...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

could you describe the ruckus, sir?*

Why my sons are not destined to ever have careers in law enforcement, spy rings, or as leaders of any sort of heist activity (which sucks because I enjoy saying the word heist):

If, for whatever reason, one leaves the room they were just jointly in, within seconds, the other will come out of the trance of play and inevitably ask me, "Hey! Where's INSERT ONE OF THE BOYS' NAME HERE!?"

Contrary to what you might believe, our house is not a mansion, and inevitably, the other boy (aka - The Missing) is often no further than the next room, typically within plain sight. More often than not, they are also causing some sort of commotion in the form of gas emission or tripping, thus leaving behind a trail of clues so vast their disappearance can hardly be described as a cold case. Yet I hear "Hey! Where's THAT OTHER KID WHO LIVES HERE?!" 5 trillion times a day AND I AM NOT EXAGGERATING!!

Occasionally, my oldest, in an attempt to either move up the law enforcement ranks or prepare for a future on the game show circuit, will respond to his own query with, "Let me guess. He's in the bathroom!"

Did the sound of bathroom activities going on less than 20 feet from where you're sitting tip you off, Colonel Mustard? Or was it when Professor Plum panicked and yelled out, "It was me in the bathroom with the two-ply! And by the way, I'm done and I wiped a little!"

(OMG...as I'm writing this, my sons literally just passed by each other like phantoms, my youngest coming down the stairs and my oldest having just walked by the stairs to the front door, easily spottable to the other, and yet my youngest just bounded into the family room where I'm sitting and said, "I'm guessing That Big One You Loved First is in the basement?" And so another day of CSI: The Suburbs begins. But OMG!)(to the kid's credit, the basement door IS ajar, so I suppose I can understand why he's pencil that down in his flowchart of clues).

Why my sons are actually quite well suited for a career in law enforcement, spy rings, but still not as leaders of any sort of heist activity because I just realized that pulling off a heist is akin to committing a crime and that's not what I wanted for them when I held them in my arms as tiny babies and dreamed big things for them one day:

I just realized that, despite my random snarky responses and "Are you serious? Are you kidding me with this?" queries when they ask where the other has vanished to, I INSTANTLY cave and point out where the culprit has skulked off to even when sometimes pointing that out means doing nothing more than responding, "He's sitting right beside you!"

Do you see it? They are fantastic investigators! They get potential witnesses such as myself to cave instantly! I don't even make them work for it! Why,I'd have been kicked out of the Scooby Gang instantly because I'd have thwarted the whole fantastic musical number/chase scene with those intrepid teenage investigators and pesky villains like the Creeper and 10,000 Volt Ghost. I should have realized this already, of course, based on the number of times they've come barreling from miles away into the house screaming "We want ice cream, too!" when they've heard me quietly crack the freezer open for the carton of tin roof sundae I thought I'd hidden from them. I'd have enjoyed a delicious bowl of fudge revel and crunchy peanuts if it weren't for those damn pesky kids!

Huh. I guess the point of this post is a far cry more pointless than it originally was going to be, so good job, me! At any rate, I get to use a fantastic quote from The Breakfast Club (which, if you Google to see if you have it correctly, as I did even though I don't know why because I quote from that movie on the daily, so forgive me, Judd Nelson, for dishonoring you so, you'll be humored to know that Backpacking Dad comes up as the second entry in the search but now your goal is to unseat him there. Or perhaps that's just me. What would I be doing if I weren't out making myself a better citizen?

* My thanks to Backpacking Dad for pointing out my original use of The Breakfast Club quote was slightly wrong. Alas, this allowed him to retain his number two Google position and I came in as a neo maxi zoom dweebie in the fifth spot. The world is an imperfect place...

(of course, this is only if you Google 'can you describe the ruckus, sir?' thus, I'm declaring this a draw because I cannot compete with a man with a Leonardo DiCaprio goatee)(even though I have a crazy awesome rack)



Blogger Bunny said...

My daughter does this too! "Mommy, where's Day-bed?" right after we've just passed David's room where he was laying on the bed and even waved to us.

It's good to know we can still provide them with some useful information sometimes.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009 10:02:00 AM  
Blogger Backpacking Dad said...

Dude, did you just misquote The Breakfast Club? Or did I?

Wednesday, June 24, 2009 10:02:00 AM  
Blogger Trueself said...

This reminds me greatly of N. Even though he is an only child so he's not looking for a missing sibling. (Well, actually he is, and I wish he'd stop bugging me with all the wanting of a brother or sister to call his very own.) What N loses are inanimate objects, often lying at his feet on the floor or sitting next to him on the sofa or on the table in front of him.
N: Where's my pencil?
Me (looking up and seeing it on the table not two feet from him): Right there.
N (looking all around): Where?
Me: On the table in front of you.
N (staring at table): Where?
Me (walking over, picking it up and handing it to him): Right here!
N: Oh.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009 10:55:00 AM  
Blogger Brian o vretanos said...

No CSI officer is expected to be brilliant in every area. Some are expert at guns, some at fingerprints and some at taking off their sunglasses...

Wednesday, June 24, 2009 10:56:00 AM  
Blogger Melissa @ I Pick Pretty said...

"Clue" and "Breakfast Club" references??? Can we be BFFs, in that non-stalkery sort of way?

I spent my youth wishing for nothing more than to be a glam sleuth a la Nancy Drew, but with a cooler boyfriend than Ned Nickerson. Alas, neither my decoder ring nor my investigative career showed up.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009 11:05:00 AM  
Blogger FTN said...

I'm not even sure what to say here. This felt like a filler post. I've come to expect much more of you.

Admit it, you are totally phoning in the Mommyblogging.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009 11:07:00 AM  
Blogger Kathy B! said...

I agree with Brian O! All hope is not lost... I say push em' towards fingerprinting :)

And I hope FTN is kidding!!

Wednesday, June 24, 2009 11:09:00 AM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

We have something like the opposite scenario. Things disappear from our house all the time; I mean, well and truly disappear. But we also have 6F the Amazing, who sees all, knows all. So that, when one of the kids comes to Molly, frantically asking, "Mom, have you seen my (insert missing item here)?" She'll just say, "Have you asked 6F?" And the kid in question will walk away muttering to himself, "Of course; I should've known to do that. . ." And then, when they ask 6F if she's seen (insert missing item here), about 90% of the time, she'll say, "Oh, yeah; I saw that under the basement stairs, tucked behind the snow shovels." If I'm exaggerating, it ain't by much. . .

Wednesday, June 24, 2009 11:15:00 AM  
Blogger Kim said...

Add another boy and a husband in there, and you have just described my household!

Wednesday, June 24, 2009 11:44:00 AM  
Anonymous Maureen at IslandRoar said...

Roseanne Barr used to say her family members must think her uterus is "a tracking device," and I think that's how your boys must see you.
So funny.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009 11:51:00 AM  
Blogger Mrs. Booms said...

Isn't it hard walking around in life with a crazy, awesome rack?

The answer is yes!

Until you need to reapply lip gloss.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009 12:10:00 PM  
Blogger thatgirlblogs said...

They only scream for me if I'm in the bathroom. May as well have the door removed.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009 12:54:00 PM  
Blogger Ali said...

you had me at HEIST.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009 1:14:00 PM  
Blogger Chasity said...

"It was me in the bathroom with the two-ply!"

That was precisely the giggle I needed today. Thank you.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009 1:49:00 PM  
Blogger Swirl Girl said...

Well, Miss Scarlet - I'd say it was the rope in the conservatory...

Wednesday, June 24, 2009 2:11:00 PM  
Blogger Mary Ellen said...

Back when I was gainfully employed (chokes back sob) I used to get at least one call per day asking where brother-friend-backpack-soccer ball-sharp knife-cat-fire making equipment-ramen noodles were.

The sickest part? I could totally find it via telephone, while they? Blissfully ignorant, although often in the same room as the item. Sigh.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009 8:59:00 PM  
Blogger DKC said...

Really, any day you get to use a Breakfast Club quote is a good day.

I've been thinking about you lately as I've been trying to be a little more of the "Summer of Yes" kind of Mom. For example, my kids had pudding for breakfast this morning. What? It was sugar-free.

I also have to add that your word verification is coming on to me. My word? STRIP!

Wednesday, June 24, 2009 9:19:00 PM  
Blogger Mandy said...

I'm always in awe of people who can quote movies randomly like that.

I am the kind of person who will read the first half of a murder mystery before realizing I'd read it before.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009 11:58:00 PM  
Blogger Bex said...

while i loved this post, i didn't get the end. what's up? i guess i need to rent the breakfast club.

but i do have most of the scooby doo episodes memorized (don't be so impressed - its easy, they are all the same formula).

Thursday, June 25, 2009 12:16:00 AM  
Blogger Kevin McKeever said...

My kids are lucky if they can find their mouth when eating.

Thursday, June 25, 2009 8:21:00 AM  
Blogger Christina Lee said...

hahaha sounds familiar!!

Thursday, June 25, 2009 8:22:00 AM  
Blogger zelzee said...

I have no idea why my kids needed to constantly know where the other one was!!

But they sure caused a ruckus.......

Thursday, June 25, 2009 9:06:00 AM  
Anonymous Bee said...

Your little guys will then grow up to be like my husband who I call Captain Misses The Obvious.

That's okay because they will grow up to be model heist-less citizens.

Thursday, June 25, 2009 9:49:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love stupid questions with obvious answers...

And, I wouldn't have noticed if you misquoted the Breakfast Club, sorry. Now, if it was Empire Records I'd be ALL over that.

Thursday, June 25, 2009 12:07:00 PM  
Blogger FTN said...

Damn the man. Save the Empire.

Thursday, June 25, 2009 1:13:00 PM  
Blogger Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

hahahaha, CSI: The Suburbs. I LOVE IT!

Thursday, June 25, 2009 6:36:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

For whatever reason, I thought of you when I heard about Michael Jackson... I sort of consider you to be the Queen Of Pop!

Thursday, June 25, 2009 8:44:00 PM  
Blogger That girl from Shallotte said...

I love your boy stories!

Friday, June 26, 2009 9:19:00 AM  
Blogger Bogart said...

Fireworks and explosives.

That is all you need for a happy home.

Friday, June 26, 2009 9:22:00 AM  
Blogger Bijoux said...

I seriously have no idea what this post is about.

I'm with Des; we have more stuff disappear around here and no one wants to take credit for that.

Friday, June 26, 2009 9:51:00 AM  
Blogger lime said...

i wish i could say their cluelessness will improve one day but my evidence in the form of personal experience with a very bright but equally clueless son says otherwise. they are still so darned cute though.

Friday, June 26, 2009 11:23:00 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

You don't want your sons to be bank robbers? That's just weird.

Friday, June 26, 2009 11:26:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry, I have you beat.

My daughter regularly comes up to me and says, "Where's Mommy?"

Friday, June 26, 2009 12:51:00 PM  
Blogger msprimadonna67 said...

This post is hilarious (and oddly familiar...)! Plus, any day with a Breakfast Club reference is a good day. Bonus!

Friday, June 26, 2009 1:45:00 PM  
Blogger JoeinVegas said...

Never having seen either, I however would have to agree with you that your rack is infinitely more awesome than his goatee. (at least to me anyway, and most probably Tool Man)

Friday, June 26, 2009 3:14:00 PM  
Blogger Carolyn...Online said...

Heist is good but I really like caper.

Friday, June 26, 2009 6:33:00 PM  
Blogger Kate Coveny Hood said...

I ALWAYS google my quotes to make sure they are right. Just the idea of getting a preposition wrong throws my OCD sensibilities into turmoil.

By the way - I love how you go from your kids' inability to locate each other in the same room to self congratulatory reflections on your rack. I guess "all roads lead to rack"

Saturday, June 27, 2009 7:24:00 AM  
Blogger The Savage said...

Yer Pretty!

Saturday, June 27, 2009 10:26:00 PM  
Blogger reese said...

hi, i just joined the blogging community and would love to hear from fellow moms as to how they've become successful bloggers. feel free to give me feedback :) id appreciate it. God bless you and your family :)


Sunday, June 28, 2009 3:27:00 AM  
Blogger Mouthy Housewife said...

I have to say that Breakfast Club to me is one of my favorites. Misquote it if you have to, you will always be my BFF

Sunday, June 28, 2009 12:11:00 PM  
Blogger Maggie May said...

oh yes, here too! and we have no mansion either.

Sunday, June 28, 2009 2:28:00 PM  
Blogger Zip n Tizzy said...

We actually rely on Z for finding T!
Tizzy can be right in front of us and be invisible. We are beginning to believe he's a shape shifter, which wouldn't be so bad for pulling off heists, but, like you, I suppose I shouldn't wish for such a thing.
Anyway, if it weren't for his brother being constantly attatched to his hip, we'd have to attach a bell to the boy to have any idea where he was.

Monday, June 29, 2009 12:47:00 AM  
Blogger MereCat said...

I quote the Breakfast Club all the time and I don't even know I'm doing it. I must sound like such an old fart to these young whippersnappers out there. I can't find any new movies that are nearly as quotable, though.

Monday, June 29, 2009 11:04:00 AM  
Blogger Bunny said...

@Desmond: 6F will be a great mother!

Tuesday, June 30, 2009 3:37:00 PM  

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