...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Monday, May 12, 2008

the perfect mother's day...

...for a Mom whose kids apparently wish she had a penis (or who find the calendar confusing and believe it to actually be Father's Day):
  • a breakfast of generic Pop Tarts (the cubic zirconium of toaster pastries) and milk. Wrappers, crumbs and the gallon milk jug left to warm on the counter for Mom to come downstairs 30 minutes later to discover, pick up, and put away.
  • Lots of sports. The talking of, watching of, and participating in. Lots. By the way? There is lots of sports.
  • Including the sport of "Smell it!" which renders Mom marginally scared and highly confused. Who taught these children how to belch like this? And seriously. What is that smell?
  • An afternoon showing of Iron Man, where Mom finds herself to be the lone woman in a bastion of men. The only mom in the area, it seems, who fought back when the men of the house suggested giving their wives/mothers time to herself on Mother's Day because she once dreamt of licking Robert Downey Jr.'s sharp goatee. This achievement (being the only woman in the place, not the goatee licking) is cemented when it's determined the three year old twins seated behind her, the ones who keep asking their dad in their high pitched voices, "Is him a good guy or a bad guy? I need to potty! Is him dead now? Does him die now? Why him doing that? I need to potty! Him bad now? When him be Iron Man?" are, in fact, boys. The Mom silently thanks them for asking their questions, though, because event though it's annoying as hell, their dad's answers keep her from having to ask her husband similar questions in her own high pitched voice.
  • And the theater? It smelled. Seriously. What is that smell?
  • A dinner menu consisting of Mom's choice of pizza or sub sandwiches. Thirty minutes after the last of the pizza is consumed and Mom begins to wonder who's going to pack up leftovers and pick up the kitchen, she gets up and takes care of it.

It wasn't a bad day. Nope. Not even plastic yard flowers shoved in a bucket filled with cat litter and presented to me by my youngest son (again, because he first gave them to me a week ago when he sneaked up on me in my bathroom and scared me to death) could have made it a bad day.

But on Father's Day?

On Father's Day, there will be breakfast in bed and no talk of wrestling. There will be no belching for points and unidentifiable smells. And there will be an afternoon matinee of Sex and The City.

Mom's can get confused reading a calendar, too!



Blogger Backpacking Dad said...

Ah, Mother's Day....definitely the one you want your kids to have the least input on :}

Monday, May 12, 2008 9:31:00 AM  
Blogger Mike said...

Now that's a Father's Day I want to hear about. LOL.

Monday, May 12, 2008 9:44:00 AM  
Blogger Bogart in P Towne said...

Well, the pizza sounds good.

Monday, May 12, 2008 10:15:00 AM  
Blogger Wonderful World of Weiners said...

Are you SURE you didn't have fun? Sounds like someone owes you a Father's Day big time!!!

(although I do love an occassional Poptart!)

Hallie :)

Monday, May 12, 2008 10:36:00 AM  
Blogger Choppzs said...

Sounds way to much like my Mother's Day, only we had to watch Star Wars. Uckkk!!!

But at least I got to eat at a great resteraunt (ClaimJumpers) and have a good steak and drink!

Monday, May 12, 2008 11:32:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I heard Iron Man wasn't that bad. However, I heard it from a bunch of men so maybe...

Monday, May 12, 2008 12:40:00 PM  
Blogger FTN said...

"Smell it!" is a fantastic game.

If you DID have a penis, things would get surreal around here very quickly.

I mean, you know, even more surreal than normal.

Monday, May 12, 2008 12:42:00 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

Nah, Iron Man was great, RD Jr is some hot stuff. Although, RD Jr in a pair of bikini swimtrunks instead of a large metal suit is more the stuff Mother's Day dreams are made of.

Monday, May 12, 2008 1:59:00 PM  
Blogger Cocotte said...

I washed dishes, did the laundry, ironed, swept and vacuumed and visited my own mother. Because that's what Moms do.

The hubby gifted me with some Victoria Secret pajamas. I think he was going with the theme, "That's How You Became A Mom In the First Place." I'm not complaining though - they are nice pj's!

Monday, May 12, 2008 5:48:00 PM  
Blogger Crazy Computer Dad said...

On Father's day maybe you can treat them to a tea party, some shopping, and pedicures (or an all day spa to get rid of the "smell"). Just trying to help out with ideas.


Monday, May 12, 2008 7:52:00 PM  
Blogger The Mrs. said...

You're a saint.

Monday, May 12, 2008 8:58:00 PM  
Blogger Bee said...

But wasn't RDJ soo yummy?? I bet that made the smell bearable!

Monday, May 12, 2008 10:29:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LOL. too funny, Diff Gal.

yeah, i loved how Joe asked what HE was getting for Mom's Day. and i'm all, boy! i pushed all 10 pounds of u outtah my body and lived to tell the harrowing tale!! is that not enough for you!!? apparently not, cuz he had me go to Target and buy him that dadgum plastic lizard.

I think you absolutly rock as a Mom! your Father's Day idea sounds right up my alley too. :)

Tuesday, May 13, 2008 6:35:00 AM  
Blogger 1blueshi1 said...

I would LOVE to go see Iron Man! Also, I recieved an incredibly...uh...BEAUTIFUL..bottleof mostly gray, "colored" sand, "Because all the good colors were gone by the time I got up there, Mom!"
The smelling of belches, though, you've got me on that one. Sounds disgusting.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008 6:54:00 AM  
Blogger Melody said...

I'm a bit late getting around to my reader! This sounds like a typical Mother's Day for a Mom of boys. LOL! As you saw, mine did go quite well, although there was a lot of NASCAR & sports memorabilia involved...

Plus, Budman got his Father's Day present on Mother's Day - he got a boat, so I think I got screwed! LOL!

Tuesday, May 13, 2008 9:08:00 AM  
Blogger Biscuit said...

Happy Mother's Day :) It's never quite what we thought it would be.

My family brought me breakfast in bed, too. It was a nicely thought out heavy meal of biscuits and gravy, bacon, scrambled eggs, donut holes, and coffee. All right before I had to get on a bike.


Tuesday, May 13, 2008 9:27:00 AM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

BP Dad - Dude, don't even get me started on the Tool Man's past foibles as a recognizer of all things requiring a gift for me. I don't doubt for a minute he's pondered the items at gas stations in moments of angst.

Mike - Before I take him to see Sex and The City, though, we're going for mani/pedis.

Bogart - The pizza was pretty darn good. Until the vomiting started. Follow me to my eventual new post, won't you...

WWW - There were moments of bliss, I'll give you that. And you can't really go wrong when there's Robert Downey Jr., looking down from a giant screen in front of you. But damn right, Father's Day is going to be sparkles and sequins, baby!

Choppzs - OH! I forgot! There was some Star Wars action going on here, too. Short of sitting around in my underwear all day, this was a perfect Father's Day!

Meg - The men you heard that from didn't steer you wrong! Get thee to the movie theater. Do not get thee a seat in front of chatty twin three year olds, though!

FTN - As I sit here, at this very moment, there are two boys upstairs and one of them just yelled out "Now smell THIS!"


You mean super surreal? Like if I took to calling you Daddy again?

Heather - RDJ is delish. I spent a little time pondering what decadent evil I could bestow upon the hole in one Tony Stark's chest...

Cocotte - Oh, I could use some new pajamas! I will get some for me for Father's Day! Thanks for the idea!

CC Dad - Your ideas are perfect. I was thinking a tea room and trays of little treats. Sipping mimosas. Shopping for heels. Definitely sometihng to abolish The Smell!

The Mrs. - Ah, I'm just a wife and mother who has learned what to expect!

Bee - I bet if RDJ smells, it smells of lilacs or hot fudge sundaes, both of which I'd be all over like a bee or whipped cream, respectively!

Katie - Ha! My youngest told me I had to take him shopping for HIM for Mother's Day a few weeks ago. I told him I already shopped for him six years ago, but I might still have the receipt to return him!

1blueshi1 - Sometimes, and I'm humbled to admit this, the belches around here also get rated. I'm humbled to admit that because I am the one responsible for bringing that aspect of the game into our house. Lord, I am so not proud...

Melody - Wha! Budman got a boat for Mother's Day?! You better get out there and pick out your Father's Day present NOW!

I laughed when I saw your NASCAR items. Well I know how that goes. You should see my basement...

Biscuit - Can I interest you in a generic chocolate toaster pastry next time? I split it with you!

Tuesday, May 13, 2008 8:16:00 PM  
Blogger Mandy Lou said...

Sounds like a perfect Mother's Day - in June...

Tuesday, May 13, 2008 10:57:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

mandy lou - Damn right! Father's Day is gonna be all about the lady!

Tuesday, May 13, 2008 11:22:00 PM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

Well, far be it from me to get all up-in-the grill of a fellow-member of the Dad-Man fraternity, but, um, that would never fly for Mother's Day around here. Breakfast-in-bed is not mandatory, but a full-out Nice Family Brunch, with assembly-line kitchen duties, supervised by the Dad-Man, is de rigeur (altho, in recent years, my two twenty-something daughters are happy to take on some of the supervisory duties). And Molly's usual request is to be Left Alone, which is simple enough, except that it includes the notion of Don't Bicker With Each Other, which is a tad more challenging to pull off.

This year, Mother's Day meant yard work and The Planting of the Herb Garden, which is a bit more demanding than the usual, but hey, it's her day, and Whatever Mama Wants, Mama Gets. For at least one day out of the year. . .

But hey, it seems that Mother's Day Karma eventually caught up with the Tool Man, eh? 'Cuz man, I hate cleaning up puke. . .

Wednesday, May 14, 2008 3:59:00 PM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008 3:59:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Des - Sounds like you had quite the productive Mother's Day, the kind that has me taking notes for future such days. Which, after the week I've been having, must be made up to me many, many times over!

Thursday, May 15, 2008 7:01:00 AM  

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