music calms the savage beast...
...Or so I've heard. I don't know if this is true or not, because I don't come across many wild creatures in the uncharted territories of the suburbs, but, for the purposes of my theme this week, I do believe it would hold true for sharks. Thus, welcome to Shark Week Episode Three - "Gettin' Fishy With It."
Have you ever heard "Mack The Knife"? I dare you to turn it on and not start swaying, old school crooner style. I bet sharks love this song. How could they not when the opening is a shout out to them (at least in respect to this post, so go with it, OK?).
"Oh, the shark, babe, has such teeth, dear
And it shows them pearly white
Just a jackknife has old MacHeath, babe
And he keeps it … ah … out of sight.
Ya know when that shark bites, with his teeth, babe
Scarlet billows start to spread
Fancy gloves, though, wears old MacHeath, babe
So there’s nevah, nevah a trace of red."
That wearing gloves part is pretty impressive, what with the lack of opposable thumbs on sharks. But I know sharks like to cut and bite and thirst for blood. Hello? Have you seen a saw shark? That thing could do all those things and then dump you like a wounded puffer fish in no time.
As smooth as that above tune is, I quite imagine sharks like hard industrial music as they swim around the oceans in search of their next meal. They probably crank it up loud in a move that both irritates their fellow ocean neighbors AND drowns out the terror filled screams of their victims. I like my music a bit more eclectic then just the random screaming/pounding/thrashing/pick a fight with someone for absolutely no reason beats.
Case in point, I'm driving to work last week and amidst a jaunty mix of songs that included, but was not limited to, the Polyphonic Spree (god help me, I don't get these people, but I freakin' love this song), and 30 Seconds to Mars (yeah, I don't get this video either, but hello, cute guy in eyeliner. PSA - not every shark can pull off the eyeliner. trust me on this), my fully charged iPod goes silent. I sit and wait, ready to sing along to the next song. And I wait. And wait. I glance down at the display screen and it shows a song and no problems. But it's not playing. I pick it up to give it a closer inspection and realized my iPod had decided to cop an attitude with me:
When I noticed the irony of the song and the fact that my iPod was, in essence, dead after giving me a morning filled with music, glorious music, I couldn't help but give it a hearty "Heh." "Good one, iPod. You're like a black fly in my chardonnay."
Then it may have called me a stupid girl or a fool or something and was all "Don't you know the actual name of that song is "#1 Crush"? and I was all "Duh, you pathetic shark!"
And then I punched it in the nose and swam away. Because that's what I strongly suggest you do if you come across a shark. Especially sharks who like to play that loud industrial music when they go to bite ya.