...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

just take the damn picture already

Have you ever been somewhere when someone pulls out a camera to capture the memories of that particular moment in time and all you can think about the instant you see that time-freezing device in their hands is "Of course, because this zit on my chin is something I want you to look at in the future and remember fondly," or "Sure, but first let me find a bunch of strangers to stand behind because I made an unfortunate shirt choice today and also, I'm feeling a tiny bit fat and I think just having my enormous zit-encrusted face floating on the shoulders of others hides that fact, so hold on, won't you?"

Or your camera-wielding friend spends 20 minutes imploring you to "Smile! Just smile already!" and you think you are but their constant, never-ending, incessant urging to say cheese or "Smile right already!" have really started to annoy you, so as you're thinking of how awesome it might be if your head could split in two and a giant robotic arm could spring forth straight from your lower cortex and grab that soul-capturing device from their now trembling, terrified hands, you say through gritted teeth, "Just take the damn picture already!"


Well, my face aches from that kind of smiling lately, and actually, it's probably good that there is no photographic evidence of this fake smiling me being recorded because I kind of rather think that when the photos were developed, all you'd see is this black, knotted up, noxious vapor cloud. Kind of like what those so-called ghost hunters claim is actually the spirit of a troubled soul wandering the recesses of some poor unsuspecting new homeowners' basement. The kind that would have those so-called ghost hunters urging the poor unsuspecting new homeowner to get the hell out because, Mr. and Mrs Poor Unsuspecting New Homeowner, that think DOES NOT look nice and we cannot be held responsible for what that thing might do to you while you attempt to drift off to sleep tonight.

So I have some things I need to exorcise, I think.

But in the meantime, I offer up vague ramblings because my head aches from all the stuff in it, and my body is exhausted because said stuff likes to hold all-night cranium raves complete with glow sticks and while I've never actually been to a rave, I've seen them on TV, and surely TV doesn't lie to me, so I assume there's other poor choices being made up there.

And also? My face hurts from smiling when I don't want to, so I have to work on that, too.

Does this post sound pissy? Kind of thought so. Sorry. Makes no sense to me, either. However, don't be scared. My jaw has been so clenched lately that it would be impossible for me to bite you.


Actually, I'm just as tired of this version of me as I imagine everyone around me is, which is another reason why I cringe when the request to smile is made. I think I am, that I have been, but I clearly haven't been for awhile. Probably good there's no photographic evidence, too, because it feels like it's going to be an ugly process.



Blogger Badass Geek said...

I like to not tell people when I'm going to take the picture. That way, there are more people with fingers up their noses and awkward facial expressions to liven up the ol' photo album.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009 10:28:00 AM  
Blogger Bijoux said...

Bad hair day, FADKOG? I've got nothing!

Tuesday, August 11, 2009 10:31:00 AM  
Blogger Melissa @ I Pick Pretty said...

I'm sorry, FADKOG. Sending you good thoughts - or at least a mental glowstick with which to better keep up with the imaginary rave (I've never been to one either, so this made me laugh).

Tuesday, August 11, 2009 10:45:00 AM  
Blogger Swirl Girl said...

No smiling necessary here, FADOKG - grimace at will.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009 11:03:00 AM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

Hoo, boy; sorry for your 'sad dementia'.

Would a {{{hug}}} help?

I'm also familiar with those intra-cranial raves; sometimes the best thing is just to sleep 'em off, and let the madness pass. . .

I'll pray for you. . .

Tuesday, August 11, 2009 11:07:00 AM  
Blogger That girl from Shallotte said...

At least you're still putting in the good effort! My 40s have found me running screaming from cameras. "Do not look at me! Do not look at me!"

Got my latest drivers' license last week. Every time I have to present it for ID for the next eight years, I'll scream, "Do not look at me! Do not look at me!"

You, however, are a delightful piece of adorableness. And I love how you describe how I feel.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009 11:15:00 AM  
Blogger Kim said...

Try scrunching up your nose and sticking your tongue out. It's much easier than a fake smile. To add some real effect, wave your middle finger madly!

Tuesday, August 11, 2009 11:20:00 AM  
Blogger Aunt Becky said...

I'm sorry, lover. Don't fake smile on my behalf. We'll punch things together instead.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009 11:49:00 AM  
Blogger Kevin McKeever said...

When they say smile, just give 'em the bird, FADKOG. Just give them the bird.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009 11:49:00 AM  
Blogger Melissa said...

Doesn't sound pissy, just that you'd like some time to regroup and get your natural spirit back. Good regrouping wishes being sent your way.


Tuesday, August 11, 2009 12:47:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think it is perfectly ok for you to punch the next person to request you "smile" in the face. Perfectly ok.

Also, I feel your mood. I sympathize. And I'm sorry you're feeling crappy. I don't expect you to smile. Be bitter and angry and crabby. Wallow in it.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009 2:50:00 PM  
Blogger Zip n Tizzy said...

And then they'll post the worst of them on facebook so that everyone you knew at one point of your life but haven't seen in 20 years can see you at your finest.

It's a lovely digital age, but I guess it beats being eaten by lions in crowded coloseums.

Hang on. A few more weeks and school starts, and you can start saying no to your boys again.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009 3:42:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt Juicebox said...

I think pissy is in the water lately. Which is not a good thing, no matter how you look at it.

I hate having my picture taken and will avoid it at all costs.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009 6:16:00 PM  
Blogger Sailor said...

Sorry 'bout the demented and sad, hugs.

Next time someone wants ya to smile & you're not feeling it, just take the time-stopping device and shove it in their smile- and I can promise you, you'll smile (albeit it may be an evil smile) as you walk away.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009 7:09:00 PM  
Anonymous TwoBusy said...

Exorcisms, from what I understand, are scary, unpleasant, and sometimes very necessary.

Let me know if/when you schedule one, so I can send you a "Have a Great Exorcism!" someecard.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009 9:47:00 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

I'm the friend that wants to take a ton of photos, but I never ask people to smile. If they do, they do. If not, in some of the best photos of people they are not smiling.

Hope things get better for you.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009 10:05:00 PM  
Blogger Bee said...

I hate it when people tell me to smile. Then they don't understand why I flip out and make gruesome faces.

I hope things get better soon. Maybe have some pistachio ice cream That's what I do. ;o)

Tuesday, August 11, 2009 10:05:00 PM  
Blogger Stone Fox said...

get some clown makeup and instead of putting lipstick on before you leave the house, color in a big toothy smile on your face. think of the face ache this will save you should anyone want to take your picture, as you will already be smiling and looking your best.

you may also find that the to "come on!! smile!! i'm taking your picture!!" requests will substantially decrease.

really, it's win-win.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009 10:15:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

(hug) hope that smiling gets easier, babe.

Meanwhile, I hope no one asks you to until you're damn good and ready!

Wednesday, August 12, 2009 6:42:00 AM  
Blogger Christina Lee said...

yep! i hear ya! But I'm guilty of doing this to my five year old because he just never looks in my direction and the pics are terrible!

Wednesday, August 12, 2009 8:00:00 AM  
Blogger Pat said...

Hope you're back to your old self soon and the bad ju-ju goes away. Try opening a bottle of wine, putting your feet up, and drink till the future looks rosy, or until at least the edges are blurry. :)

Wednesday, August 12, 2009 11:10:00 AM  
Blogger Mary Ellen said...

Finally, somebody who understands the whole disembodied head theory.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009 11:45:00 AM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Badass Geek - That probably explains why I'm such a fan of taking extreme close ups, too.

Cocotte - There might be a hint of that in the mood, too.

Legallyblondemel - Thank you, dear.

Swirl Girl - I should warn you it's a pretty ugly grimace these days.

Des - Thank you for all that.

That Girl - I need to remind some people around this place I live there's still some adorableness in here. And I need to make a note that I need to renew my license this year. Sigh...

Under the Influence - I think I've got that finger waving thing down!

Aunt Becky - How are you with roundhouse kicks? I'm thinking of going full on Patrick Swayze in Roadhouse on life lately!

Always Home - I'm sad to admit what a pro I can be at that move!

Melissa - Thank you to you, too, dear...

Meg - I hope there's no time limit on the wallowing. I feel like I've been wallowing for a long time!

Zip n Tizzy - Facebook would collapse under the strain of my demon mug around it these days!

Aunt Juicebox - I wonder if my kids will realize they had a mother years from now when they're going through our old family photos, that's how much I tend to avoid the camera!

Sailor - I may have to just imagine a move like that, but it's a good idea!

TwoBusy - And messy. Exorcisms are so, so messy, and if there's one thing I hate, it's a messy environment. Is there a card for that?

Heather - I never ask, which is easy to tell based on the number of photos I have of my kids making faces at me!

Bee - I've never had this magic frozen elixar, but I'm willing to give it a shot to see if it helps!

Stone Fox - What happens if I end up looking like that creepy clown from "It"?

mommygeekology - I need to do some work on getting things better. Soon, I hope. Soon. Thank you, dear...

Christina Lee - Most photos of my youngest would make it seem I've got a blurry faced phantom for a child. And my oldest? Well, he's a sullen teen in the body of a 11 year old!

Pat - This sounds like a pretty feasible elixar in the event Bee's ice cream suggestion doesn't work...or maybe in tandem with the ice cream...hmmm...

Mary Ellen - I never leave home without my disembodied head!

Wednesday, August 12, 2009 2:04:00 PM  
Blogger Kate Coveny Hood said...

Generally, when people insist that you smile, it's because they have their own fears and issues. Give your face a break. Tell them that you can't smile because you just got Botox. Their reactions might make you laugh - and HEY, that's a smile. So it's a win win.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009 2:17:00 PM  
Blogger Grumpy, M.D. said...

"Look! It's a digital! Just starting shooting already! One of them should turn out okay. It's not like you're wasting film!"

Wednesday, August 12, 2009 2:53:00 PM  
Blogger Mandy said...

You know, there's nothing worse than being told to "just cheer up" when you feel like you can't. Or feeling like you need to fake being happy.

I hope you get a chance to exorcise your demons soon.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009 5:04:00 PM  
Blogger CT Mom said...

I've been editing myself out of pictures lately. Thank goodness for Photoshop.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009 8:50:00 PM  
Blogger Chris said...

What's a smile but a frown turned upside-down?

Wednesday, August 12, 2009 10:01:00 PM  
Blogger Kat said...

I just want to give you a big gigantic hug!

Thursday, August 13, 2009 5:47:00 AM  
Blogger Leandra said...

If it makes you feel any better, I think this going around. I myself have fallen victim to it lately. Don't believe me, just ask my husband.

I'm hoping it's just a phase, and like my teenage, will pass.

Hang in there, sister.

Thursday, August 13, 2009 10:01:00 AM  
Blogger Leandra said...

excuse me, I mean "Like my teenage YEARS, will pass."

damn these quick typing fingers.

Also, my word verification is penieshe. WTF?

Thursday, August 13, 2009 10:02:00 AM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Kate - Oh, my...I just thought of how rarely I tell someone to smile. Gah! I think this might put me close to the bursting point with angst and issues! Will try your idea!

Grumpy, MD - My own digital is evidence to just how few good ones really show up before the one true one does.

Mandy - Me, too. Thanks for noting the 'bigger picture' behind the 'not really about pictures' thing...

CT Mom - Oh, if only I knew how to do more than just make myself black and white!

Chag - I hear it takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile, too. To that I say "BAH!"

Kat - Thank you. I would take it.

Madame Queen - My husband definitely hopes it's a phase! I actually think I was less dark and angsty as a teen!

Thursday, August 13, 2009 10:22:00 AM  
Blogger Bex said...

don't you worry about zits in pictures, you've got me now, girlfriend and i can make that annoying thing disappear from the immortality of documentation quicker than you can say, "immortality or documentation."

or were you being figurative?

the latest version of me is all insecure, down herself and feeling like a loser in general so - don't judge me just because i don't know, ok? i might just start sobbing all over your blog and that will make all of our computers and laptops short out.

Thursday, August 13, 2009 4:53:00 PM  
Blogger Kathy B! said...

You just need to be photographed next to me! I promise you'll look like a princess every time :) I always have my eyes half closed...

Friday, August 14, 2009 9:08:00 AM  

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