...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Thursday, September 01, 2011

and in between the moon and you, the angels get a better view

I'm leaving in a few moments and beginning a lengthy trip to Colorado to see my beloved cousin, Shawn.

Tomorrow evening, I'll be with my family as we attend Shawn's visitation. Saturday morning, we'll join again to say goodbye at his funeral.

Shawn, who recently turned 41, who felt like he was next to God when he'd take his bike out into the mountains around his adopted hometown, who just sent his children off to school to start their third and fourth grade years, killed himself Monday evening.

Shawn is the second person I know and hold close to my heart to take their own life in less than a year. My heart can't take anything more like this happening again. I wish with everything in this heart of mine that their hearts, their thoughts hadn't been so sad to bring us to a place like this.

I hope there is peace that follows what was so secretly restless.

For Shawn...



28 Comments:

Blogger Always Home and Uncool said...

I'm so sorry for you to go through this, again.

Thursday, September 01, 2011 1:27:00 PM  
Blogger Cheryl said...

So sorry for your loss.

Thursday, September 01, 2011 2:19:00 PM  
Blogger Legallyblondemel said...

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

Thursday, September 01, 2011 2:36:00 PM  
Blogger Craig said...

I am so sorry. We're bidding my dad farewell this evening, so I understand some of what you're going thru.

{{{hugs}}}

At times like this, it helps to know ('in your knower', as they say) that God is Merciful. . .

Thursday, September 01, 2011 3:02:00 PM  
Blogger WILLIAM said...

We talk just like lions, we scarfice like lambs.


I am sorry for your troubled heart.

Thursday, September 01, 2011 3:25:00 PM  
Blogger cat said...

I am speechless. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Round Here is a song that means more than you'll ever know to me. It fits.

Thursday, September 01, 2011 6:21:00 PM  
Blogger Sailor said...

I'm so sorry for you having to go through this again, as well as the general loss you'd feel no matter the cause.

*hugs* and prayers.

Thursday, September 01, 2011 6:35:00 PM  
Blogger Bethany said...

Love and hope coming out to you and yours...

Thursday, September 01, 2011 6:45:00 PM  
Blogger Lisa @ Trapped In North Jersey said...

I am so sorry this is happening again. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. *Hugs*

Thursday, September 01, 2011 7:57:00 PM  
Blogger Possum said...

Wishing you and your cousin peace and light on your separate journeys. My heart goes out to those left behind.
Hambe Gashle

Thursday, September 01, 2011 8:04:00 PM  
Blogger Amy said...

Sending big hugs to you.

Thursday, September 01, 2011 10:38:00 PM  
Blogger Zip n Tizzy said...

Sending you love. Sad to swing by here and read that you're experiencing this again. This is too much loss. xo

Thursday, September 01, 2011 11:23:00 PM  
Blogger MadameQueen said...

I'm so sorry. This particular kind of pain is worse than others because it's just so hard to understand. Please take care of yourself during this time. And remember, my ears and my shoulder are available via email for listening and leaning on if you need it.

{{hugs}}

Friday, September 02, 2011 7:42:00 AM  
Blogger Liz said...

I am so sorry. I experienced something similar when 2 uncles committed suicide within a couple years of each others.

You're in my prayers.

Friday, September 02, 2011 12:14:00 PM  
OpenID alittlebarefoot said...

my heart is heavy reading this. I'm so sorry. many hugs to you.

Friday, September 02, 2011 1:21:00 PM  
Blogger Kate Coveny Hood said...

Why do I read back posts first?! I am so sorry you have to go through this all over again. It's horrible. So sad. For you - for his family - for him. Thinking of all of you...

Friday, September 02, 2011 6:01:00 PM  
Blogger Anna See said...

Heartbreaking. I am so very, very sorry.

Friday, September 02, 2011 10:44:00 PM  
Blogger Bijoux said...

So, so sorry, FADKOG.

Saturday, September 03, 2011 10:20:00 AM  
Blogger TwoBusy said...

Oh, no.

I'm sorry. So very, very sorry. I wish I had more to offer than that.

Sunday, September 04, 2011 8:17:00 AM  
Blogger justmakingourway said...

Oh, Sweets. I'm so, so sorry. Especially with your loss last year. All my heart and thoughts go out to you and Shawn's family.

xoxo

Sunday, September 04, 2011 4:48:00 PM  
Blogger Pat said...

We will never understand the troubled soul of one who take's their own life. What demons they dealt with......

I am so sorry for your loss and for Shawn's family.

Monday, September 05, 2011 2:49:00 PM  
Blogger lime said...

oh god, fadkog...i amn so deeply sorry for this. i know the horrid mix of emotions you must be going through. yes, sadly, i do. close rleative who committed suicide. please know my prayers go with you.

Wednesday, September 07, 2011 12:22:00 PM  
Blogger Meg said...

I am so sorry for your loss and your pain, my friend.

Wednesday, September 07, 2011 1:52:00 PM  
Blogger Kyddryn said...

I'm so very sorry for your loss, sugar.

If you'd like to talk to someone who's been in that dark place, feel free to e-mail. Otherwise, know my heart's with you, and I hope you will not again have to experience the ache that comes with being one who is left behind to puzzle out why.

Shade and Sweetwaterr,
K

Wednesday, September 07, 2011 3:19:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

I wish I had words adequate enough to express my thanks for the kind words and prayers you have all offered up on behalf of me and my family, but I don't. I just have a simple thank you, and hopes that that is enough. This has been an incredibly difficult time for everyone who was close to Shawn because we didn't realize the depth of his pain and anger. This is not the end of the story we hoped to see him write, and now we're all trying to figure out what happens next while simply caring for the other. My prayer is that you all can do that, too, with those around you whom you love. I wish no one had to feel so much inside that, to them, suicide felt like the only answer. Saturday, September 10th, is World Suicide Prevention Day. The World Health Organization estimates nearly 1 million people die by suicide annually. One million! I know and love 2 of them. That's a small number in relation to the worldwide figure, but it's 2 too many. Please talk to those you love - if you think they might harbor suicidal tendencies or if you feel as though you do, PLEASE talk to someone.

Friday, September 09, 2011 9:35:00 AM  
Blogger the weirdgirl said...

Oh hon, I'm so sorry for your loss. I've known more than one person who made the attempt but they all were stopped in time. It's heartbreaking because there are resources to help, if only they would seek them out.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011 3:02:00 PM  
Blogger anymommy said...

I am so very sorry. I hope the service brought you some peace and, of course, I hope he is at peace.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011 9:50:00 PM  
Blogger Homemaker Man said...

I am so sorry for your loss and for having to experience another one so soon.

Thursday, September 22, 2011 11:12:00 PM  

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