...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

'on the razors edge you trail...'

This past Saturday, I was standing in the bathroom with my oldest son, who was nearly kissing his reflection in the mirror as he admired the loss of his lower left incisor. This boy, who's dancing in the shadow of his 11th birthday, is rapidly losing the last of that which keeps him a young child in my eyes. The departure of his last few baby teeth, I thought, was going to put me over the edge.

That was until I noticed he'd turned his attention away from his gaping smile and was brushing at something on his lip. I watched as he squinted his eyes and worked more intently at the nemesis under his nose. Unable to see what his goal was, I tapped the mirror until he glanced at me, and asked what the problem was.

"I have a mustache, Mom! Should we talk about when I can start shaving?" he responded, and I swear to you, it was as if his voice had dropped an octave for every one of his 10 years, and I wanted to call to my husband and have him address this matter, but I was afraid waking him would startle his elderly heart, or he'd break his hip trying to hobble up the stairs while yelling, "Moose trap? What's all this jibber jabber about a moose trap!?" while I screamed back, "No, Pa. Your son here said he has a MUSTACHE, not MOOSE TRAP! Get a damn batt'ry in that hearing aid, old man! Why, if I didn't know better, I'd swear that man don't but keep that thing turned down just to irritates me, dang nabbit..."

Instead, I looked at his boy - a boy, dammit! just a boy! - who thought the "penis and puberty" class he went through just a handful of weeks ago was mega super GGGGRRRROOOSSSS, and thought "Oh my God, like, I should be handing him a condom to tuck in his wallet 'just in case,' and telling him to be home by 1 a.m., because you know how Dad worries, and you know you can call us if you ever get in trouble. And don't do drugs, k? Because drugs are bad..."

On and on. By the time I realized he was trying to get my attention again, I had my son married to the nice, quiet girl he met after a successful post-graduate career and a dalliance into local politics, considered only after a knee injury eight years into a successful NBA career benched his efforts. When I was fully conscious again, I heard him say, "I think it was just some crumbs from my toast."

Which is good, because I think I'm really not ready for him to give up on this little boy thing yet.

Dang nabbit.



Blogger Crazy Computer Dad said...

My son will be 11 in a little over a week. He has asked about shaving lately. He also asked if the hair on my chest came from coffee. I just replied, "No, we are mammals, and mammals have hair." Fortunately he is still a little boy in most respects, but I can see little changes here and there that tell me he's not going to be for much longer.

Monday, May 19, 2008 1:48:00 AM  
Blogger Cocotte said...

Wait until he locks himself in the bathroom or bedroom for hours at a time and you have to try to not think what he could possibly be doing in there.

I miss my sweet, innocent little boy!

Monday, May 19, 2008 6:31:00 AM  
Blogger XI Summit said...

Strap in, prepare for acceleration, the ride is about to take off .....

Sunday, she who is 36D says "Dad can we stop at the store for some necessary items I need?" followed by 38D saying "yeah, and I'll need some in a couple days".

The only saving grace: they had cancelled their weekly Sunday evening get-together with friends so I wouldn't have to watch 'em drive off into the night .....

Toast-crumbs indeed!

Monday, May 19, 2008 7:58:00 AM  
Blogger Therese in Heaven said...

Wait! Little boys grow up eventually?! I'm planning on MA being a toddler forever.

Monday, May 19, 2008 8:18:00 AM  
Blogger Bogart in P Towne said...

We do have to grow up at some point...

Monday, May 19, 2008 8:38:00 AM  
Blogger Wonderful World of Weiners said...

First shaving the face then hair in "other" places. It happens so fast. Hold on and enjoy the ride cuz it's seriously over before you know it!

AS afar as the sex at your house lasting for days....PLEASE DO NOT TELL MR. HALLISICLE!!!

Hallie :)

Monday, May 19, 2008 8:48:00 AM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

Yeah, it can be a li'l startling the first time it dawns on you that yer li'l boy is on his way to manhood. But, honestly, male puberty doesn't involve a whole lot more than a razor and a can of shaving cream. I was pretty completely unprepared for my daughters' 'crossing over' - the first bra, shaving of armpits/legs, procurement of 'supplies', etc, etc. . . And dad isn't supposed to know about it when it happens (or at least, God forbid, say anything about it. . .)

Monday, May 19, 2008 9:11:00 AM  
Blogger FTN said...

Hey, MY parents never handed me a condom to tuck in my wallet.

I know this post isn't true, because any boy in your family won't be shaving the 'stache. He'll be rockin' it full-on like it's 1975.

Monday, May 19, 2008 9:49:00 AM  
Blogger Michael said...

I told my kids this weekend that they appear to be aging much faster than I am, as I can't possibly be old enough to have a son about to be a HS senior and a daughter who will be a teen on her next birthday.

They laughed at me. Children can be so cruel. *sigh*

Monday, May 19, 2008 9:58:00 AM  
Blogger Mike said...

LMAO. But it is true I was very heart broken when my little boy was no longer little and growing into a kid. I'm not ready for the moustache talk yet.

Monday, May 19, 2008 10:06:00 AM  
Blogger Mandy said...

I'm obsessed over my 3 year old staying 3. What do you mean SHAVING?!

I am so not prepared for this growing up thing. Really. Not.

Monday, May 19, 2008 10:24:00 AM  
Blogger Melody said...

I hate when they grow up. I'm so glad I got two more little ones who won't be dating, or shaving or whatever for at least 5-6 years.
Oh - and we like to tease Possum, 'cause he shaves about once a month and we can never see the fuzz, and because we're really mean parents...

Monday, May 19, 2008 10:37:00 AM  
Blogger Jericho said...

wow... almost parallel lives going on here.
Love your blog, found via KimmyK, btw. Can't wait for the time to read more!

Monday, May 19, 2008 10:45:00 AM  
Blogger Backpacking Dad said...

Sneak into his room at night and take the razor to him so he never ever notices hair on his lip again.

Because if he doesn't see the moustache he can't grow up, right?

Monday, May 19, 2008 11:25:00 AM  
Blogger Biscuit said...

I do not look forward to these days. My son reminded me on his 9th birthday that he was only 4 YEARS away from being a teenage.

Monday, May 19, 2008 12:02:00 PM  
Blogger Wethyb said...

Toast??? LMAO! Too damn funny!!

And I thought Princess going to pre-school was bad enough...I don't want to go to the "I wanna shave my legs" thing yet.

Monday, May 19, 2008 6:44:00 PM  
Blogger kimmyk said...

I wish that our children could remain children for longer than they do.

Wait til he has to start shaving though-its horrible. I mean the shaving cream everywhere and still they miss. Which just proves their still little boys afterall.

god what are ya gonna do when he wants to talk about wet dreams? seriously, wake the hubs on that one!

Monday, May 19, 2008 9:23:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh how i wish they could stay kids forever!

my little ones are about to graduate outtah my prek class and head on out into the big bad world of kindergarten. if i could bottle their innocence and honesty forever i would. i wanna just protect them from the world and keep them safe from all the garbage out there.

but alas Mama Bird's gotta let her babies fly, and hope that every once and a while they come back to the nest for a visit. :)

have a great week, my dear!

Monday, May 19, 2008 9:53:00 PM  
Blogger Nanette said...

Mkay...oh my god you sick little monkey! :) Sorry, off on a tangent! Why, why, why must they grow up so fast? :(

Monday, May 19, 2008 10:10:00 PM  
Blogger DeeDee said...

My guy will be 14 in July and it's killing me. I refused to listen to anyone when they said his voice was changing but I've finally had to come to terms with it after mistaking him for some strange man while talking to him on the phone.

It also doesn't help that he is AT LEAST three inches taller than me now and I'm an average 5'4"!! What da hell?!

Monday, May 19, 2008 11:10:00 PM  
Blogger Wonderful World of Weiners said...

Giant hissing cockroaches? I think that's symbolic of a recent angry phallic object you must have encountered!!

Hallie :)

Tuesday, May 20, 2008 9:40:00 AM  
Blogger Bee said...

Oh lord!! I hope you’re not there when he makes the OTHER hair discovery. Totally man’s job.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008 11:49:00 AM  
Blogger Claire said...

I just posted recently about my boy growing up. He just turned 12. His voice is changing. He is taller than I am. His feet are bigger than mine. I can see the shadow on his upper lip. He's very private when he's dressing and in the shower, so I have no idea if he has hair in *those* places. I suspect he does.

I get sad just thinking about it. I miss my little boy.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008 9:30:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

CC Dad - Excellent response! I could perhaps throw off my son for a bit longer with the whole mammel thing, for then he'll start in on his fascination with monkeys! It might buy me a bit more time!

Cocotte - The little monkey already spends a long time in the shower as it is. If things get much worse, I'm gonna start thinking he's actually a girl.

XI - Ha! Well, lucky for the dudes around this house, I've no problem picking up razor blades at the store for them. One of these days, they're going to do me the same favor with the products I need.

Therese - I'm still tinkering with the time freezing machine I've been sporadically working on in my basement. I'm hoping to devote a bit more time on in this weekend!

Bogart - I'm still trying to find that point for myself. Definitely trying to find it for my husband.

WWW - LALALALALALALA - don't wanna hear that - LALALALALALALAL ;)

Des - And I gotta figure it includes fighing off hordes of girls who want to hang out with him. At least it feels like that now. I swear to you, everytime we swimming at the YMCA, he's like a magnet to all the little girls there. I lose him for three hours because the girls are doing flips and dives to impress him!

FTN - There shall be rocking of goatees and whiskery shadows circa 1984 in my home, my good man, but there shall be no rocking of the porn 'stache! You seem to forget I got Tool Man to shave his 'stache off in order to continue our dating relationship!

Michael - I'm still freaked my youngest will be entering first grade, so that my oldest will be heading into junior high is killing me!

Mike - I'm hoping I can keep my youngest son as adorably sweet and young as he is now in light of what I'm learning with my oldest, but I fear it's not going so well!

Mandy - These kids seem to keep growing now matter what we do, and I've tried heavy books on their head even!

Melody - Ha! Well, if my oldest shaves as haphazardly as he brushes his teeth, he's going to be a patchy mess!

Jericho - Thanks for the visit and the very nice comment. It's shocking to me to have kids suddenly this age. I don't feel like it's possible!

BP Dad - Excellent idea! This, of coures, means I can scrap the work on my time freezing machine in the basement and start tackling the real life matters I've let fall around me, so my family thanks you, too!

Biscuit - I overheard mine talking the other night about how my oldest will be able to drive in three years and I kid you not, I forgot what I was doing and my jaw fell and I just sat there in a daze for about an hour!

Wethyb - I don't know if sneaking into her room at night and shaving her legs when she's asleep would help her to not realize she's getting older or not. That's more ground to cover!

kimmy - Believe me, girl, you know that thought raced through my head when I walked by his bedroom one day a couple weeks ago and found it littered with a ton of clumped up tissues. I rushed by the door, all "No, no, no, no, no..."

katie - I'll push them out of the next, but they're going to get the sense that someone is following them, and that someone would be me, flying really close by, but not so close that I couldn't hide behind a tree or in some branches, so they don't know what I'm doing!

Nan - Yeah! Nan! Hello, my sweet! My goal, after learning what kind of human stain is out there in the world, is to ensure this boy of mine never grows up to be a human creepshow, a sick little monkey!

DeeDee - Ha! Sometimes, when I get to the phone before my son does, I get mistaken for a pre-pubescent boy! I need to work on the sultry voice a little more. That can be my next project since Backpacking Dad has freed me from the task of building my time freezing machine!

WWW - No phallic imagery I can conjure up is ever angry. At least not for long! Ha! But lord, I do need some sleep.

Bee - LALALALLALALALALA - don't wanna hear or deal with that part!!! - LALLALALALALALALA

Claire - My oldest is pushing at the my height here and it won't be much longer before he tops it. I'm figuring I have until the end of summer, and then it's all over!

Wednesday, May 21, 2008 8:34:00 AM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

Oh, just for the sake of sayin' so, the 'other hair' is a proud moment in the young man's life, you can be sure, but he ain't gonna be inclined to share it wif hims momma. . .

But, the 'trash-stache' comes along at pretty much the same time, if you really, really wanna know. . .

Wednesday, May 21, 2008 9:15:00 AM  

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