...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Friday, September 21, 2007

put the right letters together & make a better day

In the midst of winding down another school night this week, I decided that, rather than allow my kindergartner to complete his zombie transformation by watching yet another episode of SpongeBob Squarepants, we should do something to reinforce the lessons he's been collecting during his first month of school.

I did this, mind you, despite the fact that this was a rare episode of SpongeBob Squarepants I hadn't seen and I was rather curious to know how the brewing confusion and tingly feelings of lust and anger would play out in the simmering love triangle between SpongeBob, Patrick and Gary after Patrick had just heartlessly told SpongeBob to "f off" because he'd chosen Gary.

Retiring to my son's room to help him get ready for bed, we chose to play the "Alphabet Game." If you're wanting to play along at home, the rules are simple. One person secretly chooses a letter and then turns to their opponent and makes them guess the letter based on the sound it makes. To earn additional points, the opponent must then name at least one word that begins with the letter. Points increase if more than one word can be named. Or shouted. When playing with a five year old, it's most often the case the words will be shouted, along with other mysterious chirps and squeals.

Knowing the kid is a kindergarten Mensa, I gave him no leeway with my first shot. "What letter makes the 'mmm' sound?"

"M," he replies, and then decides to up the ante on the game by "air writing" the upper and lowercase versions of the letter for me. "Impressive, mister," I said. "Way to bring your 'A' game. But before you get cocky, tell me a word that starts with the letter 'm'"

"Mommy," he replied.

"Who is the best student EVER?" I asked, all charmed and clutching at my heart, yet onto his clear attempt at trying to end this educational foray and weasel his way back to SpongeBob (admittedly, so was I, for I left feeling bad for SpongeBob. Freakin' game playing Patrick).

We proceeded to run through letters and words. "Daddy." "Grandpa." "Car." Winding our way down, I moved onto the letter 'P'. After we affirmed the sounds and how to write it, I asked for a word.

"Potty," my precious said, a smirk breaking open under his nose.

"Sure, but can you think of another?" I asked, not looking to encourage the, um, potty humor that typically gets me giggling like a child.

"Pee. And poop," he said, not missing a beat, and before I could ask for another example, I got "penis." Because yes, we're not just up on the alphabet, folks. We've got a pretty strong lock on the anatomy and biology lessons, too.

Thinking it would be a good idea to perhaps backtrack, I suggested what turned out to be not such a great idea when gave him the letter 'F' as his next challenge. By now, he'd opted to skip telling me what the letter sounded like or looked like when written and went right into, as they say, a F word.

"Fart," he sang (sang!!). "Fart, fart, fart, fart, fart."

Then he figured why not demonstrate. So he did. Literally blew me away. Then used the word in a proper sentence to inform me he'd just farted, and rolled off his bed in a fit of laughter.

"Lesson learned, little man," I told him, looking skyward and thanking God I'd changed my major from education during my freshman year of college. Clearly, I have no control over a classroom. You'd think I'd know this after the great homophone incident of October 2006, but apparently I'm a bit of a masochist when it comes to the schooling.

Luckily, we got through our lesson with time to find out how SpongeBob, Patrick and Gary resolved their bizarre love triangle (waves to my gurl!), and happily discovered that all was well underwater. The gang had learned their lesson. As for me, I apparently need new lesson plans. And maybe the ability to not be quite so proud that this child of mine went for the easy fart joke at first opportunity.

Alas, magna cum laude, little dude. You are your mother's son.

(note to SpongeBob: next time some lame ass starfish asks to see you without your pants on, quickly scuttle away. and quit yer wimperin' when he says he wants Gary.)



Blogger Nanette said...

Snort! And a big wave!

Where is Squidward and his dick nose in all of this? You know, because it is all about the nose when venturing into Bikini Bottom.

What a precious boy! :D


I really wish you would turn off the word verification. Very time consuming. As I add three more sentences to my comment, sigh.

Friday, September 21, 2007 2:41:00 AM  
Blogger Phyllis RenĂ©e said...

How fun! Those are the best times.

Friday, September 21, 2007 5:51:00 AM  
Blogger Sailor said...

What great times, and face it- fart jokes at five, well, that's funny.

What I wonder, is how come so many don't outgrow them??

Friday, September 21, 2007 7:36:00 AM  
Blogger FTN said...

I'm with Nanette. I feel a little bit dirty every time I turn on SpongeBob and see Squidward's nose.

I think SpongeBob does have a bit of the "Top Gun" homoerotic undertones going on. SpongeBob is Maverick, of course, and Patrick is Goose. I think Squidward is Iceman. I'm still not sure about Gary.

Friday, September 21, 2007 9:40:00 AM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

Well, you know, the whole 'f-word' thing could've gone in a whole 'nother, and, uh, more awkward, direction. . . Not that I'd know anything about that. . .

I'm not that much of a connoisseuer of Spongebob, et al, but when I look at Squidward's nose, it reminds me of Don Martin's cartoons from 'Mad' magazine. Just sayin', that it doesn't have to go all double-E. . .

And, you can tell yer boy, for me, that he forgot 'pee' in his list of p-words. . .

Friday, September 21, 2007 11:08:00 AM  
Blogger sue said...

I love kids! What a great one you have~~~

Friday, September 21, 2007 11:45:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

what a cutie farter butt.

Friday, September 21, 2007 12:06:00 PM  
Blogger Chris said...

You are teaching your children well. Very well.

Friday, September 21, 2007 2:13:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hit that bizarre link cause I thought we were going to get to see the whole Sponge Bob episode. I never saw that one :(

Friday, September 21, 2007 3:31:00 PM  
Blogger Recovering Soul said...

What is this "SpongeBob" of which you all speak? A disease?

Friday, September 21, 2007 9:55:00 PM  
Blogger Nature Girl said...

Ha! I used to love those bedtime games and lessons when my kids were little. Isn't it funny how quickly they can take them downhill though...it always cracks me up how thier little minds work..very quick. Your little man sounds like a chip off the old block.

Sunday, September 23, 2007 10:11:00 AM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Nan - The world is full of dick noses just looking to troll the very depths of Bikini Bottom. Thus, Squidward was probably getting it on with that character whose always trying to teach SpongeBob how to drive. At least until the next fish swam along!


Phyllis - The kid, honestly, is a champion at this routine. I should know better by now!

Sailor - Truth be known, I'm kinda glad some of them don't grow out of them. Yeah, sadly, I can appreciate a decent fart joke.

FTN - Very interesting. I have to admit I've never looked at Squidward and thought "penis." Until now. Now I can't stop thinking about it. This is wreaking havoc into my days, I have to admit. You can imagine why.

Seriously. You can just imagine it.

I don't think Gary has it in him to be Viper. Is Sandy then the hard driving yet lusty civilian instructor Charlie?

Desmond - True! I the Alphabet Game will have to come to an abrupt halt if that F word gets tossed out one day!

And I have to admit, I get a little shakey thinking about the day when I can't make everything I touch or think about revolve around the double-e!

Sue - Thank you! For now, I plan on keeping him around. Around 4 p.m. today, I would have let someone else have him...ha!

you da mom - Cutie Farter Butt and I thank you!

Chag - Thank you (and for the link love, btw!). I think I'm on par with keeping him educationally in line with his peers!

Terry - Trust me. Hang out at Nick long enough, and you'll see them. It's insanity. I can now tell within seconds if we've seen an episode already. This isn't a talent I'm particulary fond of having!

RS - It is crack for children. I'd have been happy sticking with that pusher "Arthur" but the kids said he was whack.

Stacie - Ha! Thanks for helping me see that he is, indeed, a chip off the old block. This makes me oddly proud. Hmmmm...

Monday, September 24, 2007 12:03:00 AM  

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