...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

the post where i'm all 'this is so not really a post...'

When I was a kid, I used to sit under one of the oak trees that grew in our front yard, and I'd write. Every day. For hours. Because I felt the world (aka "no one") ached to read my prose and the occasional retooled General Hospital script featuring more of Dr. Noah Drake making out with a mysterious female character by the name of 'My Real Name,' I'd fend off requests from my friends to go on bike rides, and would curl up in the fetal position to avoid being stepped on when the tree and I'd become second base during impromptu kickball games. I spent so much of my formative teenage years BEING second base that the characters in my Judy Blume-lite stories GOT to second base long before I did.

Never mind I didn't even KNOW what second base was for a long time. A very long time.

I know. Be quiet.

I said I KNOW!

Anyway, I loved those trees because, even though I was perhaps mocking them by bringing a folder of loose-leaf paper out to them every day, they were always there for me, and let me just be. There wasn't a lot of just getting to be in my house when I was growing up. I had no idea what I wanted to be when I grew up, but I wanted to be out of that house, and believed that maybe my lame ass stories and soap opera love scenes might one day be a way. At the very least, it would get me through some particularly long days.

As stories go, I grew up. The trees grew up. I shunned paper for a computer, and nature, being the real bitch it can be sometimes, refused to provide me an electrical outlet close by in which to plug in my laptop, thus effectively taking me away from the shade of my front yard oak trees. Sure, maybe we didn't call each other every day, but the trees and me? We were connected. I was sure I'd one day have the chance to prove to them that the years I'd spent with the knot at the base of the one's trunk poking into my back had paid off.

How do you prove these kinds of things to trees? I don't know. I always assumed I'd have time to figure that out. Well, damn if that Shel Silverstein wasn't the wise one when he wrote A Giving Tree, eh? Cut to this week. My Mom called to tell me she'd had the trees, well over 40 years old and marred by disease, removed. The yard where I wrote many an untitled epic of lame teenage fiction is now a bare patch of lumpy grass and dirt. I know to most people that's no big deal, but to me, it's kind of hard to believe.

I know, I know. I'm writing about trees, then no trees, and you're wondering when I'm going to get to the good stuff (assuming you come here thinking 'Yeah! Good stuff!', - or 'Whoo! Thanks for the lack of vibrator talk today!' - and if you do, then please let me say thank you a whole bunch of times. Then let me add that the vibrators? They are lovely!), but I really think that the demise of my trees has resulted in wave of writer's block that has come over me this week. Seriously. I am bereft of blog fodder.

It's either that, or it's my sons' raging refusal to do anything adorable this week for me to write about, and/or the lack of customers at the bookstore facing my wrath (the girl who kept saying "offer" rather than "author" notwithstanding). It's probably the latter, but the former sounds more poetic and inspiring, thus, I shall stick with it.

So I beg you, good people of the Internets, come to my aid in the comments. Leave me a query, an idea, a complete stalker fan letter where you offer to make out with me ala Dr. Noah Drake. Whatever you wish. Be my trees, please, and we'll see if I can take something you've given me and run with it in a future post. If you don't, you'll have to hear me go on and on about the vibrators, and at some point, I have got to think you're going to draw the line on that topic.

P.S. I realize this sounds hauntingly like FTN's request to fluff him this week, but it's not. I mean, not really. But so what if it is, OK? He's him, and I'm me (Or are we? Hmmmm...), and there's not an original idea anywhere in the blog world anyway, so if he has a problem with it, he can take it up with me personally. Also, the answers to your first five questions are: I love you, too; Yes, they are; No, that part comes from a box; Why do you care?; and I've done that before, and no, I won't be doing it again.



Blogger Lipstick Jungle said...

I am so sorry for your loss. Tree's and all. Maybe life is a cruel bitch and the paper used to pack and ship your new vibrators came from your loving old friends.

Bitch, reincarnation... tomato, tomahto.

Seriously, I know how sad it is to see something you have grown to love and depend on gone. Tree's are hard to replace! (SERIOUSLY!)

Wednesday, July 23, 2008 11:38:00 PM  
Blogger Backpacking Dad said...

So the answer to "did you notice that you mispelled "where" in the title of this post?" is "yes they are"?

Thursday, July 24, 2008 12:06:00 AM  
Blogger Nanette said...

I might be shedding a tear or three over the loss of your trees. Seriously, I am so sentimental...remind me again why I can't throw anything away...oh ya, because it might be someone's tree. Sigh. I swear the more time I spend offline, the more I find to do. I.MUST.GET.BACK.ONLINE.BEFORE.I.GO.CRAZY.
Don't mind my rambling sweetie, ha!
I'll admit it, I don't always read the links, sometimes I'm in too much of a hurry.

What's the name of that offer that wrote that stupid Twilight book?

Thursday, July 24, 2008 4:29:00 AM  
Blogger Crazy Computer Dad said...

I lived in Charleston, SC for four years growing up. North of it really, on the Cooper river, with lots of swamps, trees, snakes, and alligators. You could walk into the forest and be isolated, hidden. I used to spend part of every day, if not several hours a day, walking through there. I moved back a year after Hugo went through and most of the trees had either been laid flat or snapped in half. It certainly wasn't the same place.

As far as ideas...drawing a blank. Maybe you can create a scavenger hunt for your boys...or the patrons at the store?

Thursday, July 24, 2008 6:15:00 AM  
Blogger Bijoux said...

Speaking of Noah Drake and U2, how about we discuss hot guys over 40?

Thursday, July 24, 2008 6:37:00 AM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

Excuse me. . . was someone looking for a hot guy over 40? . . .


Funny, I have a serious 'Tree Jones', too. . . (of course, 'Jones' is my pseudonym; conincidence? perhaps not. . .) Having grown up Up North, I used to love taking long walks in the woods. Peaceful, and clean, and beautiful and green, and all that. . . In our yard, we had a row of pine trees which, while we were living there, were just a bit taller than I was. I went back a couple years ago, and now they're close to 40 feet tall. . . Life doesn't stand still, does it?

Thursday, July 24, 2008 8:41:00 AM  
Blogger Kevin McKeever said...


Speaking of which, dress up like you favorite "My Name is Earl" character and tell us about the greatest wrong you need to right in your life is (you can skip not making out with me at the senior prom -- you were with that other guy and that would have been uncool, even for me).

Thursday, July 24, 2008 9:02:00 AM  
Blogger Phyllis Renée said...

That's what I love about you, even when you have nothing to say there's always so much of it. Are you just as wordy in person? I mean, not that it's a bad thing. I was just sitting here imagining what it would be like to talk to you in person. I wondered if I would hang on your every wordy word or would I suddenly scream, "Stop talking! I can't take it anymore!!"

My youngest brother heard that a lot when we were kids. He'd start talking and just rattle on and on until, finally, one of us would start screaming. He probably thought his real name was Shut up, Paul. Have you ever felt that way?

Thursday, July 24, 2008 9:37:00 AM  
Blogger FTN said...

Five paragraphs into your post, I was ready and prepared to make a wonderfully witty comment about Shel Silverstein. And you had to go and mention him in the post, therefore thwarting my plan.

I had grand fluffing schemes on my blog, and it all went out the window. Instead, you got me talking about sex tapes again.


Thursday, July 24, 2008 10:08:00 AM  
Blogger FTN said...

Wait... What's second base, again? I think I need a review.

Thursday, July 24, 2008 10:09:00 AM  
Blogger Alice said...

Honey - that was an excellent post in my mind. I'm sad for your trees, but you didn't need them.

And I would love for you to print your 'retooled General Hospital' scripts! Or you could recreate a sample for us.

Thursday, July 24, 2008 10:40:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Second base is the one farthest from the catcher, right in the middle. behind the pitcher, in cae you get lost.

Glad I could help.

Thursday, July 24, 2008 11:16:00 AM  
Blogger Choppzs said...

You were the first person on my mind yesterday when I got my "presents" in the mail and I had started my period in the morning! lol No shit. Sucks!

Thursday, July 24, 2008 11:26:00 AM  
Blogger David said...

Second base is around 120 feet from home plate is it not?
we always used crushed pop tins for bases.

Thursday, July 24, 2008 12:35:00 PM  
Blogger April said...

trees, trees, what would they bee without bees...

i'm an odd one...i always read the tags at the end.

actually, i'm the one who has to read everything. i read the signs (mostly out loud to my hub's despair) along the highways, i read cereal boxes at the table, i read the tags on the backs of shirts...

i read
i read
i read

i can't seem to help myself.

Thursday, July 24, 2008 12:39:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

(Ha. For some reason I read the label of this post as "Does anyone ever read the links people place in their BOOBS?" All the time!)

You know I'm a huge advocate of blog fluffing. How about this? Dr. Noah Drake and Sting have been in a love relationship. They are breaking up. Go! (Of course you can be the heroine to swoop in and save both their broken hearts! You vixen, you!)

Thursday, July 24, 2008 4:46:00 PM  
Blogger That girl from Shallotte said...

Pre-teen Diff Girl and That Girl arrive in Port Charles as supermodel rock-star undercover agents. After they expose slutty Bobbie as a space alien Russian robot working for the Cassadines, Dr. Drake and Diff Girl fall in love and run away to Bora Bora, where they live happily ever after. That Girl stays in PC for a couple of years until Duke Lavery comes to town. After she rescues him from the evil Anna Devane, That Girl and Duke retire to Bora Bora to join her old partner in crime-fighting.

Tell me what happens next... :)

Did you schedule your college classes around GH too?

Brilliant post. I'm so saving my money for a limo so you'll go to the prom with me.

Thursday, July 24, 2008 6:20:00 PM  
Blogger Michael said...

Oak trees, vibrators and U2... three things I never expected to see together in a single blog post! I don't think you're having any creativity problems!

Thursday, July 24, 2008 7:33:00 PM  
Blogger Wonderful World of Weiners said...

Both our hubbies are scared of the Snuggle Bear. Never thought I'd find someone else who can understand my pain!!

Hallie :)

Thursday, July 24, 2008 8:27:00 PM  
Blogger 1blueshi1 said...

When we lived in Corpus Christi, TX, the library I went to there featured a type of moat around it with lowgrowing trees that made perfect shelves to stretch out and read on.

Also, WHY has my son just used the restroom FOUR, repeat, FOUR times between 9:04 and 9:24PM when he's supposed to be washing dishes? hee, I typed in watching! He would much rather be watching those damn dishes. Do you think he's found his dad's Playboy stash in the bathroom??? Or perhaps repeated exposure to steamy sinks full of dishwashing liquid has brought on a bout of diarrhea?

Thursday, July 24, 2008 9:26:00 PM  
Blogger Brian o vretanos said...

I'm happy to help. I'll be a tree. Standing around not doing much is something I can manage. As long as your mum doesn't cut me down when I'm 40 and diseased...

Friday, July 25, 2008 1:41:00 AM  
Blogger Chasity said...

I'm sorry about your trees, it sounds like it was a very special place to you.

Friday, July 25, 2008 8:13:00 AM  
Blogger Bee said...

Damn it! #23! Stupid non working internet!

Anyway, we had two big trees in the first house we bought in Chi-town. I loved those things but my brother decided to chop them down.

When the tree removal service came I was hanging out looking forlorn and I asked them what kind of trees they were. This guy says to me, “Don’t be too sad. These are weed trees that were left to grow. They’re useless!”

This person has found his calling in life because he is a true Tree Hater!

I kicked him and ran.
Just kidding.

Friday, July 25, 2008 9:34:00 AM  
Blogger Nature Girl said...

yes, I most times, read the links people place in their blogs. Almost always. In fact, when I don't have time to do it in that sitting, I often come back to do it later.

As for the trees...I do know where youre coming from there. the same thing happend to me a few years back..parents removed my fave trees from their yard. Can you ask your mom for a piece of the bark? Or some other piece of the tree? A stick to prop in the corner? Or make a walking stick out of? Or something like that? I didn't have the chance to get a piece of wood when mine were cut down. :(

rereading that last sentence I am very disturbed.


Friday, July 25, 2008 10:15:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hate losing a tree that I love. It feels like an amputation complete with phantom pain every time I look at the empty place where it once stood. I feel for you on that one.
As for inspiring you, I'm bombing out here. I seem to have hit that midsummer ennui. And/or a small flu. So if you want to keep on with the vibrators, I'm here to cheer you on.

Friday, July 25, 2008 12:33:00 PM  
Blogger April said...

I love you. I really do. You made a whole post about nothing something. If you ever decide to move to the hot state, we can take over the world together. Think about it. Plus I know a vibrator dealer. Oh yes.

Friday, July 25, 2008 12:45:00 PM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

As far as 'inspiration' goes. . .

Oh, you already know what I've got to offer you, my dear. . . The only question is, just exactly how creepy are you willing to let everyone see you being?

'Cuz, the P.H. Yeah, that's what I'm talkin' 'bout. . .

Friday, July 25, 2008 1:11:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Des - DUDE!!!

(mine ain't creepy, but DUDE!!!!)

Friday, July 25, 2008 1:16:00 PM  
Blogger Recovering Soul said...

Whoo! Thanks for the lack of vibrator talk today!

Seriously, I never understood the bases, can you explain them in detail?

And you've narrowed down your name to two choices, I think... interesting...

Desmond Jones rocks my world

Friday, July 25, 2008 1:47:00 PM  
Blogger Mandy Lou said...

Aw, I'd be sad too. But remeber your go to topics, your rack, the tool man or DDR!

Friday, July 25, 2008 2:17:00 PM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

I wasn't talkin' about you flashing us YOURS, my dear (do let me know in advance, tho, if that's your plan, won't you?). . . More like just offering it as a topic. . .

(Nicely done, Desmond; open mouth, insert foot. . .)

Friday, July 25, 2008 3:18:00 PM  
Blogger kimmyk said...

Aww that's too bad about the trees. That makes me sad. I am turning into such a tree hugger I tell ya.

My momma has a big ole' willow tree in the backyard-I'll share it with ya.


Friday, July 25, 2008 8:11:00 PM  
Blogger Chris said...

I think I was 25 before I started "writing." Before that, I only wrote lame ass songs and required papers.

Write about what would've happened had you gone to BlogHer. Or Disney Land. Or Mars. Or something.

Friday, July 25, 2008 8:29:00 PM  
Blogger Mandy said...

Oh god, I remember General Hospital. I used to watch it because it was the only thing that came on late enough in the afternoon that I could catch the last 15 minutes of it and still say I "watched a soap". Why I thought it was important to watch a soap is beyond me.

I'm stuck for posts right now, so I can't really help you unless you want to admit your worst tv watching secret... the show you guiltily watch and won't admit to others that you do... hmmm.. .that sounds lame even as I write it.

Saturday, July 26, 2008 10:19:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Isn't this the perfect opportunity for the whole "circle of life", everything changes, growth is good for the soul kind of post? Maybe some lamenting on how if only you'd started blogging sooner you could have saved those trees by the sheer volume of paper that you would not have used? Maybe go out and plant a couple trees in your own yard of the same type and then watch them grow as you blog wirelessly beneath them? Maybe a post on how some bloggers should just keep their lame ideas to themselves...
Why didn't you say so before?


Sunday, July 27, 2008 2:36:00 AM  
Blogger Zip n Tizzy said...

One of my favorite things about my block, when I moved to this street, were the trees. Every year that I've lived here someone's cut one down. Usually it's due to disease, but sometimes it's just that they didn't like them, or they got in the way of the landscaping.
It always kind of gets me in the gut.

I used to make excuses about having homework, and then sew. My friends probably wondered why I was such a bad student with all that homework I was claiming to do.

As for writers block, I've had it too. Maybe it's in the stars... There you go... run with that.

Sunday, July 27, 2008 2:58:00 AM  
Blogger San Diego Momma said...

The parallels between are lives are many (and some may argue, sad).

For one, I was a tree writer. For another, Dr. Noah Drake is my one true love. I was so pissed when Bobbie Spencer went blind and he so tenderly took care of her. IT should have been ME. Except for the temporary blindness.

Also, junior year in high school, my friend Lauretta begged some guy at a party to feel me up because I'd never been to second base before.

To sum up: maybe write about bear rugs.

Sunday, July 27, 2008 11:32:00 AM  
Blogger Lipstick Jungle said...

Where are you friend?

Sunday, July 27, 2008 12:38:00 PM  
Blogger The Savage said...

I kind get that. It's like me... Blog, no blog and then come back and have no one recognize me....
What gets me about the whole post is there was no major musical connection here.... I was so expecting a, "Pave paradise and put up a parking lot." or at the very least... Take you hat off, boy, when you're talking to me and be there when I feed the trees."
Oh yeah... Even though I'm not around much... I so super lust you....

Sunday, July 27, 2008 2:37:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Lori - Those sweet treasures DID come in a pretty big box! They just better dang well last awhile so I don't have to be the cause of any more tree sacrifices!

BP Dad - I totally 'heart' you, do you know that? ;)

Nan - I am totally envious of your ability to be so hardcore offline! Respect, sweetie! But I miss you! The world needs some snorts, sweets! Oh, and that 'offer' is Stephenie Meyer, and that book is blech!

CC Dad - Oh! The scavenger hunt idea is a good idea! I actually have a little gift I've bought to give both of them before the start of school for the great summer we've had, so I am definitely going to do this as a way to give them their item! Thanks!

Cocotte - Mmmm...hot guys over 40. I could go on and on about my hot, hot love of Bono. I would leave Tool Man, who just turned 40 and is kinda hot, in a split second. Also, I'm just a couple weeks out from seeing Rick, so I have to get my game face ready!

Des - Life absolutely doesn't stand still. We've only been in our house just over 8 years, but the row of trees that were planted in our backyard are already massive. I may need to get an extension chord and plan some writing time out there.

Always Home - Let's just say that the making out with you at the prom was one of the best parts of that night. Better than the slow dancing to Sweet Child O' Mine. As for something bad I've done and with to confess? Hmmm...

Phyllis - I laughed quite hard at your comment, because I'd edited out a long, rambly, very wordy bit in this post about my kids and how they talk nonstop and was all "The talking, talking, talking. Oh, dear Lord, the talking..."! I am sort of this wordy in real life. Most of the time, though, it's all going on in my head, and a figment of my imagination will step in and say "The talking? Might you stop it now?"

ftn - You know how you were going to mention The Giving Tree? Well, I KNEW you'd want to mention The Giving Tree. That's why I did it. You and me, we're meant to be, Fluffy.

ftn - I think second base is a nice dinner out and then you shake hands at the door. I could be so totally off base, though.

Alice - Awww! You're so very sweet! I wish I still had those folders of angst I wrote. The fact I've saved everything I've ever written for the last 15 years just makes their demise more upsetting.

XI - See, this is why I need the Internet! I am always gawking at cute baseball players when I'm watching a game!

Choppzs - I don't know if I should be flattered or apologize for that fact! I hope the wait is definitely worth it!

David - Are you involving a bit of math in your question?! Ah! I hope not. Math makes me cry. I am not kidding! Must now think of cute ball players...

April - I read everything, too! It's a blessing and a curse, and explains why I still have magazines from last year that I'm working my way through, stacks of books that are threatening to intimidate me, and overthink my own writing. I'm glad you came here and read this!

Sunday, July 27, 2008 10:06:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Weirdgirl - Ha! You're a girl after my own heart, which is tucked in well under my boobs! What a great fluff idea! I am tucking these into an idea folder. The question here will be do I go tantric or working class first!

That Girl - I promise you now, I will so go to second base with you in the back of that limo. I may go there with you BEFORE prom, before we've plyed ourselves with the intoxicating elixar that is Everclear and jungle juice, so be prepared! I got sucked into Days of Our Lives in college, alas, but oh, I can so run with this!

Michael - I read the start of your comment and sang "...these are a few of my favorite things!"

WWoW - I'm here for you if you ever need support!

1blueshi1 - That sounds like a library I would love! Also, my sons pull the multiple bathroom routine, too, but mostly when they're protesting whatever their dinner is. However, it's coming more into play when they've been asked to do something they don't wish to.

Brian - Sounds perfect. Just don't droop your branches at me when I read some lame, angsty prose outloud, k?

Chas - Thank you :)

Bee - We have a weed tree in our backyard, near the very end. Tool Man wants to remove it with his super powerful Tool Man tools. I kicked him and told him no. Maybe.

Stacie - There's nothing like a great piece of wood ;). Alas, my Mom had already had everything removed and hauled away before she told me. She probably feared I'd come over there and chain myself to the trunks!

Pam - Phantom pain! Yes! I'm always going to think of those things when I go pulling up to her house. The vibrators are lovely at first blush. As I take them out and run them around the track some more, I'll drop an update!

April - You know a vibrator dealer?! LUCKY!!! That's almost enough to make me fill my house with boxes (made from lots and lots of trees!) and fill them up for a move!

Des - :)

Hottie McTreelover - Hey. Des knows you're totally smirking, right?

RS - But vibrator talk rocks! So does Desmond Jones. So, what are your two narrowed down choices? Is Stephanie still one of them?

Mandy Lou - Ah, those go to topics never fail me. Now, if I could just get my rack or my Tool Man to do something inspiring and/or hilarious. Not necessarily even together...

Des - Still :) ya, sir!

kimmy - Your comment didn't show up in my email, which made me sad, because I was all, "Where's my kimmy!? She's always here for me!" Happily, here you are! I will so take some of that willow tree with you!

Chag - I miss the days when I got paid to write. A little bit. I mean, I didn't get paid much for all the output I spewed upon the world.

Mandy - The good thing during your writer's block, though, is a couple of truly adorable boys you've had over there! Now, come closer and let me confess my guilty TV watching habit. Ready? "The Two Coreys" on A&E. It is horrendously awful, yet, my DVR is set for it every week. I know. Lame.

FMD - Great ideas. I'm glad you stopped by and left them. I should do a post on how I dig when people who've never been here before leave great comments, or lurkers come out of the woodwork and make their presence known, and how I'd dig them to come back. I could ramble on and on about that. You get the point, right?

Zip n Tizzy - Glad you came back. I should have been a much better student, too, for all the studying I was supposedly doing, but it wasn't for sewing. I've only sewed one thing - a pair of pajamas - but I got a purple ribbon at the 4H fair for them, so yeah, me!

San Diego Momma - Never sad. Oh, sure, some may say so, but we will defeat them with our combined powers of Not Lame-ness! In junior high, I think I prayed for someone to feel me up. Alas, I had to resign myself to a kiss with some boy I didn't even have a crush on while locked in a closet at a party. Sure, that's lame, but not in our spirit of Not Lame-ness!

Lori - Been dodging storms, headaches, storms, and more storms all weekend. But I'm back! Sorta! For now!

Savage - And speaking of back...WOO HOO! Allow me to do what I always do when you reappear around these parts. Ahem....SAVAGE!!!!!! Where were you when I was exhausted and putting the finishing touches on this post and didn't know what to do with it, or what to call it, and could have very much used those musical references?! Get thee here more often, Savage.

Sunday, July 27, 2008 10:34:00 PM  
Blogger Manager Mom said...

FADKOG, I got nothing to suggest. Because I just love whatever your brain cells feel like belching out at the moment. Just take me for the ride.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008 5:56:00 AM  
Blogger A.C. said...

I had a tree as a kid. I hung a swing from it and when the wind was blowing, the tree branch would rock the swing. I pretended it was the tree talking to me.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008 8:33:00 AM  
Blogger Recovering Soul said...

I don't want to say my two choices out loud in your comments...

Tuesday, July 29, 2008 10:05:00 AM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Manager Mom - I heart you, Manager Mom. Stay golden...

a.c. - Oh...just...yeah...I totally listened to the trees, too. And that they listened back? What I needed.

RS - You know my email address, bubs!

Wednesday, July 30, 2008 12:23:00 PM  
Blogger xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx said...

I'm going to vote that you write about your feelings on teaching toddlers about gender differences :-)

That's bound to be a doozy.

Sunday, August 03, 2008 3:11:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

imommy - I'm gonna jot that idea down and see if there's anything I can do with it!

Sunday, August 03, 2008 10:44:00 PM  

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