...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

my kids' mom has got it goin' on. apparently.

The other night, I met a friend at Starbucks for coffee and catching up. Over a pumpkin spice latte for me (Starbucks? Call me. I will totally sleep with you on the first date) and hot tea for my friend, we engaged in random discussions quite often punctuated by uproarious laughter. While taking a breath following one such hilarious moment, my friend settled back in her chair and gave me the once over while peering above the rim of her tea cup. Then, leaning across the table toward me, she declared, "You know, you're looking very MILFy tonight."

Her assessment caused me to choke on my latte, sending drops of its delicious crack-like goodness spilling down the front of my shirt. Because that's apparently how smooth and seductive we MILF types are.

Blotting away at my misfortune (And/or my friend's unfortunate lost eyesight) afforded me the opportunity review what it was about me on this particular evening that provoked such a remark. In my haste to get out the door to meet her, I'd doffed my sensible work shoes (Oh, New Balance black cross trainers in 10 wide, how you cuddle my feet in cushiony bliss for those oh so taxing three hour retail shifts) and slipped into a pair of black heeled boots hoping to improve upon my work pants ensemble (Mmmm...work pants! Tres sexy!), Also, perhaps there was some heave to the cleave, but nothing so out of the ordinary that MILFs everywhere would feel compelled to bow down at my (unpedi'd) feet and crown me their new queen.

Foregoing the napkin in favor of blotting my boobs with a Tide To Go stain removal pen (which, let it be known, doesn't work against the mighty Starbucks pumpkin spice latte), I glanced up at my friend and demanded she retract her statement immediately.

"Oh, I beg to differ," she stated. "Without question, you are positively MILF-esque!"

"It was because I just looked up at you with demure eyes through batting lashes, isn't it?" I asked.

"Well, there is that," she responded. "But it's the way you wave your hand in front of your face when you laugh, too. And your hair. Your hair is...."

"Too porny, isn't it! My hair is WAY too porny! I KNEW IT!" I injected. "Gah! I was worried about that!"

At that point a hush fell between us, and we may have tee-hee'd and tittered a bit, unsure of this new ground we'd forged in our friendship. On one hand, I wanted to embrace this woman who still can't say the word 'penis', but the other hand figured maybe she needed a little space. We sat silently for a moment, and I blew the steam off my fresh pumpkin spice latte (Seriously, Starbucks, I'll even make breakfast the next morning. How do you like your eggs?) while pondering my options, which included:

(A) going full-on late night Cinemax movie-mode, bursting with hints of girl-on-girl action (And who's kidding who here? All late night Cinemax movies have girl-on-girl action)(I mean, I assume so), thus dictating my next move be to dip my finger into the whipped cream atop my latte, pulled said finger gently through my pursed lips, and then trace it atop my friend's hand (or, you know, whatever), and suggest we go somewhere a little more private. Wink wink and all that.

or

(B) pretending we're the stars of a really heinous sitcom and engage in a hilarious spit take (or, you know, whatever) upon hearing her words, prompting the studio audience to fall into fits of laughter, and eventually make "You know, you're looking very MILFy tonight," become the show's initially hilarious, yet soon rapidly annoying catchphrase. Sort of like "The tribe has spoken," only cuter.

To be clear, regardless of the MILF-like mystique I was apparently emitting on this particular evening, I didn't think my friend really wished to begin engaging in any carnal delights with me before we had to pick up our respective kids from school each afternoon. I'm just not used to being referred to as such a fantastic (or, you know, whatever) mom. Even Tool Man refrains from referring to me as such, instead saying I'm his WWRLMDTIHTBHFFTFDOMANTPMTSBWIWTGHNA (Woman Who Randomly Let's Me Do Things I Had To Beg Her For For The First Decade Of Marriage And Now That's Pretty Much The Standard By Which I Want To Get Her Naked, Amen). In fact, he chuckled when I relayed this story to him later that evening, an unfortunate move which resulted in me not calling and/or making him my DILF (Which was a crying shame because I was hopped up on two lattes).

When the time came later that evening for my friend and I to part ways, we stood laughing in the parking lot, and set a date to get together again soon. "So, I guess this is goodnight," I said.

"Yes, I suppose it is," she replied, moving in closer.

"So...um...are we supposed to kiss now?" I gleefully inquired.

"I think a hug would be OK," she said.

"You just want to feel me up, don't you?" I cheered, jutting out my stained-sticked chest for her under the glow of the street lamp.

"Totally!" she cheered louder.

...then I ran my finger down her arm as we untangled from our embrace, and whispered, "I'll see you Tuesday night!"

And that, my friends, is the tribe having spoken.

Labels:

61 Comments:

Blogger Mandy said...

you're all about the sex lately!

lol... glad to know you're a MILF and your friends aren't afraid to show it.

Sunday, September 14, 2008 11:34:00 PM  
Blogger Michael said...

I may need a cold shower now... ;-)

Sunday, September 14, 2008 11:40:00 PM  
Anonymous Sam (teoi) said...

Way to work the HAWTNESS! MILF is one title I would never turn down. As long as it isn't coming from 2 teenage boys in the parking lot at Walmart (ahem), I would embrace it. Maybe next time you could show up in fishnets and a bustier.

Sunday, September 14, 2008 11:59:00 PM  
Blogger Bee said...

You are going to have men panting at you door, or um, comment BOX.

Monday, September 15, 2008 12:13:00 AM  
Blogger Brian o vretanos said...

It must have been the pumpkin spice.

Monday, September 15, 2008 2:25:00 AM  
Blogger The Savage said...

If ever you have cause to wonder why there is much that is lust that is me towards you, you have only to refer back to this post.
All this post needs is a 70's porn bass line....

Monday, September 15, 2008 4:23:00 AM  
Anonymous Kelley said...

None of my friends would even know what a MILF was. And they are terrified of touching a bra that has been worn by another woman.

I would totally take you out for a latte just to have you run your finger up my arm.

RAWR

Monday, September 15, 2008 4:47:00 AM  
Blogger CT Mom said...

I think you've totally rewritten the "Kissed a Girl" song ...

... taste of her pumpkin latte ...

Monday, September 15, 2008 6:18:00 AM  
Blogger 1blueshi1 said...

Good Lord, woman, this post had me checking out real estate in the Midwest and wondering what the school system was like just so I could go to Starbucks with you!

And how do you like your eggs in the morning? Eggs for five, is that it? hehehe

Monday, September 15, 2008 6:39:00 AM  
Blogger Always Home and Uncool said...

I need a cigarette.

And I don't smoke.

Any more.

Monday, September 15, 2008 7:41:00 AM  
Blogger Chuck said...

I've always assumed you were playing in the MILF arena, although I've yet to see a picture of you. I only wonder is it the same thing when said by another woman as it would be when said by a man or teenaged boy? Regardless, it still sounds pretty hot! ;-)

Monday, September 15, 2008 7:51:00 AM  
Blogger Madame Queen said...

One thing jumped out at me from this post -- if you're having a pumpkin spice latte, that means Gingerbread Lattes can't be too far behind!! Woo hoo!! Starbucks, here I come, baby!

Monday, September 15, 2008 8:11:00 AM  
Blogger Heinous said...

Wow, I need to hang out at starbucks.

Monday, September 15, 2008 8:41:00 AM  
Blogger Christina Lee said...

Wow! I quickly looked up at my web address to make sure I hadn't mistakenly typed Milf into my google search :)
Future job as a penthouse story writer?

Listen, girly, you won my shoe smitten wine glass contest!!!! I will email you the contact info. to get the glass shipped to you- Want to hear the funniest thing? She makes a MILF glass!!!!!!!! Want to exchange the shoe one for that?

Monday, September 15, 2008 8:51:00 AM  
Blogger graham's mom said...

I think that should be enthroned as a new guideline to establishing female friendships: can we talk about porn/penises/hot girl-on-girl action? Excellent. We should get along famously.

Monday, September 15, 2008 9:24:00 AM  
Blogger Stella Blue said...

Today's special guest poster: Ani Di Franco!

hee hee :-) You should have offered to show off some HAWT bellydance moves.

Monday, September 15, 2008 9:48:00 AM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

Mmmmmm. . . I love me the pumpkin spice latte. . .

Lessee. . . yer friend won't say 'penis', but she'll call you 'MILFy'? Oh, the incongruity!. . .

And sheesh, "we may have. . . tittered a bit" . . . You are such a tease. . .

Monday, September 15, 2008 9:53:00 AM  
Blogger FTN said...

How come all of my comments end up being 10 minutes behind Desmond's?

Monday, September 15, 2008 10:01:00 AM  
Blogger Biscuit said...

Let's see...20 oz in a Venti (I googled)...5'6" girl (the older I get, the higher the age limit for girl gets)...how many of those do you think it would take to make me delicious enough???

Monday, September 15, 2008 10:16:00 AM  
Blogger Meg said...

I'm sure the pumpkin spiced latte covering your cleave made you even more MILF-like.

Monday, September 15, 2008 10:23:00 AM  
Blogger Eternal Sunshine said...

Wow - I'm uh... having a little trouble making eye contact with your blog...

And I agree with Madame Queen, if Pumpkin is avail, I can expect Eggnog soon!! YAY!

Monday, September 15, 2008 10:24:00 AM  
Blogger Choppzs said...

What's up with these pumpkin lattes, are they some sort of aphrodisiac or something? I'm so going to get one!

Monday, September 15, 2008 10:48:00 AM  
Anonymous LadyFi said...

Oh my goodness... Excuse my naivety... I've just had to google MILF! (Don't think we use that expression in Britain...)

My my! It made me all hot and bothered - if we had a Starbucks in Sweden (we don't), then I would run out and get me one of those lattes...

;-)

Monday, September 15, 2008 11:35:00 AM  
Blogger Ali said...

um.... HOT.

how come my friends never tell me i look milf-y? (wah)

Monday, September 15, 2008 11:35:00 AM  
Blogger MereCat said...

that story was told so well. I love, love, love reading your posts. I am probably more MILFy than I feel, but I really feel like the furthest thing from MILFy these days.

Congrats on the most excellent compliment! It's much tougher to be a MILF than it is to just be young.

Monday, September 15, 2008 12:04:00 PM  
Anonymous Pam said...

This MILF thing is going to come in REALLY handy when you jump the Jonas Brothers.

Monday, September 15, 2008 12:18:00 PM  
Blogger TentCamper said...

Go for it!!! Nice post! You don't even want to know where my head went.

Monday, September 15, 2008 12:45:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt Becky said...

I am, perhaps, moist now, you MILF, you. I am also of the overuse of commas camp.

Monday, September 15, 2008 12:51:00 PM  
Blogger Bekah said...

hahaha nice!

well...I guess being a MILF is much better than being the alternative!

Monday, September 15, 2008 1:17:00 PM  
Blogger Cocotte said...

I have never seen a woman in "mom jeans" at Starbucks. That place just attracts the MILF's.....
(headed there tomorrow)

Monday, September 15, 2008 2:37:00 PM  
Anonymous the weirdgirl said...

I have no doubt you are completely MILFy. I do wonder about the porno hair, though.

Monday, September 15, 2008 2:59:00 PM  
Blogger Tuesday Girl said...

shit. I totally have to meet you for coffee sometime.
I will even buy.

Monday, September 15, 2008 4:00:00 PM  
Blogger That girl from Shallotte said...

I just went and smoked before replying. As you know, Mr. Sweetypants is your newest fan. He clicked over to your blog this morning and proclaimed, "I love Diff Girl's blog... she's filthy!" In a good way, sooo good. :)

Monday, September 15, 2008 6:04:00 PM  
Blogger Carolyn...Online said...

Mmmm pumpkin latte.

Monday, September 15, 2008 6:37:00 PM  
Blogger Manager Mom said...

Oh, yeah,"WWRLMDTIHTBHFFTFDOMANTPMTSBWIWTGHNA". That old chestnut. If I had a nickel for every time someone called me THAT, I'd be 1/8216th of my way toward being able to buy a vibrator.

I have a sitcom catchphrase for you - "That's nucking futs". (From Dickie Roberts, Child Star.)

Own the MILF, my friend. Own it.

Monday, September 15, 2008 8:36:00 PM  
Blogger justlori2day said...

Wow.

I think she secretly chants penis when you arent around, but doesnt admit it to you just yet. She wanted to ease you into her new sexyness with her Milf - wants to grope you - new foundness.

So I am assuming you didnt go all "A" on her?

Monday, September 15, 2008 10:08:00 PM  
Blogger Chris Wood said...

Well, if you're going to be sexily spilling coffee all down yourself, men will start panting!

I can feel my pulse racing just thinking about it ...

Monday, September 15, 2008 10:49:00 PM  
Blogger The Stiletto Mom said...

Crap. I have to go find newer better friends now. This shit never happens to me. And my husband? Would totally dig it if it did!

Tuesday, September 16, 2008 12:28:00 AM  
Blogger PAPATV said...

Every time I see your profile picture I want to somehow turn my computer screen and use the mouse to move your hair aside to see your face! Shannon Doherty springs to mind though i bet you blow her away!

Tuesday, September 16, 2008 12:44:00 AM  
Blogger Backpacking Dad said...

Shame, shame, I know your name. (that's a movie reference, btw, and I know you know it because you'd better know it).

I can't believe you wouldn't just frickin' lie!!!! and give us the Skinemax ending.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008 1:03:00 AM  
Blogger Will said...

Dear Penthouse Forums....

Tuesday, September 16, 2008 10:43:00 AM  
Anonymous TwoBusy said...

Hendrix at Monterey, setting his guitar on fire and leaving everyone far beyond amazed? This was the latte lesbian blog post equivalent.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008 11:35:00 AM  
Blogger jenboglass said...

I'm kind of late getting in here (that's what he said), but consider yourself lucky. No one's called me a MILF is such a long time. Porn Hair? I think only women know what porn hair is. Men aren't really paying attention to the hair. Ahem.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008 11:48:00 AM  
Blogger Chas said...

Milfness is a badge of honor to be worn proudly. Unfortunately, I dropped mine somewhere after the birth of my youngest son 7 months ago. I'll probably find it in my junk drawer a year from now when I finally get around to cleaning it out.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008 12:29:00 PM  
Anonymous Redneck Mommy said...

I'd have totally slipped you the tongue. But that's the way I roll.

And maybe offer to lick up any spilled whip cream you dropped on your chest.

And where the hell is BPD link? I miss it. I only come here for that you know...

Tuesday, September 16, 2008 12:32:00 PM  
Blogger Andrea with the Flipflops said...

Now that is some hot girl on girl action! Cheers to all the MILFs of the world... may our boobs always be perky (or atleast have one hell of a good pushup bra).

Tuesday, September 16, 2008 1:33:00 PM  
Blogger Zip n Tizzy said...

Have heard pumkin pie, donuts and vanilla are all aphrodisiacs for men... if I do stand corrected, all three fit in with the whole MILF asthetic.
Starbucks is onto something, as apparently it's not so gender specific.
Nice to know you still have it going on in that mom kind of way, isn't it?

Tuesday, September 16, 2008 3:34:00 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

It's ok for teenage boys and 20-something guys to talk about MILF's but I think it's creepy when women talk about it, mostly because my little brother used to talk about my friends that way back when, and it wasn't really a compliment. I mean, yeah they are saying you're hot, but using your mom-status in a sexual way, which is just too perverted for me. =P Why can't they just say, a WILF. What's being a mom got to do with being ILF-able?

Tuesday, September 16, 2008 4:00:00 PM  
Blogger Stacie said...

Well..as usual, I'm a day late adn a dollar short, but it IS Tuesday and night is closing in, so I want to tell you, have fun on your date tonite! Don't do anything I wouldn't do :) Wait...

nevermind...

Stacie

Tuesday, September 16, 2008 4:04:00 PM  
Blogger Chat Blanc said...

So it is too soon to call it a MILFmance? You know, a like a bromance. ;)

Tuesday, September 16, 2008 5:03:00 PM  
Blogger katie said...

That's it Diff Gal!! when can i meet ya? we've got to go out and get a latte sometime!! :)

have a great rest of your week!

Tuesday, September 16, 2008 6:17:00 PM  
Anonymous bejewell said...

It's official now. Must. See. Porno hair.

I'll show you my mom bob if you'll show me your MILF hair.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008 9:13:00 PM  
Blogger MadWoman said...

I gotta get me some pumpkin spice.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008 9:03:00 AM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Mandy - Ha! Um, look up above. The sex that results in kids? Yeah, that part has now blown it for me!

Michael - Ah, the power of the written word!

Sam - I totally had my hair fluffed and ready for a night out last night that she cancelled on me! If she's cruising some other MILF I will have a MILF throwdown!

Bee - Heh, heh, heh. It got filled up!

Brian - Whenever I've been in doubt, I've always found you can't go wrong laying the blame on that pumpkin spice.

Savage - I totally heard it in my head the entire time. ;)

kelley - That would be an expensive latte for you, but go ahead and make travel arrangements at your convenience!

ct mom - Gah! I was going to play off that song and I completely forgot! I sang it, though, when I read your comment!

1blueshi1 - The school system rocks, the house next door to me just sold, but there's another one looming. I'll let you know!

Always home - Let me flick that lighter for you... :)

Chuck - My MILF Arena is totally like Thunderdome, which kicks ass hardcore!

Madame - The pumpkin spice latte is a new treat for me, and, based on what it's doing for me, I'll likely dive into a gingerbread one when they arrive.

Heinous - They will correct you if you say you want a large coffee. Just fyi!

Christina lee - Heh! I don't think I know enough slang words for anatomy to be a good Penthouse forums author!

graham's mom - I love your idea! It would cut down on those awkward 'mommy dance' moments!

stella blue - OH! We actually did take a belly dance class together! NOW I get what the attraction is!

Des - I am, in fact, a huge tease. I also am big on the tittering. :)

ftn - Step up on the stalking, doppleganger!

biscuit - It would take barely a sip of one, you magnificant hottie!

Meg - The way I routinely spill food and/or drink on my cleavage really does go a long way toward making me more adorable. Mostly lame and clumsy, though!

Eternal Sunshine - I'll now have to add the eggnog latte to my list of things to try, too!

Choppzs - I had no idea the power behind the pumpkin! Try one immediately!

ladyfi - I'm stunned to read there is a place on Earth that has yet to be inhabited by a Starbucks! Thanks for coming by. Sorry (?) it was on a MILF post! Hope you'll be back!

ali - You are totally hot and MILFable! I dedicated a song to you last night on Chag's Twitter Radio Show, but you must have been off doing other, potentially MILFy things!

Merecat - You're the sweetest to say that! Thank you! I know how you feel. Right now, I'm sitting here quite un-MILFish. However, I say we embrace the MILFishness any way we can!

Pam - Some days, that's the only thing that keeps me going!

Wednesday, September 17, 2008 9:44:00 AM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Tentcamper - You're head was busy writing something else, I do believe!

Aunt Becky - I am a comma whore, thus, you're perceived overuse of commas has, in fact, served to turn me on! ;)

bekah - I'm cougary enough of late, it would seem. I'll take the MILF thing as long as possible!

Cocotte - That place is a den of hotties. And me. ;)

weirdgirl - The porn hair is super fluffy and sometimes bordering on quite obviously fake looking, kinda like porn boobs!

tuesday girl - That you'd pay for my Starbucks coffee means I now love you!

that girl... - Mmmm...that Mr. Sweetypants would say that about my blog in an English accent makes me even more thrilled! However, he should really just be bracing himself for the heartbreak that will befall him when I steal you away from him!

Carolyn - Word!

Manager Mom - Double Word! It also takes him so long to call me that that I fall asleep before we can commence the pleasure, so good thing there's credit cards and Amazon. That's all me and my drawer full of treats are saying!

Lori - I'm still easing out of my stunned reaction, really. I had no idea a pastor's wife would know of MILFiness!

Chris - If necessary, sit down and breath into a paper bag!

Stiletto mom - Ha! I apparently need to get me one of those husbands who doesn't laugh when you tell him your girlfriend called you a MILF!

Papa - Heh. Stand upside down. It works better that way. I don't look quite as rough as Shannon D. from that angle!

BP Dad - I totally know it, Freddie Prinze Jr.! Sigh, oh, how we need a movie date... Not a Skinemax one, though, sadly. Tool Man doesn't spring for those fancy channels. I'm expected to make up those movies in my mind!

Will - Awesome...

Twobusy - Equally as awesome! I always enjoy when you come over to visit!

jenboglass - They certainly don't pay attention to the porn hair in the same manner, that's for sure!

Chas - I still thank a big chunck of mine is buried under a ton of Legos and some questionable laundry hidden deep in the closet in my oldest kid's room! We'll get it all back soon!

RN Mommy - Heh! You think my chest wouldn't already be stuck out in your face?! Pfft! That's just crazy thinking right there! I missed the links, too, but I didn't want to scare him with all the MILFy talky talk!

Andrea - Amen! Never underestimate the power of a mighty bra! Some days it feels like that's the only way I get up!

Zip - You're right about the pumpkin thing! I forgot! Probably because I'm a cinnamon girl myself. You're also right about it feeling pretty damn good to get the affirmation from time to time. I'll raise another pumpkin spice latte to that!

Heather - Oh, I think sometimes, as moms, or just women in general, we have a tendency to just get together and outline all our faults and our 'gah, look at my ass! It's so big!' drama, so my friend and I are, it would seem, turning over a new leaf in that department and countering each other's gripes with something good about the other. As it is right now, I'll take what I can get!

Stacie - She totally had to cancel on me! However, I'm having lunch here soon with a different girlfriend, SO...we'll see what kind of powers I possess over her!

chat blanc - Ha! Oh, it is so totally a MILFmance at this point! I'm writing her love letter blog posts!

katie - You'd never get a word in edgewise to tell me nice things because I'd be going on and on about your cuteness and killer guns!

bejewell - Let me work on the hair. Right now, it's pretty flaccid again!

madwoman - It's like crack steamed with milk!

Wednesday, September 17, 2008 10:06:00 AM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

". . . big on the tittering. . ."

You are so bad. . .

Wednesday, September 17, 2008 10:30:00 AM  
Blogger San Diego Momma said...

Can you tell me how to look MILFy? Since my face burning and botched boob job, I'm more mythical hobbit, than MILF.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008 9:59:00 PM  
Blogger Fu Manchu Dad said...

I would not be one for the smarmy comments that would normally be expected of guys. I am above all that. But if I were, it would be:
Pics, baby, pics!!

FMD

Thursday, September 18, 2008 2:07:00 AM  
Blogger Kimberly A. Suta said...

I would love for your blog to be a part of blog4reel.com – the world’s first blog-to-film competition. It’s free! All u do is link this blog to blog4reel.com for a chance to win 2,000!
– Kimberly (co-creator)
p.s. if you also have a video blog, we just launched vlog4reel.com

Thursday, September 18, 2008 3:13:00 PM  
Blogger Bogart in P Towne said...

Well, you may have a future as a cougar.

Friday, September 19, 2008 8:15:00 AM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Des - "...I'm just drawn that way." Oh, how long I've waiting for a chance to use that line!

San Diego Momma - Apparently, all you have to do is swap tennis shoes for something a bit less "aerobic," repowder your nose and run out the door 10 minutes late!

kimberly - hmmmm...

bogart - I think I'm close to tenure in that career!

Wednesday, September 24, 2008 6:52:00 AM  

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