...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Monday, February 22, 2010

if this was an episode of 'behind the music,' hall & oates would confess she's the inspiration for 'maneater'

"At lunch today, Josh yelled out to everyone in the multipurpose room that Meghan likes me," my oldest son announced casually tonight over dinner.

At 12 1/2 years old, my son is just beginning to view girls as something more than boys with a few extra parts, so it's still new for me to hear him talk about them. I'd like to think we've done enough talking over the years to prevent him from becoming the next Brian Austin Green in a remake of the Lifetime movie classic Unwed Father ("One night of passion...a lifetime of consequences!"), but with a girl like Meghan, I feel there's not enough parental advisory stickers I could slap on this (in all likelihood harmless)(but still!) crush.

Before you chastise me for saying something like "a girl like Meghan," please let me tell you that I'm not the only mother of a middle school son who has said those words. We are women who grew up having read enough Judy Blume books to know that it's not all Margaret talking to the Messiah about her menses. That girl eventually morphs into the dog-eared pages of Forever, pondering the magic they imagine The Sex will be. My fellow mothers and I have watched Meghan slide down the row of boys lined up along the gym wall waiting to take the court and then looked around our clustered masses wondering if this girl's mother was among us, watching her daughter rub the cheeks - top AND bottom - of these boys, most of whom are wide-eyed in amazement at the attention being bestowed upon them. Her giggles are loud, her hair is a whip, and her hands are like explorers sailing to uncharted lands in search of treasure - treasure I think should melt one's face off like that unfortunate Nazi chap's at the end of Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark until one is at least in one's 20s and/or married, thank you very much.

From our front row seats to this nature program, we watch the star, this bubbly blond Great White shark in shuttered sunglasses and painfully tight jeans dipped into Ugg boots, attack these boys like so many blobs of bloody chum, and we wonder if we're whispering amongst ourselves, what's being said about Meghan in the school halls. I've followed the path from my son's Facebook page to her's and watched the ever-changing relationship status revolve from 'single' to 'in a relationship' more times than I can count, and wondered why 12 and 13 year old kids even think they should BE in relationships. Maybe it's just me, but I don't think you can say you're in a relationship until you've argued about monthly bills, held the other's hair back while they vomited, and/or gone through a life-changing crisis more severe than what to wear to Friday night's winter dance.

(By the way? GET OFF MY LAWN!!)

I realize kids will be kids, that this is a time of rapid fire, magical change, but wow, it makes me cringe! At one of my son's recent basketball games, it was difficult to concentrate on the game as I watched Meghan play musical chairs among the team bench. At one point, she ended up sitting next to the coach, who I thought was going to send her in when he subbed out players. At halftime, while the boys were supposed to be running drills, they were circling this girl and taking gulps from a giant red Slushee she hoisted up to each of their mouths. As they drank from her plastic chalice, she poked her tongue out at each and asked if the drink had left it blood red, all while coyly twirling her hair and doing some sort of dance routine around them. Honestly, it's nothing short of a miracle the team's had a winning season for as little attention as they seem to pay to the game (perhaps it's the 14 points per game my 12 1/2 year old son who is just starting to care about girls averages per game, but that's just a mother talking...).

So back to dinner tonight. "How about you? Do you like Meghan?" I asked after my son had made his announcement. Before he could answer, I thought of all the sly facts of life conversations we've had with him, and figured another shot at it couldn't hurt. "You know how sometimes girls like to offer their drinks to boys and it seems really nice of them, but by the time they get to you with their cup, you realize there isn't much there to drink because so many other boys before you have taken big gulps?" I asked, thinking about that Slushee episode one more time (and shuddering)(don't even get me started on the germs, people)(I mean, hello?! Meningitis, anyone?). My son just stared at me, as boys in my family are wont to do, really, so I continued "Well, not every girl has what you want to drink in her cup."

"It's OK, Mom,"
he responded. "I'm not really that thirsty right now."

And that, friends, is how I sighed in relief over my plate of baked rigatoni while casually talking about sex with my son without actually mentioning the word 'sex.' However, the day when he decides he is parched will likely be here before I care to admit it, so the real talk looms.

And I sigh again.



Anonymous Cheryl said...

Oh my, oh my, oh my. Move. Far away.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010 7:16:00 AM  
Blogger Always Home and Uncool said...

You're welcome to discuss sex with my kids anytime. You may have to scream since they'll be locked in their rooms at the time.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010 8:00:00 AM  
Anonymous Bejewell said...

Best "birds and bees" conversation EVER.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010 9:17:00 AM  
Blogger Erika said...

My mother-in-law gave my sister-in-law a China plate with a chat about keeping it safe etc. etc. and I had never really thought about it but there really is no "cute" metaphoric way to handle that with boys so well done with the slushee analogy.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010 9:34:00 AM  
Anonymous TwoBusy said...

Perhaps it's time to pull a Bob Barker and get ol' Meghan neutered or spayed.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010 9:36:00 AM  
Blogger Cocotte said...

My first thought was meningitis too! GAH on the Meghan. There's one or two of those in every grade in America.

I think Meghan is the reason people homeschool.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010 10:08:00 AM  
Blogger Trueself said...

Yikes! N is only a year behind your oldest son. I do believe I may just use that slushee metaphor on him when the time comes (as it apparently will, sooner rather than later).

Aack. I dread the middle school years.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010 10:15:00 AM  
Blogger Craig said...


Been there, done that.

As both the dad and the kid. And having been the kid once upon a time, only raises the anxiety level when it comes time to pick up the 'Dad' role in the conversation. . .

Of course, you also noted those two portentous words - "right now" - that remind you that, yes indeedy, the real 'talk' is still looming, probably not too terribly far over the horizon. . .

And, uh. . . Tool Man? He's in on this, too, right?

Tuesday, February 23, 2010 10:50:00 AM  
Blogger Christina Lee said...

Hmm... birds and bees...sips and cups...

Tuesday, February 23, 2010 11:10:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Love the sex talk without actually using the word sex. Good for you!

Tuesday, February 23, 2010 11:17:00 AM  
Blogger The Savage said...

Evil Woman is another good song based title....

Tuesday, February 23, 2010 12:07:00 PM  
Blogger Kate Coveny Hood said...

Oh I don't know... From what I remember, girls like her (at THAT age) are all about the attention - but not much else. She'll be more of a threat to her male peers when they're older and all too eager to be on her radar. So you probably have some time before you need to worry. Actually, I'm getting a Rizzo "there are worse things I could do" vibe here and I feel a little sorry for her. But then - my oldest son turns five in March.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010 1:33:00 PM  
Blogger steenky bee said...

I haven't even read this yet but I can barely contain my excitement that you have "Hall and Oates" in your blog title. You are the Hall to my Oates. That's how much I think of you. I'll be the one with the creepy mustache and awfully uncomfortably long looks at the camera. I'll let you be the one with the better hair and all the pipes.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010 8:02:00 PM  
Blogger steenky bee said...

You? Hit it out of the park. I SO remember dragging my mom along to the library so she would give me permission to read "Forever". I now want to buy that book and re-read it all over again.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010 8:04:00 PM  
Blogger Bee said...

Oh man! I remember the Meghan of my time and how she seemed to have *initiated* every boy in my class... oh boy.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010 8:21:00 PM  
Blogger Ally said...

I myself need to re-read Judy. I guess it's the right thing to do since I named my blog after one of my fave childhood books by her. Great post! Makes me fear having kids though. I don't know how parents deal with topics like sex, drugs, etc. :(

Tales Of A Fourth Grade Nothing

Tuesday, February 23, 2010 9:50:00 PM  
Blogger Maureen@IslandRoar said...

"I'm really not that thirsty right now..."

Wednesday, February 24, 2010 1:29:00 PM  
Blogger JoeinVegas said...

Yes, "not really that thirsty" - he knows what's going on.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010 5:22:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt Becky said...

Ben is still horrified by sex. In fact, every so often he says "GOD, I HOPE I NEVER HAVE TO HAVE SEX." It's pretty funny.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010 7:27:00 PM  
Anonymous A Vapid Blonde said...

So when he does get thirsty just throw a giant glass of ice water on him and then throw him in a cold shower to clean up!

Wednesday, February 24, 2010 8:11:00 PM  
Blogger msprimadonna67 said...

Nicely done! Right now the only girls my 13 year old is interested in are the ones who are in the Star Wars club, on the Chess team, and on the Robotics team. Which is to say, none, at this time.

Thursday, February 25, 2010 1:00:00 AM  
Blogger WILLIAM said...

Do not underestimate the power of a girls "cup" on a 12/ 13 year old boy.

As a matter of fact a girls cup (size) was very much the topic the of most conversations between me and my friends when we were that age.

Thursday, February 25, 2010 8:03:00 AM  
Blogger WILLIAM said...

Do not underestimate the power of a girls "cup" on a 12/ 13 year old boy.

As a matter of fact a girls cup (size) was very much the topic the of most conversations between me and my friends when we were that age.

Thursday, February 25, 2010 8:05:00 AM  
Blogger lime said...

it never fails to amaze me how young some of the vamps are. glad your boy isn't thirsty yet.

it seems your boy very much caught the drift of your statement and i love that he was able to respond in keeping with the metaphor. cool kid ya got there.

Thursday, February 25, 2010 8:37:00 AM  
Blogger Pat said...

Nice talk. Your son seems to have a good head on his shoulders so I don't think you have too much to worry about. But those of you out there that think Meghan is harmless - think again. Don't you hear those stories about middle school girls who give blow jobs to the boys - but it's not "bad" 'cause it's not "sex"?

Thursday, February 25, 2010 1:52:00 PM  
Blogger Swirl Girl said...

I hate Meghan. She's wrecking it for all the girls who are pushing healthy drinks. I mean, who can resist frozen high fructose corn syrup?

Thursday, February 25, 2010 2:53:00 PM  
Anonymous the weirdgirl said...

Damn, that was... that was brilliant. And terrifying. Thanks.

Thursday, February 25, 2010 5:37:00 PM  
Blogger Nap Warden said...

Well done girl;)

Thursday, February 25, 2010 9:58:00 PM  
Blogger Zip n Tizzy said...


Thursday, February 25, 2010 10:28:00 PM  
Blogger CT Mom said...

Love the slurpee analogy! Love even more that your son was able to follow it - it took me a minute, but I have a migraine from being exposed to other tween angst and drama.

I may borrow it for my 12 year old not-yet-offering-her-cup daughter.

Friday, February 26, 2010 6:46:00 AM  
Blogger just making my way said...

That Slurpee episode completely grossed me out! GAH!

You, however, rock. Well done. (And I love your description of Meghan - the shark? - awesome.)

Friday, February 26, 2010 8:23:00 AM  
Blogger zelzee said...

Sorry, your time is coming.....
My son was NEVER the same after the "Human Sexuality" class in 5th grade!!!
you will be in my prayers........

Sunday, February 28, 2010 7:59:00 AM  
Anonymous Kelley @ magnetoboldtoo said...

I went to school with that girl.

Don't worry babe, they always end up with the bad boy that gets kicked out of school.

For drinking from the slurpee behind the bike shed.

Monday, March 01, 2010 2:04:00 AM  
Blogger Heather, Queen of Shake Shake said...

Last night I sort of have a conversation about washing personal areas in the shower. Because I realized it won't be long before things start changing, omg.

Monday, March 01, 2010 2:18:00 PM  
Blogger jennyonthespot said...

Girls are of the Devil. And my son is only 1.5 years younger than yours (give or take). I quake. Oh mercy. and bless your heart.

Tuesday, March 02, 2010 9:35:00 PM  
Blogger Legallyblondemel said...

Lord, didn't (doesn't) every junior high have its Meghan? It was so fascinating-slash-infuriating to watch mine back in the day (*cue the "Poison" background music*) as boys tripped over themselves to bask in her, er, big gulp.

And I'm suddenly grateful that my son-to-be has approximately 14 years to reach the inevitable Meghan infatuation stage . . .

Wednesday, March 03, 2010 1:04:00 PM  

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