...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Monday, June 29, 2009

vacation all i ever wanted it, vacation had to stay at home

Usually at this point in the summer, you're forced to read posts about my exciting journeys to the depths of Missouri, and by 'forced' I mean 'entranced,' because, as you can tell by my previous post, I'm filled with wonderful tales of whimsy, delight, and now obvious desperation, that you WANT to read things here. To FORCE you to read about my exotic travels to the Show Me (A Good Time, Dammit) state would mean linking them all here, and to be honest, I'm just too lazy. If you are one who hasn't read any of what I will one day publish as Misery (not to be confused by the book of the same name by one-time horror master Stephen King), just type Missouri into that little 'search this blog' box.

By the way, no offense Missouri. As I've said before, you are home to many of my friends, my alma mater, and the burial place of my virginity. You and I are solid, my friendly neighbor to the south.

Seriously, after all that chit chat up there, I should have just linked all the previous posts...

Anyway, this year, when the topic of driving hours and hours with my Mom and sons to my sister's home near St. Louis came up, I put my foot down and said, "Meh." In case you didn't pause to search out my tales of travel woe (and I know you people, so don't lie to me and say you did), my sister's idea of a great Chamber of Commerce trip to St. Louis means visiting Target multiple times a day. Every day. It used to mean 'that was so much fun I wanna ride it again and again!' adventures to Wal Mart, but since her town got a spankin' new Super Target (moment of reverence for the Great Red Bullseye), our adventures happen sooner, with just a stroll down the street.

In case you're wondering if there's anything special at a St. Louis-area Super Target that can not be found at any Iowa-based Target, super or not, the answer is no. Well, except for that one time I found those Hershey's 100 Calorie Snack Packs with the little Reece's Pieces in them, and my Mom was all, "Do you really think you need that candy?" and I was all, "IT'S TECHNICALLY NOT CANDY!! IT'S A 100 CALORIE SNACK PACK!! GET OFF MY BACK, WOMAN!!!" right there in the snack food aisle. Then I might have cried and ate all six bags that came in the box, thus defeating the point of 100 Calorie Snack Packs in less than five minutes and not, as you might imagine, showing my Mom who is the boss of me now. What. Ever.

Anyway, back to the point I was trying to make when I said "Meh." After I said that, I added, "If going there means doing nothing but going to Target every day, I think I'll just stay home and save that extra penny in sales tax I'd spend there (because you know as well as I it's impossible to leave a Target empty handed) and apply it to our family vacation fund."

So that's what Tool Man and I are presently doing. We figure we have enough saved up now to walk across our yard. Based on the number of rabbits presently feasting in the area, we'll tell the boys it's a safari, and if we're lucky, a feral cat will wander over from the new development area down the street. I guess this is what people mean when they say they are taking a staycation. I'm renaming it a "This Is What It's Like To Be Brokecation." Look kids! There's the neighbor's dog barking at the fence! It's just like going to the zoo, only all the animals are actually awake! Yippee!

Actually, my Tool Man and I are so rarely in the same place at the same time with these kids we made when we were in the same places at the same time that we're having a difficult time coming up with ideas of things to do as a family. Yesterday, he suggested we drive several hours from here and explore some type of caves, and I stared at him blankly, then asked if there would be bugs there, or perhaps Lost Boys, which, that part I'd be OK with, but not the bugs, so basically, he fell under the immediate impression that didn't excite me, and then I saw him scratch "go swimming at your aunt and uncle's pond" from the list, which shouldn't have been there in the first place because when I married him, I told him I don't put this body into anything where other things live. It's like he doesn't even know me, but that's a blog post for another day and this one is getting out of hand already.

This planning something fun for us all to do is like work, which it shouldn't be because work is work and our work doesn't net us enough for anything but a brokecation. Later today, I may break out the photos of the times Tool Man and I enjoyed trips to Disney, both Land AND World, and guilt the children when they ask where the photos with them in the Mickey Mouse ears are and I respond with, "This was before you came along! Back when Mom and Dad were carefree and financially solvent." Or I'll take them mini golfing. Either way, the point I'm trying to make here is I'm taking a little family break this week and I'm going to try to not be around these crazy Internets much. Maybe I'll get inspired and try to dig up some old posts that were hardly read. Or maybe I'll still be mini golfing. And if a few weeks go by and you've still not seen me around, please, I beg you, contact my local authorities and ask them to search every Iowa cave masquerading as a tourist destination, because there's a pretty good chance Tool Man's going to lure me to one anyway and he may try to hide my body there. That life insurance policy we took out on my last July will likely fund a pretty fantastic family vacation.

p.s. - Missouri, in case you're reading, fear not. I already feel guilty, so look for me around Labor Day.



Blogger TwoBusy said...

Why not go on a whale watch? You have those in Iowa, right?

Monday, June 29, 2009 10:42:00 AM  
Blogger zelzee said...

Enjoy your time off this week and enjoy the safari!! (Too funny)

Monday, June 29, 2009 10:46:00 AM  
Blogger MereCat said...

I think you'll have fun on your Brokecation. See how totally random and unpredictable you can be. I bet your boys could come up with some ideas, too. Whatever you do, have a great time!

Monday, June 29, 2009 10:56:00 AM  
Anonymous Brian said...

"Burial place of my virginity" Hah! Too funny.

Joining you in the Brokecation this year. Our trip? to a family reunion down in Pa. Where we'll camp out, in tents, in my uncles back yard. At least it's only a 5 hour drive . . .

Monday, June 29, 2009 11:32:00 AM  
Blogger Bijoux said...

I'm racking up enough mileage on the mini this summer that it's ALMOST like driving across the country and visiting some place grand!

Monday, June 29, 2009 11:47:00 AM  
Blogger Aunt Becky said...

Dude. Them rabbits sound sccaaarrryy. Do take pictures.

Monday, June 29, 2009 11:58:00 AM  
Blogger Chasity said...

Enjoy your brokecation. I have discovered some very fun things to do on mine.
1. Pack the boys pb&j sandwiches, then go sit outside Panera and pretend you're eating good sandwiches.
2. Take them to the park and zip tie them together back to back and tell them it's a great new ride called try not to break your nose.
3. Go see a matinee of Transformers and sneak in a purse full of 100 calorie packs of your choosing.

Whatever you do, I hope it's fun. Enjoy.

Monday, June 29, 2009 12:02:00 PM  
Blogger Swirl Girl said...

hee-hee = Brokation...word of the year!!! Sorry - but going to Super Target sounds like more fun than going to Missouri.

and before you (don't) go anywhere - stop into my joint for something fun!

Monday, June 29, 2009 12:20:00 PM  
Blogger Christina Lee said...

I'll take super Target anyday!! hope you have a good week!!

Monday, June 29, 2009 12:33:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't do caves otherwise I would volunteer to come and rescue you if necessary.

Monday, June 29, 2009 12:50:00 PM  
Blogger WILLIAM said...

Spelunking would be cool. Just the word spelunking is cool.

Monday, June 29, 2009 1:07:00 PM  
Blogger lime said...

hey we've been staycationing for years before it was ever popular. nonetheless have fun, and don't worry about the cave bugs too much.

Monday, June 29, 2009 1:08:00 PM  
Blogger Melissa @ I Pick Pretty said...

Anything in quantities of 100 calories or less doesn't count on the day's calorie meter. How did your mom miss that memo?

Enjoy your vacation from the interwebs, whether you leave the house or the state or whatever!

PS - Is it wrong that I saw "going to Target everyday" as legitimate vacation activity? I think the answer is clearly yes, but the lure of the Red Bullseye and I go way back.

Monday, June 29, 2009 1:09:00 PM  
Blogger FTN said...

I'm going to Missouri this weekend. We (Missouri and I, we're pals) will miss you.

I'll also make sure to pack my wife's amusing "Missouri Loves Company" shirt, because it makes me laugh.

So which Disney is Land and which is World? I can never remember. I've been to the one in Florida, long ago, but never to the other one. Someday I want to take my kids, but with the price of things, I'll probably have to choose between college and DisneyWorld.

And just who am I going to talk to if you aren't around Teh Internetz for a couple of weeks?

Monday, June 29, 2009 1:47:00 PM  
Blogger DKC said...

Brokecation is my new favorite word. SO much better then staycation (which is lame).

Good luck finding things to do. Too bad we're not crafty people, I bet they always have stuff going on. With crimping scissors and glitter and shit.

Monday, June 29, 2009 2:40:00 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

I always heard Missouri pronounced Misery, but fore the like of me did not understand. the only thing I liked there was St. Louis Ribs and fried Catfish. As to your true adventure, I understand that rabbits are sometimes called "bunnies" and as a true Buffy (the vampire slayer) fan, we know those are dangerous creatures.
Have fun.

Monday, June 29, 2009 2:54:00 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Booms said...

I'm in Missouri, so that means Missouri is chock full of awesomocity.

I might also be chock full of something else.

Monday, June 29, 2009 3:09:00 PM  
Blogger Divine Chaos said...

lol have a loverly summery summer. be sure you take a flashlight into the caves ... or a club. I'm thinking you could knock 'em all out -IN- the cave and then have a couple relaxing weeks before they came to and found their way home.

not that you'd ever want to cause bodily harm to your family ..

i'm just sayin ..

Monday, June 29, 2009 3:13:00 PM  
Blogger Brian o vretanos said...

Staying at home and watching National Lapoon's Vacation is not such a bad idea. And if anyone calls round, you can tell them that you're not receiving visitors since you're on holiday.

Don't forget to send us a postcard, and bore us with your holiday pics when you come back from not being away...

Monday, June 29, 2009 3:22:00 PM  
Blogger Kate Coveny Hood said...

I'm with you on caves and ponds. It's not that I don't like nature. I just like it to be paved and beautifullly landscaped. So minigolf could work...although not the golf part since I don't care for sports or games. As you can imagine I'm A LOT of fun!

Monday, June 29, 2009 3:28:00 PM  
Blogger Wonderful World of Weiners said...

Leaving us all is unacceptable. I don't like it one bit. I'm sitting here working and fundraising and you're off having fun..in caves!


Monday, June 29, 2009 3:35:00 PM  
Blogger Bex said...

ok, where do i begin?

1. i am a native st. louisan. target is awesome. i'll give you that. but there are sooooooooooo many cool family vacationy things to do there. do you want me to email you a list?

2. send me to st. louis. how i miss it so!

3. super target. BIG SMILE.

4. charlie, go into the cave, charlie!


Monday, June 29, 2009 5:16:00 PM  
Blogger Lawyer Mom said...

We'll keep a light on for you and an eye out for you. But whatever you do, don't go into the caves.

I repeat: do NOT go into the caves. Those caves take you a sixty erry steps down into the center of earth but it's at least another 120 steps to claw your way back up to daylight. And that's IF you haven't already passed out from lack of oxygen and claustrophobia. Just so we're clear.

Monday, June 29, 2009 8:43:00 PM  
Blogger Stephanie said...

Brokecation is a way cooler word then "staycation". Love this post!

Monday, June 29, 2009 8:45:00 PM  
Blogger The Stiletto Mom said...

I am officially adopting the word brokeaction bc that is exactly what we did for spring break this year! We did have fun but it also took a lot of planning and endless amounts of patience! Enjoy yourself, no matter how much work it is...it's so great to spend time with the family all together!

Monday, June 29, 2009 8:47:00 PM  
Anonymous Pam said...

Out of curiosity, I looked at the Iowa Chamber of Commerce page to see what they suggested for fun Iowa vacations. You need to relocate.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009 1:01:00 AM  
Blogger Aunt Juicebox said...

We got lucky this summer and it was my sister's turn to visit us. Besides, we totally just went to Florida in November and spent a lot of money, and we only take one vacation a year, so that was it, at least until November again, and probably not even then. I'm on vacation strike for awhile. I need a new car, and I can't have both.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009 8:30:00 AM  
Anonymous Bee said...

The husband and I have been having staycations since before they were THE TREND. You know what that says about us? We shoulda just continued dating.

Caves are a little scary because sometimes you find used condoms. Allegedly!

Tuesday, June 30, 2009 9:32:00 AM  
Blogger Ali said...

my body NEVER swims where other things live either.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009 12:34:00 PM  
Blogger Chris said...

I know what you mean. If my in-laws didn't own a timeshare at the beach, we'd never vacation.

I love using vacation as a verb.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009 2:58:00 PM  
Blogger Bunny said...

But Iowa has the best county fairs EVER. At least in my experience. There's no need to leave Iowa in the summer months. The Muscatine County Fair alone is a vacation right there.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009 3:34:00 PM  
Blogger Mary Ellen said...

Ah, the staycation. We used to do that a lot. Pizza on the living room floor, letting the kids watch violent tv shows and play video games until their eyes crossed. Dance Dance Revolution tournaments that ended only with heart failure or bloody feet. Putting together one of those offensive 3D puzzles and seeing who could get the most pieces to stick to their bodies with static electricity.

Let the good times roll.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009 9:52:00 PM  
Blogger Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

yup, we have been doing a lot of the same thing. So far I have taken the kids to an indoor playground, the movies and bowling. So that leaves about two things to do for the rest of the summer (at least that we can afford). Oh well. When they grow up, they can go places and have fun, just like I did for a short period of time when I had money and no children.

Wednesday, July 01, 2009 7:48:00 PM  
Blogger Penney said...

I'm actually a little jealous of your Brokecation term - why didn't I think it?? I hang my head in lame, trendy staycation style.

(And my two year old would totally LOVE your "zoo" and "safari" trips...that's the joy of being two, I guess. Of that, I am very jealous.)

Wednesday, July 01, 2009 8:37:00 PM  
Blogger Zip n Tizzy said...

And if you're really bored, drive a few hours west into Nebraska and go to Pioneer Village!
Harold Warp, put your sisters (I'm guessing) "Hoarding" to shame.
Hell, stay all week! You still won't see everything.
Craziest place I've ever seen, but I've never forgotten it!

Wednesday, July 01, 2009 9:59:00 PM  
Blogger That girl from Shallotte said...

Take them somewhere were they can run and dig. That's what little boys like to do, right? Also, am I a horrible person for being secretly pleased you won't be leaving me for a week? I missed you last year!

Thursday, July 02, 2009 7:06:00 AM  
Blogger blissfully caffeinated said...

Nothing good can happen in a cave. Even if Kiefer is hanging upside down inside.

Thursday, July 02, 2009 10:43:00 AM  
Blogger Don Mills Diva said...

Being from Canada and all, any kind of a Super Target sounds dreamy...

Thursday, July 02, 2009 2:48:00 PM  
Blogger Christina-Marie Wright said...

Heh... I went to Cottey College. That's in Nevada, Missouri. You gotta say it "ne-VAY-duh."

Lord, I hate that state.

Thursday, July 02, 2009 10:47:00 PM  
Anonymous brianP said...

Omgosh, coming from kansas city, going to wal-mart was our super high during the summer.

It's almost like we forgot stuff on purpose, just so we had to go back.

Forgot taco shells, Hey, let's go to WallyWorld again!

Now, of course, it's all about Target. ;)

Thursday, July 02, 2009 11:45:00 PM  
Anonymous Kelley @ magnetoboldtoo said...

we have a brokecation every year. I just didn't have a word for it.

Thanks sweetness, you have expanded my vocabulary.

Friday, July 03, 2009 7:38:00 AM  
Blogger Mandy said...

perhaps you could pretend you're all "little house on the prairie" and make your own clothes, and be glad you have straw to play with, and? No? hmmm... wish i was more imaginative :-)

Friday, July 03, 2009 12:37:00 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Backyard vacations can be superb. Next week I'm taking a break from gardening, and the overrun mess at the back of my house won't miss it.

Sunday, July 05, 2009 10:47:00 AM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

We just got back from our second family vacation of the last 13 years. We've nearly perfected the art of Day-Tripping From Home, so we thought we'd stretch ourselves a bit (well, that and a friend of ours just up and offered us the use of his family's cabin in the North Woods, so who are we to argue with that?)

Years ago, when our family was still small enough to contemplate something like taking them all to Disney World (the Florida one), we paid our obligatory homage to The Mouse, and got Ten Rides In Ten Hours for our $100 (and mind you, those were 1989 dollars. . .) We ended up going on 'Small World' twice, just because it had the shortest line (that song! that horrible, hideous, vomit-inducing SONG!!!) So, I'm not a huge fan of the theme parks. At least, not on a cost-vs-benefit basis. . .

Anyway, what with you & your Tool Man being in the same place together for a WHOLE WEEK, I'm guessing you can think of suitably satisfying things to do. . . ;)

Sunday, July 05, 2009 3:49:00 PM  

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