...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Monday, December 14, 2009

it's not you, Christmas, it's me

Christmas? Can you come here a minute? I think we need to talk.

Listen, you've always been good to me. All this time we've been together, you've pretty much given me everything I've ever asked for. What's that? Oh. yes, I've forgiven you for not giving me that Easy Bake Oven when I was younger. I was being selfish and petulant. I'm glad we could move beyond that dark period in our relationship and get on with things. You really made up for it over the years, Christmas, and I thank you. I wish you could stop worrying about that.

You know what I find so amazing about you, Christmas? That for all the giving you've done, you've never once asked for anything in return from me. Sure, I try to do the whole "church thing" and understand the reason for the season and all that. I commiserate with you when I see you depicted as some silly oaf or snoozing animal decked out in a Santa Claus hat across the front of a greeting card. Since I'm being honest with you, though, I'm admitting now that I've most often sent out some snarky little cards over the years. Oh, come on! You know my friends!

Seriously. Enough about them! This is about us.

I've tried to be consoling when you've gone on and on about how others just don't get you. I know it's been hard for you to understand why people want to horn in on our relationship. When they start showing up in September, poking around and putting up pretty decorations, trying to lure you away. Well, I'm not gonna lie. It can be a little hurtful. I've seen how you look at them. I pretty much cast aside Halloween for you and you expect me not to be a little bit jealous? Halloween and I kind of had a good thing starting there before I realized my loyalties to you again. And let's just say it's a good thing I get a little more turkey when you roll up, m'kay? How have you not noticed the way Thanksgiving looks at me?

Listen. I don't want this to turn into an argument. You're too jolly for something like that!

OK, since we're being so honest, I have to get a few things off my chest.

What's that? Heh. Oh Christmas! You always know how to make me smile! Yes, you're right about my chest. It is a kick ass rack. What? You want to see it? Oh, OK...

Wait! What are you trying to do!? Please don't change the subject! Can we get back to what I was saying? I adore you! Really! But listen...

What? Oh. you just knew there was going to be a "but" in there? Please don't get snippy with me! OK, really, stop looking at me like that or I'm going to cry and I told myself I wasn't going to do that! Dammit! How do you have this kind of power over me?!

Listen. Listen! Would you just come back here?

I've been working a retail job now for five of your seasons. You assured me it would be busy and such. That people would be nice and friendly. That deep down they knew you were good and that would rub off on them. It would be all smiles and cheerful "Merry Christmas!" greetings. You taught me to not be afraid to say that even when people went with the less invasive "Happy Holidays." You taught me to give in spirit and not abundance. You assured me that, with proper planning, I'd be able to help you out by doing some of my own shopping and spreading our love to others.

But I'm tired. Your ideas aren't really working for me this year. People aren't being so nice anymore! They growl some response to me when I ask if I can help them, or they're pushing around in the aisles, forcing me to just grab like a mad woman when I go shopping. And they're messy, Christmas. The people are just so messy and rude lately. Plus, I don't think I can say "Would you like a gift receipt?" one more time without the possibility of provoking some carnage soon.

I'm tired, Christmas. I'm just so damn tired.

So what I'm saying is I think we need to take a little break. What's that? Are you crying? OK, now I'm going to start crying again! I thought I was stronger than this, dammit! I've been practicing this speech in my head for a week.

Yes. Yes. Yes, I still love you. No! I don't want us to be apart forever. Are you kidding? You mean too much to me, Christmas! I just think we need a little time apart. Figure out who we are without the other, you know? I think we're mature enough we can still be friends, don't you?

What's that? Oh. you plan on sticking around?

Sigh...whatever.

I have to go back to the store and work now. In the children's department, Christmas. Yeah. What do you think about that? See what you're making them do to me? That alone should be cause for a permanent break-up.


But you know what? You're right. I do love you. I'm so glad we had this talk, aren't you? What'dya say we celebrate our stronger, improved relationship with a little celebration? I say let's go shopping!


********************

I originally published this in December 2006. Oh, yes, my friends! I totally just re-gifted you!! Come on, though. Doesn't this beat that set of body lotion that smells like a flower never grown in nature? And didn't it fit perfectly when you tried it on? See? This is the most perfect gift ever! You're welcome! It was my pleasure! Besides, working a retail job this time of year means I've been working a lot, and it's sucking the life out of me, but everything I do, I do for you. Even if I rehash the old stuff.

Labels:

36 Comments:

Blogger The Bare Essentials Today said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

Monday, December 14, 2009 8:20:00 AM  
Blogger The Bare Essentials Today said...

Awww, sweetie. I couldn't even imagine working retail this time of year. People are terrible! It's almost over!

Monday, December 14, 2009 8:20:00 AM  
Anonymous TwoBusy said...

Aaaaaand now I've got Bryan Adams in my skull.

Thank you for that.

Monday, December 14, 2009 8:23:00 AM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

Hey, it was good the first time around; the good stuff never gets old. . .

Thanks again. . .

;)

Monday, December 14, 2009 9:00:00 AM  
Blogger Always Home and Uncool said...

Thanks, but I already got one these. Can I just take cash instead?

Monday, December 14, 2009 9:01:00 AM  
Blogger just making my way said...

I completely accept your re-gift. It's beautiful! And funny! Just like you! Oh, sorry - got kind of carried away with the buttering up.

Mmmmm, butter.

Monday, December 14, 2009 9:09:00 AM  
Anonymous Cheryl said...

Since I was clueless about what a blog even was in 2006, this is a brand new post for me. And totally terrific. Thanks for pulling it back up out of the dusty archives.

Monday, December 14, 2009 9:51:00 AM  
Blogger Cocotte said...

Considering I just spent an hour today roaming Borders with my 30% off coupon and found NOTHING to use it on. Yeah, we're grouchy customers!

Monday, December 14, 2009 12:01:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt Juicebox said...

I definitely haven't missed working retail this time of year. It's one of the things that makes me shudder when I think about going back to work. I'm considering becoming a stripper instead. A fat, old stripper. Because that would be so much better than working retail at Christmas.

Monday, December 14, 2009 1:11:00 PM  
Blogger Tuesday Girl said...

I hated working retail this time of year, the people were always so rude. I just blamed it on NY/NJ peeps!

Monday, December 14, 2009 2:41:00 PM  
Blogger Legallyblondemel said...

Rehash away, particularly when it's good stuff like this.

There is a special place above for you kind people who work retail at this time of year. Chicken that I am, all of my holiday shopping has been done online for the past few years. Bravo to you for keeping the Reason for le Season in mind (even if clutching it desperately in face of icky Christmas shoppers).

Monday, December 14, 2009 3:33:00 PM  
Blogger Anna See said...

I love this! Thanks for the reminder to slow down and be courteous!

Monday, December 14, 2009 3:44:00 PM  
Blogger Whitemist said...

This was particularly good.
I worked for a while retail and always had people with bad attitudes around Christmas and always messy!
So it was a while back and I do not think it has anything to do with Christmas, keep on with that love that you have for Christmas!

Monday, December 14, 2009 3:53:00 PM  
Blogger Pat said...

You didn't even have to tell us it was re-gifted! It still works!

Retail sucks this time of year! Keep smiling! And remember the customer is always right! (Yeah, right!:))

Monday, December 14, 2009 5:33:00 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

My hat is off to you working in retail, especially during Christmas. I don't know if I have the patience to do retail anymore. I hope I don't have to find out any time soon.

Monday, December 14, 2009 10:32:00 PM  
Blogger Craig said...

Biggest clue that this was a re-post?

The KAR hasn't been nearly so prominent a feature of your blog as it was in the 'early days'. . .

Tuesday, December 15, 2009 8:28:00 AM  
Blogger lime said...

well, it was new to me and i sure enjoyed it. hang in there!

Tuesday, December 15, 2009 8:34:00 AM  
Blogger Christina Lee said...

wow re-gifted, huh??? I totally love this post and am glad for the hand-me-down!!

Tuesday, December 15, 2009 9:22:00 AM  
Blogger Craig said...

"Biggest clue. . ."

Sometimes I slay myself. . .

;)

Tuesday, December 15, 2009 9:59:00 AM  
Blogger WILLIAM said...

is the rack as nice as it was in 2006?

great story.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009 10:03:00 AM  
Blogger That girl from Shallotte said...

I don't think I've ever loved you more.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009 11:19:00 AM  
Blogger Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub said...

I think Christmas was trying to get frisky with you!! That dirty old goat.

And I definitely have years where I feel that way. Not this year, but the last two have been more chore that ho-ho-ho.

xoxo I owe you an email...

Tuesday, December 15, 2009 4:19:00 PM  
Blogger Chris Wood said...

A recycled post? I want my money back, dammit.

Screw the environment.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009 5:07:00 PM  
Blogger Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

Thank you, since I didn't blog back in 2006, this was a first timer for me and I loved it. Cause I have been feeling like breaking up with Christmas myself, mostly because I am just not feeling that whole holly jolly spirit lately what with the not having a job nor any money thing going on. But I guess I will keep it around and try to convince my kids that Christmas really is all about being around those that we love - HA!

Tuesday, December 15, 2009 6:26:00 PM  
Blogger BiketoWork Barb said...

It was new to me and that's the whole point of regifting, right?

I may just be inspired enough by your randy Santa to write the "Bad Santa" post I've been threatening. It involves a ginormous blow-up Santa with something in his sack--nuff said?

Meanwhile, though, since you mentioned the "less invasive Happy Holidays" I thought you should read this piece by (full disclosure) my very talented daughter, who's also working retail, on her choice of holiday greeting. I think you'll like her writing style (and she's the one who got me started reading YOU, so that right there is a very good sign): http://polaroidromance.blogspot.com/2009/12/non-denominational-holiday-blog.html

@BarbChamberlain

Wednesday, December 16, 2009 12:29:00 AM  
Blogger Chag said...

Retail work during the holidays is Hell. Especially the days after Thanksgiving and Xmas.

We bought our daughter -- I mean -- Santa is bringing our daughter an Easy Bake Oven this year. It's her second. We broke the first one within a few weeks of purchasing it. Who knew if you left a utensil on the thing everything would screw up?

Anyway, feel free to come over and cook with my daughter.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009 9:55:00 AM  
Blogger Nap Warden said...

I love that you re-gifted us!

Wednesday, December 16, 2009 2:32:00 PM  
Blogger WhisperingWriter said...

Yes, I agree, let's go shopping. That always helps.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009 5:44:00 PM  
Blogger Zip n Tizzy said...

How is it now with the Elf on the Shelf.
That should be getting some of the customers to behave, Eh?

My huband keeps asking, "Do we have to do this?"
With kids, yes. We do. But we keep it minimal and low key, and I try and take care of most of it so no one else has to face the crowds.

Merry Christmas Darlin'! I hope those crowds are being good to you.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009 7:32:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

The BET - I should confess that, this year, the good have outnumbered the bad, but honestly, they all have their moments.

TwoBusy - Thus proving my point that, indeed, everything I do, I do for you!

Des - It's like a rerun of your favorite show! Maybe I should look into pay per view posting!

Always Home And Uncool - OK, this time you can have cash, but next time, without a receipt, it's credit for you.

Just Making My Way - Everything's better with butter, baby!

Cheryl - You're very welcome. At the rate I'm going, I may make this entire blog a time machine to the past!

Cocotte- Well, that is really just a sign you should have been shopping at Barnes and Noble! ;)

Aunt Juicebox - Truly, by the end of my shift, I'm so tired of hearing my voice and the voices of other, I might give some thought to this whole stripper thing, too.

Tuesday Girl - We're oh, so nice in the Midwest, but there are a few who like to spoil the myth.

legallyblondemel - After five years of working holiday retail, I have definitely drifted toward the online side of things, too, purely so I don't have to talk.

Anna See - I have to sometimes step into the breakroom, count to 10 and remember the same thing!

Whitemist - Oh, seriously, the messes! I end my shift in a shambles!

Pat - Happily, my shifts are of a reasonable amount of time I at least don't get too burned out in one swoop.

Heather - For what it's worth, I do feel lucky I work in a retail environment that isn't as chaotic as a big box store. I'd be crazy by now.

Craig - It's going to take me some getting used to this whole new name thing! The KAR is as trusty as it was in the old days. Just FYI.

lime - Thank you and thank you!

Christina Lee - The best part is it's the right color and fits everyone!

Craig - ;)

William - The rack holds up better than me some days.

That Girl From Shallotte - Swoon!

Amy - You really can't turn your back on that frisky old holiday!

Chris - Only if you have a receipt, sir.

Petra - We're pretty much in the same boat as you. My gig isn't a big money maker by any stretch, so there's lots of evenings I gently remind the boys about the real intent of the holiday, etc. To be honest, too, I could do without a bunch more stuff in the house as well!

Barb - Write it! Write it, I say! I've also marked your email as a reminder to go and read your daughter's post as soon as I can. Thanks for sharing.

Chag - I will be at your house promptly December 26 to commence baking tiny cakes and brownies! Huzzah!

Nap Warden - It looks very nice on you! ;)

WhisperingWriter - Let me blow the steam off my credit cards, lady!

Zip n Tizzy - Gah! We have so many Elfs (Stalkers) On the Shelf it's crazy, but seriously, people are buying them up! I should use your idea as one of my tactics to get one in each customer's hands, though!

Wednesday, December 16, 2009 9:32:00 PM  
Blogger Mad Woman said...

I love when people regift something awesome. Not so much when I get used bath sets. This was great!

Come boycott Christmas with me.

Thursday, December 17, 2009 10:25:00 PM  
Blogger Kate Coveny Hood said...

I don't mind a regift when it's expected to be a hit. This was. Love the part about how Thanksgiving "looks" at you.

Friday, December 18, 2009 4:34:00 PM  
Blogger bernthis said...

i actually worked at Anthropologie. Nightmare. I was smart and left before the holidays but then again, Christmas and I had but a brief affair and have not spoken since the divorce

Saturday, December 19, 2009 1:17:00 AM  
Anonymous A Vapid Blonde said...

Luckily for me the boutique I run is never a mad house over the holidays...unlucky for the store though!

Saturday, December 19, 2009 7:37:00 AM  
Anonymous DCUrbanDad said...

Can I trade it in for a snowplow? I like the gift but could really use a snowplow right now.

Saturday, December 19, 2009 2:26:00 PM  
Blogger The Stiletto Mom said...

You and Christmas might need some couples counseling...just saying.

Loved it, thanks for the re-gift!!!

PS: Sorry I've been a sucktastic friend lately...stupid job...making me work. Pfft.

Saturday, December 19, 2009 7:28:00 PM  

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