire and the Flames on Expert? Yeah, I wanna kill him.

I'm currently hampered by the lengthy solo towards the end of Metallica's One on "Hard." Sadly, GH3 is currently the only GH game available on the Wii, but rest assured that Xavier Stone will conquer Lou on that level at some point. Perhaps Xavier and Judy need to tour together?

Seven hours though? Seriously? That's beyond my comprehension. Phish doesn't even play for that long.

Monday, April 21, 2008 9:42:00 AM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

I just remember how proud I was when I finally got that sweet riff from 'Crazy On You'. Of course, I'm told that one's aptitude on 'Guitar Hero' is roughly inversely proportiona to one's skill at playing an actual guitar. . .

So, you don't have to worry, you're doin' fine, my dear. . .

(Ah, you know the pleasure's mine. . .)

Monday, April 21, 2008 10:19:00 AM  
Blogger cat said...

I just can't get into Guitar Hero. We have the first one. I'm a total Karaoke Revolution whore though.

I'm a singer, not an instrument player. ;)

Monday, April 21, 2008 10:28:00 AM  
Blogger Laura B. said...

Dude...You're my hero...

Monday, April 21, 2008 12:02:00 PM  
Blogger Cocotte said...

Rock On Girlfriend!
I've never gotten further than the Foghat song.....and then I'm just thinking about Jim Carey and laughing and it's hard to concentrate.

Monday, April 21, 2008 12:56:00 PM  
Blogger Choppzs said...

I tried once. When the guys were on their guitar hero kick and played all day and all night. I sucked. Sucked hard. But that's ok, I kick ass at sing star! lol

Monday, April 21, 2008 1:30:00 PM  
Blogger Bogart in P Towne said...

There is a reason I have resisted the call to buy that game...it is this post. I can't do it, I just can't do it. (at least until I beat Sunday Tiger in Tiger Woods '08)

Monday, April 21, 2008 1:48:00 PM  
Blogger Bee's Dark Side said...

Awesome! We had a CRAZY Rock Band party for my 5 year old niece's party!
::sigh:: I can't wait for them to come out with some Carpenter's songs! ;op

Monday, April 21, 2008 8:22:00 PM  
Blogger Mandy Lou said...

Sounds like a perfect weekend - not sure what the problem is. But then, as you know, my house boy does all my house work ;-)

Monday, April 21, 2008 9:03:00 PM  
Blogger Real Live Lesbian said...

What a blast! My friends have it, but I'm afraid to play. I know I'd be HOOKED!

Tuesday, April 22, 2008 11:49:00 AM  
Blogger Bee said...

Hey! Why aren't you on twitter?? I would soooo follow you!

http://twitter.com/Beesmusings

Tuesday, April 22, 2008 11:56:00 AM  
Blogger Therese in Heaven said...

I tried once. I think it was probably very sad to watch. I guess I'm just not the rock star type.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008 12:41:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

BP Dad - See, I have nearly convinced myself that my quasi-prowess on GH means I could pick up a real guitar and play it like some Asian child prodigy. I'm a legend in my own living room.

Sailor - I'm ready to throw down an encore, but if my kids so much as hear me opening the drawer the PS2 is stored in, I'll never get my stage time!

kimmy - God help me if I got Rock Band and suddenly thouht I could really play the drums. But I don't wanna. I know some drummers who are hella lame.

FTN - Don't you just want to thump that kids forehead when he looks at the camera and gives that little wave, all "I'm so much better than you; alas, I have no friends," look? Because I kind of do. I'm not even ashamed to admit that.

I think we should have our managers get on this Xavia/Judy double bill. Except it will be as Judy/Xavier. And there will undoubtedly be a VH1 "Behind the Music" about them at some point, but the rock must roll!

Des - If I could play that song on an actual guitar, which, clearly, I think I can just pick up and play after seven hours hitting five colored buttons on a game controller, I would play it constantly. Until the neighbors yelled at me to learn a new song.

Cat - I want Rock Band purely to feed the fires of my pretend abitlities to sing. And I want to outfit my mic with scarves and the scent of whiskey.

Laura - Ha! I thank you for appreciating my overall sense of laziness!

Cocette - My only wish is I could boost my set list faster than I am, but then I'd miss playing "Surrender" so much.

Choppzs - I have been known to covet the Sing Star games when on a Target run!

Bogart - Rock and roll, even pretend rock and roll, is a selfish, bitter mistress. Stay strong, and work on your pretend golf swing!

Bee' Dark Side - Oooo...you are sneaky with your dual sides, Bee. This is perfect for being a front woman in a pretend rock band!

Mandy - The only way I got so much free time to tour my living room is because my own house boy was busy elsewhere. He's got a lot of ground to make up when he gets back on schedule!

Real Live Lesbian - Yeah! New comments! Thank you for them! I got hooked the moment I watched some kid kill a Motley Cru song at Best Buy one afternoon. Resist while you can!

Bee - Um, because the word "twitter" makes me giggle? I don't know why I'm not. Let me look...

Therese - If you flash rock hands even while in practice mode, it's still hardcore!

Tuesday, April 22, 2008 9:09:00 PM  

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