five days since you laughed at me saying get that together come back and see me

Oh sexy Internet!! Do you know what I haven't done for a very, very long time?

Uh, how 'bout update your dang blog for like a hundred million years?

Well, yeah, I know, Internet. I know. It's been a little while. The title of this post sort of gives that one away. It wasn't exactly what I was going for, but it works, so I'm sticking with it. I'm sorry, both for being a bit lazy in the title thing AND for not coming around in awhile.

However, yours was not the answer I was looking for when I asked if you had any idea what I haven't done in a very, very long time. Want to try again?

Sang opera badly?

That would be the only way I sang it. Also? No.

Pretended to know something about that one thing when really you don't know jack about a lot?

Done and done. I didn't come here so you could make me feel bad, Internet...

Had a starring role in my dreams?

That's between you and your God. P.S. - Nice job kissing up to me.

Been totally exhausted and defeated, but bucked up like the good little camper you are?

Totally. However, that's still not the answer I'm looking for today.

Then we give up.

Really?

Did I stutter?

No. Also, nice Breakfast Club reference. Fist bumps, Internet. That's why I love you.

The thing I haven't done here for a very, very long time is bust out with a gigantic Tits List!!
That's right! You know them, you love them! It's My List Of Things I Currently Think Are Awesome That I Like To Refer To As 'The Tits' But Will Also Refer To As 'Cool Stuff' For Those Of You Who Don't Care For That Word!

You've missed them, haven't you? I can't say I blame you. My previous Tits Lists are huge (ok, that particular one was sort of small) and, if you're like me, you can't take your eyes off them! I know this. That's why I still love so many of the things on those earlier lists. However, a good Tits List needs tweaking, and I'm here to give you one of those tweaks. Are you ready? Let's do this!

Tits List IV - Comin' Back For More!

• Desmond's return to LOST (I've missed ya, brotha)
• the word 'glisten' (it's almost 'moist,' but not quite)
• getting free CDs from work (Michael Buble, it's the only way you'd be in my collection)
• working out (only listed here as a means of convincing myself it's awesome)
• reruns of How I Met Your Mother on Lifetime
• roasted vegetables (who knew I'd love you so hard, brussel sprouts?)
• the return of Glee (to paraphrase Sue Sylvester, I was aroused and then furious when you were gone for four months...it's good to be back)
• What Would Brian Boitano Make on Food Network (love him)
• BBQ Popchips
• caramel Milky Ways
• the way my jeans are constantly falling down even though I've indulged in a few (too many) caramel Milky Ways (you win, working out...)
• Prince's Sign O' The Times cd (I'm gonna party like it's 1987...)
• brownie husband
• the guy shopping at the bookstore last week who, while on a cell phone call with a friend, said 'Talk to me, Goose."
• sleeping with the windows open again finally (until an ACTUAL goose flew over my house, loudly, at 4:30 a.m., and I lost that lovin' feeling)
• the massive, block-long hopscotch grid my kids and their friends drew in chalk that started at our garage door and ended up the street.
  
• logging onto Facebook and seeing the status update of one of my friends who plays Farmville that read "Jim is in search of wood."
• that my oldest son has decided he will get his haircut tonight after all (and by after all, I mean after I showed him a photo of Justin Bieber and told him hair like that took more work than someone who can't remember to brush his teeth twice a day could put into it)
  
• Modern Family
• the 'I Will Remember You' episode of Angel. When the clock ticks and memories are dissolved and Buffy clings to Angel and cries? I BAWL LIKE A BABY. I purposely watch it JUST TO CRY!
• my dear friend TwoBusy now likely saying "When is it you DON'T ever cry?"
• the fact that I don't watch as much TV as this list would have you believe
• Polite Fictions
  
• also Culture Brats, the lovechild of my other dear friend, Chag, and his pop culture team of crime fighters.
• walking out of Walgreens with $40 worth of merchandise that I only paid $4.50 for (and not because I shoplifted it, m'kay?)(those days are long over!)(psst - coupons!)
• the fact that my inappropriate crushes on young male celebrities doesn't kick in until said young male celebrity is close to 19 (except in the case of Nick Jonas, but he seems older than 17)

Holy hell, that is a monstrous Tits List! I should stop now, even though I know you all love a good TL, so I hope you'll share some of what you think is awesome right now with me. Do it. You know you want to...

(oh, speaking of things that are the tits, and, well, have to do with, I guess, ACTUAL...yeah...OK, you remember I went to the doctor? Well, I'm happy to now report that my issue is a non-issue. Hooray! I guess that should have topped my Tits List, huh?)

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One more thing. Did you catch that Polite Fictions was on my list? Well, it's there for a reason and that reason is all the awesome that the great pool of talented writers fills the place up with, and NOT just because I'm going to take this opportunity to pimp my latest contribution there, but I just did that, so I guess...well...I guess I just want you to go read it, and hey, leave a comment, would you? Not just at mine, but all the (far, far better) offerings that have gone up. You might remember (or just now discover, lucky you!) that we're writing about the Alphabet of Regret this time. I just busted out a little something around the letter P. You may be asking yourself are there parenthesis involved, and I would be telling you that I could tell you, but instead, I'd like you go go find out yourself (because there's other P type things there, too...) and tell me if you think it's The Tits.