...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

'without the help of a margarita or ectasy'

As I write this, the sun's setting on the first real day of summer vacation, and as you can see, I toasted this period - also known as The First Day Of The Summer Vacation Where I Don't Tell The Boys No! - with a spectacular glass of wine from a bottle I picked up when the boys and I ran to the grocery store this afternoon. I'll note here that, when I said we were going to the store, the boys responded with a chorus of negativity, but oh, if mama don't play that way, neither do mama's boys, thank you very much.

Anyway, I think it's a rule if you are a mom and you blog, you're supposed to drink wine from time to time and I'm nothing if not a stickler for rules. I'm also quite the wine aficionado, which if you saw me swirling the inky depths of this red poured from the five dollar bottle from within which it aged, you'd definitely agree. Oh, yes, I quite think this wine bypassed the pesky barreling stage. Suffice to say, if I indulge in another glass (oh...hahahaha...IF!), I'll be a buck and a quarter away from leaning over, touching your thigh, and going on about how much I love you. I mean really, really love you. I put the cheap in frugal dating, my friends.

So you're probably wondering how this whole putting the kibosh on saying no business went today. It went excellent! The only time I so much as eeked out a sound that could've been confused with the word no was when, at 7:30 a.m., I was opening the front door to let the cool summer air in (wanna play in the sunshine? too damn bad because it's June in the Midwest and we barely broke 60 degrees today!) and there, his tan little face pressed up to the screen, was the neighbor kid. His grin and my scream was a damn near perfect re-enactment of Jack Nicholson's and Shelley Duvall's
"Here's Johnny!" from The Shining. I then screamed some more as a means of suggesting there's no real reason to be anywhere near my house before 8 a.m., and more preferably 9 a.m., and yes, these ARE pajamas I'm wearing because some of us aren't vampires who rise with the sun, now why don't you scoot on home and come back later. Or call the house in 5 minutes because that's what he did. This? This is what I dread about summer vacation.

Other than that, there was a chorus of positivity flying through the air here today. Do you want to throw the football with me, Mom? You bet! Can we make Kool Aid, Mom? Totally! Want to shoot hoops with me later? You better believe it! Can I eat lunch at Ryan's, Mom? Why not?! Is it OK if we just have peanut butter sandwiches for supper tonight, Mom? Sure! I don't think I've ever gone more than 12 hours being this upbeat and positive! Do you want to draw with sidewalk chalk? Yes, yes, a million times yes!

So we did:

You're probably thinking, "Wow! That's a really impressive snail your young son drew, Fadkog!" but I must tell you, as it was told to me when I exclaimed at the beauty of this work, that this isn't, in fact, a snail, but an earthworm whose lower half has been smooched while making an ill-timed slither through a rock quarry (not pictured - the trailing entrails stretched out the length of the driveway) while coming home from a party for his friends (thus the wacky party favor antenna atop it's earthwormey head. The kid's got an eye, I'll tell ya. It's not all pens and penis arms for this talented master!

Anyway, in the unlikely event you've not figured this out yet, I don't really have a point to this post. I just wanted to drink wine and say stuff, so here's some stuff I've got bouncing around in my head:
  • Why didn't anyone warn me I was going to be doing the silent ugly cry withing the first 15 minutes of UP?
  • Furthermore, why didn't anyone tell me I'd weep tears of boredom while watching The Curious Case of Benjamin Button? By the time it was over, I felt 70 years older. If there was a lesson to that film, I missed it between all my whining. Real shame I didn't have actual wine at the time.
  • As you can imagine, I'm a real joy to be married to.
  • Not only am I a joy, but I'm not a heartless person, either. However, I cannot I stop laughing every time I watch Bret Michaels getting clotheslined at Sunday night's Tony Awards. Maybe now he'll consider the bandanna and cowboy hat atop the finest hair extensions Europe has to offer a wee bit of overkill if it impedes his vision. The man don't need nothin' but a good time and perhaps some extra-strength Tylenol. And apparently a few stitches:

  • I woke up last week to find a bunch of ducks mingling with the usual assortment of rabbits and songbirds that have taken up residence in our backyard. There's not a body of water anywhere near my neighborhood, but the ducks hung out for quite awhile. It felt very much like I'd been transported into a Disney movie (minus the ugly crying), so I spent the rest of my morning on the lookout for a tribe of tiny whistling men or bitchy women wanting to curse me.
  • I emptied backpacks last week when school ended. Each boy came home with more unused school supplies than I remember sending with them last fall. Glue sticks, unsharpened pencils, perfect markers. Elementary school desks are like weird Thunderdomes. One pair of kid-safe scissors go in, two pair come out. I think we're good through college. So why the hell am I buying $5 bottles of wine?
  • I read in the news last week that Nelson Mandela will be celebrating his 91st birthday soon with a special concert where one of the headline performers will be...Jesse McCartney? (don't know who Jesse McCartney is? Check that link for a Jesse hit featuring Ludacris out! Or not. I mean, really...Luda?). I usually have a lot of words. I don't have many more than 'really?' for that one.
  • The other night, my youngest son and I were hanging out in the kitchen and picking up after dinner when he paused briefly to bestow upon me the highest compliment he could for the meal I'd prepared for him - a burp. "Oh, that one? That one was one creamy burp!" he said with delight. Pretty impressive since we'd had barbecued hamburgers and homemade oven fries for dinner. Equally as impressive was how his belch made me blanch. Of course, I don't know why'd I'd expect anything less from a kid who can feel the stench of his shoes.

Oh, this post is long and boring. So very so. You know what's not boring? Cheap wine. And my love for you. Not necessarily in that order. Now, how about you go fetch me a refill, we love each other for awhile longer, and we agree not to be all freaky about it in the morning, OK?



Anonymous Redneck Mommy said...

Cheers darling.

I'm drinking some cheap wine myself at the moment.

And dreaming of you being drunk and easy.

Like me.


Tuesday, June 09, 2009 12:22:00 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

I had to watch the video twice and stifle my giggle so I didn't wake the baby. Who knew the Tony awards could be so entertaining?

Tuesday, June 09, 2009 12:27:00 AM  
Blogger bernthis said...

I've got two weeks to go before summer starts and i"m thrilled no more getting up at 7am yahoo!!!! and yeah, tell that kid to scram and I gotta say "creepy"

Tuesday, June 09, 2009 1:37:00 AM  
Anonymous Kelley @ magnetoboldtoo said...

you and me would be perfect together. Cheap happy drunks.

And that Brett Michaels clothesline thing, cracked my shit up. I showed people at work and they were all 'you are so evil Kelley' and I was shocked and dismayed that they did not recognise comedy GOLD!

PS - I took my girls to a Jesse McCartney concert. I don't remember much cause I spent most of the time cowering.

Tuesday, June 09, 2009 2:48:00 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Wine, wind, penis arms ... how can you consider that boring?

Tuesday, June 09, 2009 4:07:00 AM  
Anonymous TwoBusy said...

How's Darling Jim?

Tuesday, June 09, 2009 5:22:00 AM  
Blogger Bijoux said...

I've been hitting the red a lot lately......our summer starts Thursday.

Tuesday, June 09, 2009 5:35:00 AM  
Blogger Bethany said...

Ha! Saying Yes all day sounds like much more fun than I'm having saying No! Here, here, cheers cheers to cheap red on long summer days...:)

Tuesday, June 09, 2009 6:09:00 AM  
Blogger Divine Chaos said...

I used to drink wine .. but my daughter got a little sip when she was 8 (yes, I gave my kid alcohol at age 8) and turned into insta-lush. Every time she saw a bottle, she wanted some. So, I had to go back to sucking down vodka or rum instead. Ain't that a kick in the teeth??

Tuesday, June 09, 2009 7:45:00 AM  
Blogger calicobebop said...

Nothing calls for wine more than summer vacation. Good times, good times...

Oh, and I did the quiet cry in UP too. My daughter had no idea what was going on. Damn you, Disney! You sure know how to tug the heartstrings!

Tuesday, June 09, 2009 8:04:00 AM  
Blogger Kevin McKeever said...

This does mean we never have to hear from Bret Michaels again, right?

Tuesday, June 09, 2009 8:32:00 AM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

Meself, I'm partial to the $5 Lambruscos. Altho there's a winery up in the Grand Traverse region that puts out a really nice Cherry Riesling for about $6.50. So maybe when you feel like splurging. . .

And all I know about Jesse McCartney is that I've always gotta sort thru his stuff when I do a search on Paul. . .

Tuesday, June 09, 2009 8:41:00 AM  
Blogger Christina Lee said...

I opened my first bottle at 8 am- I put it in my coffee cup -LOL! So do you recommend UP?

ummm...my word verification below is "bodies"- wierd! let me drink some more wine

Tuesday, June 09, 2009 8:44:00 AM  
Blogger Kate Coveny Hood said...

Some of my favorite posts were written with several glasses of red wine. Liquid inspiration I say! Or maybe liquid courage - or self aggrandizement?...what's that saying?

Love the idea of never saying no to the kids, but that would entail me making 50 cheese sandwiches a day and going into debt over ice cream runs. So in an effort to keep my children out of the obesity demographics, I'll opt for a firm "no effing way" more often than not.

Tuesday, June 09, 2009 8:46:00 AM  
Blogger Chasity said...

The second official day of vacation has begun. Sleeping in until 8am may just have me changing my philosophy to the zen of yes today. I saw your glass of wine and I got all Homer Simpsony- "Mmmmmm....Wine...."

Tuesday, June 09, 2009 8:53:00 AM  
Blogger Melissa @ I Pick Pretty said...

Cheap wine & Poison! Wait, that kinda sounds like a bad romance novel. Nonetheless, You're definitely my kind of girl.

Now if only I could classify my burps like your multi-talented son. Parenting doesn't sound boring, I'll give you that.

Tuesday, June 09, 2009 9:03:00 AM  
Blogger Kathy B! said...

I think I drank some of that $5 wine last night, and I feel a little fuzzy headed today. I guess I should be more careful as we still have almost three weeks until school is out...

And when you're done with that bottle? Save it so you can chase that crazy neighbor boy away from your house with it. That is waaay too early to be coming around!

Tuesday, June 09, 2009 9:17:00 AM  
Blogger Wonderful World of Weiners said...

Love the smooshed under a rock worm. I TOTALLY see it!!

Hallie :)

Tuesday, June 09, 2009 9:21:00 AM  
Blogger Mrs. Booms said...

Here is to cheap red wine. Sometimes? Mine even comes out of a box.

Just like my hair color.

Tuesday, June 09, 2009 9:27:00 AM  
Anonymous Maureen at IslandRoar said...

Ain't summer grand? Think I'll go pour a glass...
oh, wait, it's 11 am.
Later. Definitely.

Tuesday, June 09, 2009 9:46:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

One day down, about two million to go. Good luck with that.

Have I mentioned my sister's a teacher? She cannot WAIT to pawn of the spawn's of satan she's been teaching all year long on their parents for the next two and a half months.

And yes, wine makes EVERYTHING better.

Tuesday, June 09, 2009 9:50:00 AM  
Blogger That girl from Shallotte said...

My name is That Girl From Shallotte and I'll be your sommelier for eternity...

Tuesday, June 09, 2009 12:24:00 PM  
Blogger Leslie said...

Unfreaky. That's totally me.

Tuesday, June 09, 2009 12:55:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt Becky said...

I dislike wine. I know, I know, we can't be friends now. But hey, I'm a cheap date with a bottle of whiskey. I'm easy, even!

Tuesday, June 09, 2009 1:30:00 PM  
Blogger Bex said...

that whole paragraph about wine? true poetry, my friend. and you know what's not boring? your post. kept my attention anyway.

i might have also been waiting and secretly hoping for that thigh grab so i would have an excuse to slap someone then burst out in a fit of giggles.

Tuesday, June 09, 2009 1:35:00 PM  
Blogger Tuesday Girl said...

Cheap wine is just the ticket in your case! I may have to do the very same thing because school ends in 8 short days and I am scared.
hold me!

Tuesday, June 09, 2009 2:21:00 PM  
Blogger Brian o vretanos said...

The main problem I have with wine is that once I've opened a bottle I have to drink it all, since it wouldn't do to let it oxidise. On second thoughts it isn't that much of a problem...

Tuesday, June 09, 2009 2:47:00 PM  
Blogger msprimadonna67 said...

I, too, was wondering why no one had offered up a disclaimer about the beginning of the movie UP! There ought to be warnings about that sort of thing...

Tuesday, June 09, 2009 2:58:00 PM  
Anonymous zelzee said...

I am so out of the loop all the time!!!

I am not a wine drinker.........my poison is White Russians.....and they never made me write a better post...I'm just happier when I write........

Tuesday, June 09, 2009 3:09:00 PM  
Blogger DKC said...

You sound so positive! Maybe I should try the No "No" thing - might keep me from being such a Debbie Downer all the time. Either that or I just need to get more wine!

(Which, actually considering how much wine I drink already, might not be a good thing.)

Tuesday, June 09, 2009 3:45:00 PM  
Blogger Nenette Alejandria Mayor said...

You sound like me when I'm drunky. :)

Tuesday, June 09, 2009 4:38:00 PM  
Blogger PAPATV said...

That snail was awesome! And, I was totally waiting for that story on ecstasy!

And the case of benjamin button up did seem boring. glad you saved me 5 hours of my life.

thank you. ;)

Tuesday, June 09, 2009 7:35:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sometimes you just need a good wine post ;) I can't wait to see UP - thanks for the warning :)


Tuesday, June 09, 2009 7:56:00 PM  
Blogger blissfully caffeinated said...

I can see from the glass of wine that the Summer of Yes is heading the wrong way, fast.

Stay strong, my friend. Stay strong.

Tuesday, June 09, 2009 9:08:00 PM  
Blogger Swirl Girl said...

You had me at 'if you're a mommy blogger ' and then something about wine.

I as Swirl Girl. And I do.

word verification is =gooter (tee-hee)

Tuesday, June 09, 2009 10:49:00 PM  
Blogger Zip n Tizzy said...

With all that yessing, you better have some cheap wine to go with it!
We had a lot of crying going on in UP as well. First my husband at the beginning. Then Z throughout.... Storm troopers and Scooby doo Zombies do nothing to the boy, but, barking dogs? He was trembling like a leaf!

Wednesday, June 10, 2009 12:46:00 AM  
Blogger Kat said...

Was that the same neighbor kid that you were hiding on the kitchen floor from?

Wednesday, June 10, 2009 6:00:00 AM  
Blogger Ali said...

*I* told you.
I warned you about UP.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009 10:14:00 AM  
Anonymous Bee said...

I’m debating between “Up” and “Hangover”

On the one hand you have a poignant tale about an old dude.

On the other hand you have lewd behavior and naked old dude butt.

hmmmmm can’t deeeee-ciiiide!

Wednesday, June 10, 2009 2:35:00 PM  
Blogger Phat Mama said...

Tips her wine glass to you and the summer of no no's - you have super courage!

Wednesday, June 10, 2009 4:25:00 PM  
Blogger The Stiletto Mom said...

I should have warned you about UP. My husband looked at me and actually mouthed "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU" at me bc I was SOBBING.

And 60 degrees? I hate you, it's 95 here already. Hold me.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009 5:23:00 PM  

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